DEAR ABBY: "Lucy," my friend for more than 10 years, got married last July. She announced her engagement a year before, then lost touch with me and didn't call for almost a year. This was typical of the relationship we had -– she'd keep in touch and then just disappear. I'd hear from her when she got lonely.

One month before the wedding, I received a call from Lucy asking for my address so she could send me an invitation. I was a little insulted that she had waited this long, but attended the wedding regardless. Lucy mentioned that she had registered at a fine department store. However, when I checked out the items on the wish list, I found they far exceeded my budget, so my husband and I bought her a set of nice cookware from another store.

It has been eight months, and I have never received a thank-you for the gift. However, since the wedding, all Lucy has talked about is how busy she and her husband have been getting all those thank-you cards out. I heard through the grapevine that Lucy chose to send thank-you cards only to those who bought her the items she had asked for –- and chose not to acknowledge the others. I'm personally surprised and a little hurt by this.

What would be a tactful way of telling her that this is unheard of without starting a battle? -- HURT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR HURT: If what you heard through the grapevine is true, I hope your gift included cake pans -– because the bride's excuse for not sending certain thank-you notes takes the cake!

The surest way to find out why your gift has not been acknowledged would be to ask Lucy if the gift was received. It's possible that a thank-you note was sent but went astray. However, if the answer is she hasn't gotten around to sending one, perhaps you should send Lucy an etiquette book for her first anniversary. She could certainly use one.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Old-Fashioned Southern Lady" and to others who say they don't like prenuptial agreements: I would like them to consider the truth about marriage. Anyone getting married in a "Christian marriage" (and other religious or public weddings) realizes that the church wedding and the marriage license are two separate and different entities.

The marriage license must be signed by both parties and recorded by the state before the marriage is legally recognized by the state (except in common-law marriages). Therefore, by definition, this, too, is a "prenuptial agreement" in which you give the state in which you reside the power to determine how marital assets will be divided in case of death or divorce. Like it or not, a marriage is a legal arrangement and should not be left in the hands of an arbitrary document that leaves the state with all the rights.

So, instead of trusting the assets of their marriage to the state government, intelligent adults should discuss and write down their common beliefs as to what would be fair if the unthinkable happens. That's why we buy life insurance. We may not like the idea of having to prepare for tragic circumstances, but a wise couple prepares their marriage for all possible outcomes. -– BRADY L. CROM, PSYCHOLOGIST, HAWTHORNE, CALIF.

DEAR BRADY: You have explained it very well. I have always urged couples contemplating marriage, particularly those who have been married before and have children, to have a prenuptial agreement. In the event of death or divorce, it can prevent grief, heartache and misunderstanding. It brings to mind the Boy Scout motto, "Be Prepared."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing you on behalf of the children in this country who are in danger of losing their eyesight to amblyopia or "lazy eye." Parents are often completely unaware there is any problem with their child's vision. Because amblyopia usually affects only one eye, children can see -- but have only monocular vision. Children don't realize they should be able to see through both eyes. One child was diagnosed after a bump to the eye. When he said, "I can't see the television; I hurt the eye I see with," his mom, a licensed optician, had the first indication that something was wrong!

Abby, 2 to 3 percent of the population has amblyopia. When this condition is detected before the age of 3, approximately 95 percent recover their vision. After the age of 6, it can be difficult to totally correct. Parents need to be sure their young children receive a comprehensive examination that checks the functioning of each eye.

For parents and children who are well aware of amblyopia, I am happy to report that there is a new support program for them. The Eye Patch Club offers suggestions and support for dealing with the challenges posed by amblyopia. -- MARK RUTTUM, M.D., DEPARTMENT OF OPHTHALMOLOGY, MEDICAL COLLEGE OF WISCONSIN

DEAR DR. RUTTUM: I was shocked to learn that one preschooler in 20 has a vision problem that could cause permanent loss of sight if left untreated. The Eye Patch Club, sponsored by Prevent Blindness America (also known as the National Society to Prevent Blindness), is a tool that parents of children with amblyopia can use to help them strengthen their "lazy eye." Patching or covering the stronger eye forces the weaker eye to work. The patient wears the patch for a few weeks (or longer), which helps to strengthen vision.

Of course, the child must regularly visit the eye doctor to measure improvement in the amblyopic eye. And, at first, a child may feel frustrated while wearing the patch over the stronger eye. That's where the Eye Patch Club lends support.

Prevent Blindness America not only offers The Eye Patch Club, it also provides information about the warning signs of eye trouble in children, ideas on how to make a trip to the eye doctor fun and easy for children, and more detailed information about amblyopia. For free information, call 1-800-331-2020. (What an appropriate telephone number!)

DEAR ABBY: A while ago I read a letter in your column about a 17-year-old named Brandon McCoy who, every year on his birthday, has a party and asks his friends to bring gifts for charity. It inspired me to model my own attitude after Brandon's giving spirit.

I too am 17. I love parties, so last Christmas I hosted a party and requested $5 donations. It was a huge success! I raised more than $100 for a local home for abused children and had a great time doing it.

I'd like to thank Brandon for the inspiration. Society tends to have a negative view of teen-agers, but he is living proof that we're not all bad. -- MARYBETH BARTELT, ST. LOUIS

DEAR MARYBETH: I'm pleased that Brandon's story touched and inspired you. Acts of generosity, especially on the part of activist teens like you and Brandon, enhance the quality of life for all of us and deserve to be acknowledged.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I married a 40-year-old bachelor. It was his first marriage. Abby, he has given me only $10 (yes, $10!) in all the time we have been married, and he spends nothing on my children by my first marriage. I still pay all my own expenses, as I did when I was single -- my car payments, insurance, clothing, gas, and everything we purchase for the house, such as furniture, drapes, carpeting, linens. He also expects me to pay for his clothes and all of the groceries. I do this on a minimum-wage salary! He makes good money, owns his car free and clear, and the house is also paid for. All he pays for is utilities.

He is rude and grouchy to my kids and has never bought them birthday or Christmas presents.

His mother lived with him before we were married, and he has bought her a brand-new car, paid her insurance, car payments and gas, and he lets her pick out her own presents for Mother's Day, birthdays, etc.

He will never change, and I'm not even sure I love him. Am I a fool to stay with this man? -- NO CITY, NO STATE

DEAR NO CITY: Since you raised the question, the answer is, yes, you ARE a fool to stay with this man.

DEAR ABBY: May I please add my 2 cents to "Repented in Oregon," the young woman who had been promiscuous during high school and college? I was in the same situation, but unlike "Repented," I didn't wise up at 19. I was 24 when I began to turn my life around. By that time, I had slept with more than 50 men, had contracted herpes and flunked out of college -- since I spent more time in bars drinking and picking up men than studying. Somewhere along the way, I had also managed to destroy my credit rating. My self-esteem and reputation were both in the Dumpster.

While in college, I had signed a contract with the Army Reserves and ROTC. At the time, I didn't expect to fulfill the contract since ROTC would make me an officer and the contract was just a formality. Without realizing it, I had made the best decision of my life. When I was suspended from college due to poor grades, I moved to another state. Eventually, with the help of the military, I graduated from nursing school.

I now have a wonderful career in the nursing profession, as well as a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. Yes, my husband knows about my past and my herpes. We are careful so he has never contracted it. He loves me for who I am now, not who I was at one time. My friends and co-workers know I was a "wild child" but, like my husband, they see who I am now.

Unfortunately, when I visit my parents, who still live in my hometown, there are those who still see the "wild child." They continue to ignore the 11 years of accomplishments and growth that make me who I am today. I choose to see this as their loss, not mine.

To "Repented": The choices I have made throughout my recovery may not work for you, but know that your true friends will see you for who you are becoming, not who you were. Good luck. -- BEEN THERE AND RECOVERED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for the great letter. I'm sure that more readers than "Repented" will see it and be inspired by it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)