DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your response to "Intimidated in Toronto," advising the young woman that she does not have to put up with sexual harassment at work. As the nation's largest nonprofit working women's organization, "9to5" hears from thousands of women of all ages who have also been harassed and felt alone and confused. However, it's extremely important to let your readers know that harassing behavior is not only improper -- it's illegal.

Although it is estimated that one in four women have been sexually harassed, far fewer file a complaint -- because they don't know what their rights are or how to enforce them. It would be an invaluable service for you to let your readers know that quitting the job is NOT the only option available. Victims of harassment have legal recourse. As you correctly pointed out, it is quite likely that other female employees have been subjected to the same behavior. It is also quite likely that his harassment will continue until someone says, "Enough is enough!" and takes action to impose consequences through legal channels.

If any of your readers is being sexually harassed, please let him or her know that "9to5" has a toll-free Job Survival Hotline, 1-800-522-0925, with trained counselors who provide free information on workplace issues. Thank you once again for shedding light on this important subject. -- MEG LEWIS-SIDIME, PUBLIC AFFAIRS COORDINATOR, 9TO5, MILWAUKEE

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from the 16-year-old girl whose boss is hugging, kissing and touching her in places he shouldn't be.

I am a law enforcement officer and would like to inform "Intimidated" that the actions of her boss are against the law. In the state of Washington, from the information given, an appropriate charge would be "sexual misconduct with a minor in the second degree." The kind of touching she describes, the age difference of the two parties involved, and the fact that her boss is abusing a supervisory position he holds over her are all elements of this crime. I am sure Canadian law has a similar statute.

Sexual crimes can be very debilitating to the victims, as is evidenced in the letter of the girl who wrote to you. I would urge her to quit that job immediately and get her parents and the police involved. Sexual criminals usually have many victims. Not only would she be helping herself, but many other past, present and future victims. -- TONY BRITTON, EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR TONY: I have received a bushel of mail in response to the letter from the sexually harassed teen-age girl in Toronto. Several were from law enforcement personnel such as yourself, and an astonishing number came from women who had also been sexually harassed by their employers as inexperienced teen-agers.

One pointed out that unless the girl takes control of the situation and reports it, it could affect the way she lives the rest of her life, because victims blame themselves, which leads to making bad choices and failure later in life.

A crime victim specialist in Oregon wrote: "While reporting the abuse does the obvious and stops the abuse, it also begins the healing process from 'victim' to 'survivor.' It is important for victims to understand that a sex offender offends by power and control. By reporting such offenses to the police, you are taking back that control."

Counseling would also be helpful to reassure the girl and let her know that none of this was her fault.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In less than two months, I'm to be an attendant in my best friend's wedding. There's just one problem -- I'm in love with the groom.

For the last 18 months, we have been attending the same school. His fiancee lives far away. In my opinion, he and I are perfect for each other. We make each other laugh and we have so much in common. This isn't just a crush, and I can't imagine life without him. Sometimes it seems like he has feelings for me, too. He makes comments that make me think he's torn between her and me.

Abby, should I tell him how I feel, or keep my mouth shut and fulfill my role as bridesmaid in the wedding? Please help. -- HOPELESSLY IN LOVE

DEAR HOPELESSLY: Perhaps you and the groom don't have as much in common as you seem to think. You may laugh together and have similar interests, but if he loved you as you are hoping he does, he wouldn't be going to the altar with your best friend. Trust me, if he felt as you do, he would have made it plain by now.

If you can, put your wishful thinking on the back burner, fulfill your attendant's duties and be a part of the wedding. However, if there's any chance that your feelings will surface during the wedding, beg off your commitment now so the bride will have time to replace you.

DEAR ABBY: The other day someone asked me if I remember when "Taylor," my 2-year-old daughter, loved to play with golf balls. I tried hard to remember, but the truth is I don't recall it.

About three months ago, I decided to start a journal for my daughter. In it, I tell her what's going on in her life and in mine. I have written in it every month, and it doesn't take that long to do. Taylor recently learned to spell her name, say her ABCs, and she even knows her days of the week. I'm not sure I'll remember in 20 years what she did at a specific age. This way, I'll have written it down for her to see.

I frequently ask my mom how old I was when I did this or that. She replies, "I think you were 2 or 3." I would urge parents to take the time to write a journal for each of their children. If nothing else, it will let them know how special they are to you. -- KRISTIN HAWKINS, TEXARKANA, TEXAS

DEAR KRISTIN: I'm passing your excellent idea along to mothers everywhere. The fact that your journal picks up where the average "baby book" ends is especially appealing.

DEAR ABBY: You are always looking for letters about heroes and heroines. Well, I have one for you!

My grandmother lives in a retirement home in West Palm Beach, Fla. Her name is Elsie Simon. Every day she reads the paper to the ladies there who can't read it themselves, and the high point of it is your column. Not a day goes by without her reading your words to the group, and they all look forward to it.

My grandmother has always been a giving person, and she remains so today. I think it would make her happy to read in your column that I love her and am thinking of her.

Thank you, Abby. You have done a lot of good in your work. Keep it up. -- GILBERT B. SIMON, TITUSVILLE, FLA.

DEAR GILBERT: Thank you for the compliment. Your Grandmother Elsie sounds like a peach of a woman who brightens the day for everyone who is lucky enough to know her.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Repented in Oregon," I had to write. When I was a teen-ager in a small town, I, too, was promiscuous -- and for basically the same reasons. I wanted attention, and believe me, I got it! It was the wrong kind of attention, and every boyfriend I had left me.

Later in life, I grew accustomed to short-lived romances, and I dumped every love I had before he could dump me. Your advice to relocate was sad, but it was right on. I moved away, changed my name, and moved on with my life. Life hasn't always been easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

I have been happily married for 10 years and have two wonderful children. My husband knows all about my rocky past, for we have no secrets between us. I'm active in the school's PTO and am working on my bachelor's degree. I now have love and, finally, respect!

I wish "Repented" the best of luck. It does get better, life does go on, and she will be happy. -- DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS

DEAR DEEP: You have obviously done a lot of work on your emotional self, and for that I congratulate you. In order to be respected, a person must understand and respect one's self. It's sometimes a painful journey -- but it is always worth it. Read on for a letter that illustrates my point:

DEAR ABBY: "Repented in Oregon" has walked in my shoes. I married a young man from my hometown who found out about my past after we were married and had children. It's now 17 years later. We're still married, but he doesn't treat me the same as before he found out. He's not abusive, but he's also not as loving and caring as he was before. That has been painful.

My children now attend school with the children of the people I went to school with, plus all the parents who heard about me through the grapevine. The whispers never stop. I see people looking at me, then looking away. My biggest fear is that my children will find out. I don't volunteer anymore or go to many of my kids' school functions, hoping it will keep the whispers from reaching my children.

Abby, people don't forget or forgive and move on. They still see you as you were when you were a teen-ager. Please urge "Repented" to move and start over. If I'd done it, I would be a much happier person today, and not so paranoid about who I'll run into at the Little League field or at a school function.

Parents: Talk to your kids. Be involved with them and keep an open mind. If my parents had been there for me, I know I would have been a different person. -- IN ENDLESS PAIN, ORLANDO, FLA.

DEAR IN ENDLESS PAIN: I have received a barrage of letters from readers who felt I should have advised "Repented" to stay where she was -- and over time, "show" her community by her example that she has changed. Your letter is a poignant illustration that it doesn't always work -- and for that, you have my sympathy.

There is no reason why the ugly gossip of small-minded people should force you to hide or refrain from being active in your community. I may sound like a broken record, but counseling can help you rebuild your self-esteem. People have reasons that drive them to do what they do. They sometimes look for love in self-destructive ways. You don't deserve the treatment you're receiving, but before you can expect the community to forgive you, you must first forgive yourself.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)