DEAR ABBY: I am very frustrated and need your help. Please do not use my name, city or state. It could get my husband fired.

"Al" works for one of the largest electrical utilities in the country. He's a lineman and puts his life on the line every day. Al works hard, gets along well with co-workers and supervisors, and responds promptly every time he's called for an emergency. He has worked many holidays and missed a number of family celebrations.

So what's the problem? Al is verbally chastised and receives low evaluation scores because he uses his sick days when he's ill. With young children, we have the usual colds, flus and viruses. He got the flu twice last winter, and I thought the company was going to fire him. The supervisor demanded that Al get a doctor's note for the days he missed.

Abby, the unspoken rule is DO NOT USE SICK DAYS. His company touts safety and rewards employees for safety records but demands that they work even when sick. How safe can it be for a man shaking with chills and fever to be perched on a utility pole, 40 feet in the air?

The company hasn't singled Al out -- they treat all employees this way. In my opinion, forcing employees to work while sick is not in the best interests of the employees or the company. I cannot imagine why the company clings to this warped way of thinking.

How should we handle this without jeopardizing Al's job? -- LINEMAN'S WORRIED WIFE

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Your husband has the right to use his sick days as long as the need is legitimate. If the company is strict about bringing a doctor's excuse after each illness, Al must accept it and not take it personally.

Unless Al is being singled out and treated differently than his peers, or the company is violating an established policy, there is nothing to be done except consider finding a job with a different company, or another line of work.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letter from the gay man who finally came out after many years of marriage and several children.

Abby, I can relate to the man's wife. A few years ago, my husband came out at the age of 45, when our daughter was 9 years old. It was very traumatic, but I discovered a support group for us, the spouses.

Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., wrote a book I found very helpful. It's titled "The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families." She also coordinates support groups, and counsels spouses and ex-spouses of bisexual, gay and lesbian mates.

There is also an online support network: Straight Spouse Network at www.ssnetwk.org. It, too, is a lifesaver your readers should know about. -- SAN FRANCISCO SPOUSE

DEAR SPOUSE: Thank you for the information. I'm sure it will be of interest to the estimated 2 million straight spouses of bisexuals, gays and lesbians. Originally published in 1991, the book has now been expanded and revised.

Readers, if the book isn't available in your bookstore or the library, you can call the publisher, John Wiley & Sons Inc., at (800) 225-5945, for information on how to order a copy.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work for a major insurance company in the Midwest. The amount of unclaimed premium refunds we have is unbelievable. You'd be shocked at how many people sell their homes and move, and never contact their homeowner's insurance company to cancel their policy. When the mail comes back marked "undeliverable," the policy is canceled -- and nine out of 10 times, a return premium is due the insured. Of course, the refund checks are also returned since no information is available on current addresses.

Additionally, many who do cancel a policy fail to include their new address in their letter -- so any refunds are returned to the insurance company.

Abby, please spread the word that people who have sold a home in the last five years and didn't contact their insurance company to cancel their policy, should contact the company since there may be unclaimed funds. -- REFUND WATCHDOG IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WATCHDOG: Obviously, many people are unaware that the unused portion of their homeowner's insurance policy is refundable. Thank you for bringing this potential windfall to the attention of my readers.

DEAR ABBY: In the next few months, my wife and I will celebrate our 70th wedding anniversary. I have been retired for many years, so I'm qualified to offer suggestions to husbands who have retired:

Husbands, you worked for years in servitude to a boss who gave you orders. Don't feel guilty for the pleasure you get from reading his obituary. After retirement, you have a new boss -- your wife. She doesn't issue orders; she uses diplomacy. For example: "We should wash the windows." "We should clean the cellar and garage." "We should trim those high bushes."

Husbands, you will soon learn that "we" means, "Honey, you ..." I advise you not to mutter. Your wife may be hard of hearing, but you'll discover that muttering comes in loud and clear to her. Develop a hard-of-hearing act. When your wife says, "Honey, I couldn't sleep last night, so I was thinking we should ..." quickly begin your act. If you don't, you'll be sorry.

Your new boss will say she doesn't understand finances and turn the job over to you. But don't try sneaking anything into the pile of bills. She'll catch you.

Abby, please do not reveal my name or address. My wife is an avid Dear Abby reader, and I'd like to reach our 70th wedding anniversary in one piece. -- OVER 90 IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR OVER 90: You may be over 90, but your wife has you "going like 60." I'd advise her to put on the brakes, but the regimen seems to agree with you. May you both enjoy a happy, healthy 70th anniversary and more. I'm sure many retired couples will identify with your letter.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "SHOPPED 'TIL I DROPPED IN MISSOURI": Don't take it personally. You are not alone. The late, unforgettable Erma Bombeck wrote: "I won't come right out and say my husband is a man who's difficult to buy for. I will only tell you that every time we give him a gift, we leave all the tags on, the sales slip between the tissue, and draw directions on how to get to the store where we bought it."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away four weeks ago. Last night, I sat my three children down and read them my mother's life story from birth through 12th grade. As a graduation requirement for Ironton High School in Ironton, Ohio, in 1940, she had to write her life story.

She wrote about kindergarten, her best friends, neighbors, favorite games she played as a child, her religious testimony, her first crush, first time wearing makeup, first date, prom, and best Thanksgiving in a horse-and-buggy carriage going to my great-grandmother's farm in Kentucky. The vivid descriptions she wrote of herself as a young girl are so rich and beautifully clear in our minds today. What a gift this has been to me, my brothers and sisters and our children. Of all the possessions she left, her story is our most meaningful and precious treasure.

Abby, I'm writing this letter to suggest that high school English teachers today consider such an assignment. -- CAROL JEAN CLICK HARDISON'S DAUGHTER "SUE" IN GEORGIA

DEAR SUE: Your dear mother's writing project is a priceless memento, and the idea is certainly worth mentioning. The senior year of high school is a logical time to pause and take stock before beginning the great leap forward to adulthood. Not only would the subject be something with which the writer is intensely familiar -- it would offer many opportunities for creativity.

DEAR ABBY: You recently ran a letter about the importance of having identification. May I add a personal experience?

I had what I thought was a heart attack. I got myself to the hospital and was rushed into the emergency room. I was put on oxygen and hooked up to machines and monitored. The nurse even gave me a nitro pill. Then she asked me a question: "Is there anyone we can call for you?"

I was floored at the idea. I had ID with me; I'm never without it. But it was not current. My wife had a job that had her driving from store to store and couldn't be reached. My daughter slept days and I didn't have her telephone number. My eldest son had just moved and I didn't have his new number, either. I couldn't remember where my youngest son worked. None of my family could be reached.

At the time I was employed as a supervisor at the post office, and part of my job was to give a safety talk once a week. I used the above experience in my talk on the last day I worked. All the employees assured me that their IDs were up-to-date, but I insisted they check to make sure. I saw pencils whipped out to hurriedly erase outdated information, and one carrier piped up, "My God, I haven't been married to that witch for three years!" I know firsthand that current ID is very important. -- DEX PACKARD, AURORA, ORE.

DEAR DEX: I think you've made your point. Not only is it important to carry identification everywhere, it's equally important that the information be up-to-date. It doesn't have to be fancy -- a 3-by-5 index card tucked in a purse, a wallet or a pocket will do. And for joggers and athletes who don't want to "carry" anything, marking the information in indelible ink on the tongue of an athletic shoe will accomplish the same thing.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)