DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law is a restaurant owner. The atmosphere is casual and slightly sports-oriented, so many of his patrons take their young children to dine. The majority of the time, this is not a problem. However, some adults take children who do not want to be there. They yell and scream and run around the restaurant unattended. It's very disruptive for other patrons.

The staff takes juice, crackers, crayons and coloring books to entertain the children while the adults converse, yet the children continue to be disruptive, and the adults at the table make no effort to address the situation.

On occasion, my brother-in-law has had to ask the adults to do something about the children's behavior and has been met with some very rude responses from the patrons. He needs some additional input about what to do. We'd appreciate any suggestions as to how adults should handle situations where children are misbehaving in a restaurant. -- ROCHELLE IN PHOENIX

DEAR ROCHELLE: The disruptive behavior you describe is not the fault of the children; the parents are responsible for their children's behavior. If the youngsters create a nuisance for other diners, their parents should be asked to give them a "time-out" -- in other words, remove them from the premises until they settle down.

DEAR ABBY: I must disagree with your readers who responded to the mother who wanted her daughter to marry a man of means. I also believe the mother knows her daughter better than they possibly could. For most, giving up one's standard of living would send the "thrill" of married life out the window very soon.

Love does NOT conquer all! No, I am not a snob; I am an 81-year-old "always been poor" lady. I have seen what loss of material things can do to anyone who is not accustomed to doing without. Remember, Abby, men who lost their fortunes committed suicide by jumping out of tall buildings in 1929-1930. People are like that.

Oh, no, a disillusioned wife won't jump out of a window, but she might seriously consider fleeing the coop. A 19-year-old girl has plenty of time to meet young people and evaluate acquaintances before deciding on a life partner. -- A CARING PERSON, DANVILLE, ILL.

DEAR CARING PERSON: Thank you for your letter of support. Although you and I agree, the majority of those who wrote to me felt that the mother was selling her daughter short, the young man showed great promise, and the daughter should follow her heart.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who would like to be more confident and less fearful about asking a guy out. Deep down I believe that the guy should be the one to do the asking. I also have a fear of rejection.

There are several guys I'm interested in, but I can't muster the courage to ask them out. What should I do? -- WENDY

DEAR WENDY: Although your feelings are understandable, it is common and acceptable these days for a woman to ask a man out. In order to avoid rejection, drop some "hints" to see if there is any interest before popping the question. And remember: Practice makes perfect. After doing it a few times, you'll find it easier to approach men.

P.S. Between you and me, men also suffer fear of rejection at the prospect of asking a woman out. Now you can empathize.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter recently turned 14. When she was asked what she wanted for her birthday, she said, "A promise ring." My husband and I sat quietly as our hearts raced with fear of what was coming next. She slowly explained that promise rings are given to daughters by their fathers and a promise is made that the daughter will refrain from having sex until she is married. Years ago, the significance of a promise ring was different.

Needless to say, she got the promise ring for her birthday and has not taken it off since. Abby, I'm asking you to print this letter because when my daughter wore her ring to school the next day, she was ridiculed, degraded and insulted by her teacher for wearing it.

If the teacher had taken a moment to allow my daughter to share the experience with her, she would have thought the ring was a terrific idea. However, my daughter was not given the opportunity. All the students know the significance of promise rings. The teacher was the only one in the dark. Sometimes things aren't as they seem. -- PROUD MOTHER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PROUD MOTHER: I agree the concept is terrific, because it allows parents and their daughters to discuss and reinforce their family values. If the teacher was guilty of making disparaging remarks about your daughter's ring, you should certainly make your feelings known to the teacher. The significance of the promise ring needs to be explained to this educator.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 27 and engaged to be married next year. "Hal" is honest, loving and compatible, and has all the qualities I've looked for in a man. He has helped me develop into a better and happier person. We've been together five years.

Abby, I'm having second thoughts about our upcoming wedding. I had very little previous dating experience, and I find myself attracted to other men, curious about being with other men sexually and wanting to date others. Yet I don't want to cheat on Hal, and I don't want to get married and then be overwhelmed with these feelings.

My friends and family love Hal and would think I'm a total idiot for the way I feel, so I can't confide in them. I'm also afraid that if I tell Hal my feelings, and postpone or call off the wedding, I could be making the gravest mistake of my life. Help! -- BEWILDERED IN BOSTON

DEAR BEWILDERED: Hal sounds like a wonderful man. However, if you want to date others, you are not ready to be married. I don't have a crystal ball to tell you whether he's the right man for you; only you can decide that. I urge you to have a frank discussion with your fiance about your doubts. You should marry no one until you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with that individual.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY MUSLIM READERS: Happy Eid Al-Addah.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Something very troubling is going on. Everywhere I turn, people are saying that the new millennium starts one second after midnight Dec. 31, 1999. That just isn't true. The correct date is Jan. 1, 2001 -- NOT 2000!

Allow me to explain: There are 100 years in a century. The first century encompassed the years 1 through 100. The second century ran from 101 through 200, the third century from 201 through 300, etc. Get it?

Abby, please urge the media to put this information before the public. Someone once said it takes one small spark to start a prairie fire. Perhaps this one "spark" of information will ignite the candle of wisdom -- and shine some light on an important fact your readers need to know. –-"FATHER TIME" IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR FATHER TIME: I'm embarrassed to confess that I'm one of the guilty parties who referred to 1999 as the "final year of the century," so thank you for providing me an opportunity to set my readers straight. You are one voice in a chorus of individuals who want the public to be made aware that the year 2000 is the final year of the century, and the new millennium begins on Jan. 1, 2001.

I hate to be the one to say this, but you're swimming against a tidal wave. Although you are technically correct, when people see the first digit in the year change from a "1" to a "2," they can't help but think a new century has arrived.

DEAR ABBY: I know you receive thousands of letters, while selecting few for publication.

I am distressed that you saw fit to publish a letter that has anti-Semitic overtones. It pertained to the inquiry made by "Confused in Canada's Capital," regarding a person who used a death in the family for self-serving purposes to create an educational fund for his daughter, when he was "easily able to pay for his daughter's education." The writer then queried, "Is this a Jewish custom?"

Your response, "No, it's not a Jewish custom" could have easily been enclosed in an envelope and sent to the inquirer. To have exposed your millions of readers to a false stereotypic characterization of the Jew was an unfortunate error on your part. It was not simply an innocent request for information, and in my estimation you unwittingly became a "partner in crime" by publishing this nonsense.

The Jewish community is owed an apology. -- DR. STANLEY M. WAGNER, RABBI, DENVER

DEAR RABBI WAGNER: I am Jewish and I disagree. I give the overwhelming majority of my readers credit for not adhering to false stereotypes. The son-in-law's behavior wasn't typical of all Jewish people. To quote an old Yiddish proverb: "Every village has its village idiot" -- even ours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from "Confused in Canada" about the son-in-law who placed a solicitation for money for his daughter's education in his father-in-law's obituary: No, it's not a Jewish custom. It's a shanda (disgrace)! -- LOYAL READER IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR LOYAL READER: Right. As I said in my original answer -- that letter was a first!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)