DEAR ABBY: "Lucy," my friend for more than 10 years, got married last July. She announced her engagement a year before, then lost touch with me and didn't call for almost a year. This was typical of the relationship we had -– she'd keep in touch and then just disappear. I'd hear from her when she got lonely.
One month before the wedding, I received a call from Lucy asking for my address so she could send me an invitation. I was a little insulted that she had waited this long, but attended the wedding regardless. Lucy mentioned that she had registered at a fine department store. However, when I checked out the items on the wish list, I found they far exceeded my budget, so my husband and I bought her a set of nice cookware from another store.
It has been eight months, and I have never received a thank-you for the gift. However, since the wedding, all Lucy has talked about is how busy she and her husband have been getting all those thank-you cards out. I heard through the grapevine that Lucy chose to send thank-you cards only to those who bought her the items she had asked for –- and chose not to acknowledge the others. I'm personally surprised and a little hurt by this.
What would be a tactful way of telling her that this is unheard of without starting a battle? -- HURT IN SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR HURT: If what you heard through the grapevine is true, I hope your gift included cake pans -– because the bride's excuse for not sending certain thank-you notes takes the cake!
The surest way to find out why your gift has not been acknowledged would be to ask Lucy if the gift was received. It's possible that a thank-you note was sent but went astray. However, if the answer is she hasn't gotten around to sending one, perhaps you should send Lucy an etiquette book for her first anniversary. She could certainly use one.