DEAR ABBY: I must disagree with your advice to "Miserable in Indiana" to improve her self-esteem, get into shape and seek counseling for her irrational jealousy. Abby, here's a woman whose husband is suddenly going to work early, paying more attention to his appearance, ignoring his wife's requests for more attention and better sex, and offering no explanation for his sudden change in routine. She has every reason to be suspicious.

If he isn't having an affair, he most certainly is flirting with the notion. Being a good father and a monetary provider doesn't mean that he is "taking care of business" at home.

You missed the boat, Abby. Her accusations aren't "pushing him away." He has already left. -- BEEN THERE IN L.A.

DEAR BEEN THERE: How damning you make the "evidence" appear. Read on for another view:

DEAR ABBY: In your reply to the woman who was worried about her husband going to work early and dressing well for a factory job, you missed one possible explanation.

He may be trying for a promotion! If he's the type of person who would want to keep his quest a secret until he had results, that could explain his change in behavior and his unwillingness to talk about it. -- J.H. IN BATAVIA, ILL.

DEAR J.H.: You're right; that's a possibility I didn't consider. It's also possible that the man may have been "counseled" on the job about sloppy appearance or body odor -- and that's why he is making a special effort to shape up.

The wife stated that her self-esteem is "on the low side," that she has gained weight and she's "feeling old." Therefore, I urged her to have a medical checkup, get back into shape, and seek joint counseling to help her overcome her jealousy -- and perhaps improve their sex life. Surely that's a more positive direction to take than saying, "Lookin' good for her, huh?" daily as her husband leaves for work. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Miserable" said her husband brought home a steady paycheck and was raising her three sons by other marriages.

I, too, am harassed by a jealous wife. Unfortunately, her jealousy extends into my relationship with family and friends.

Like "Miserable," my wife would probably say our sex life is "so-so" (or even worse). She also told me our infrequent sex makes her feel fat, old and unattractive.

However, her physical appearance has nothing to do with her lack of appeal. It's the constant jealousy and lack of trust that pushes me away. Her compulsion to ensure that I have no relationship with anyone but her has tainted our marriage. I wish she understood that trust in me would be the best cure for a sour relationship.

I need interaction with others so I can better my relationship with her. How can I make her understand that this marriage will dissolve if she doesn't change her attitude? -- TRAPPED AND UNHAPPY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR TRAPPED AND UNHAPPY: A good relationship is built on love, trust and commitment. Without those ingredients, no marriage can survive. Jealous people are generally insecure. They attribute great power to others because they feel powerless themselves. Your wife would benefit from therapy to understand and overcome those feelings -- but she'll need your help to achieve success.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I found your response to the twins whose divorced father would not continue child support payments or pay for higher education to be factually accurate, but a bit narrow in its vision.

My wife left her home state 10 years ago for a much better job. After a child custody battle that almost bankrupted her, she was forced to leave her 8-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter with her ex-husband. Despite a court order, her son refused to fly up to see her after the first few visits and was rarely available when she flew there. Football, basketball, friends -- all held more importance than his mother. Despite her never missing a holiday gift, I can count on one hand the number of phone calls or thank-yous she has received. Care to guess how many times they forgot her birthday?

When it came time for him to choose a college, my wife offered to assist with tuition if he considered an Ivy League school or the school from which she and her former husband graduated. She was chastised for trying to "force" him to attend a college he did not wish to.

Perhaps the twins should examine how they treated their father while the child support was paid consistently every month. Sounds like Dad held up his end. Maybe they should examine whether theirs was held up equally well.

By the way, do you remember that classic letter you answered many years ago with, "How old will you be in four years if you don't?" Thanks to that answer, my wife graduated from medical school three years ago at the age of 42, and she hasn't regretted ANY of her decisions since she decided to get divorced. She's one smart lady, and I'm immensely proud of her. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

DEAR BEEN THERE, DONE THAT: Please extend my belated congratulations to your wife. Your pride in her achievements is more than justified. It's sad that her son missed out on knowing his mother better, because she's a remarkably accomplished woman. He would have been enriched had the relationship been encouraged, and I don't mean monetarily.

DEAR ABBY: I fully agree with your response to the young man who felt his father should continue to pay child support while he and his twin brother were in college. If this "adult" was so concerned about his mother having to work two jobs so he could go to college, he should take responsibility for his own education.

Your suggestion to take fewer hours of classes and get a part-time job was excellent. May I offer another route? JOIN THE MILITARY. They're always hiring. Not only do you get excellent training and a paycheck, you can get up to $40,000 for college. Also, while you're on active duty, the service you choose will pay 75 percent of the tuition cost for every class you take.

I am in the Air Force and took advantage of the education benefits and went to night school. Through different programs, I was able to get a bachelor of science degree for less than $2,000 out of my own pocket. Plus, that young man's mother will be so proud to see her son in uniform doing something for himself instead of depending on her. -- PROUD TO SERVE, NAVARRE, FLA.

P.S. By the way, Abby, I am NOT a recruiter for the Air Force.

DEAR PROUD: You may not be an Air Force recruiter, but I'm willing to bet your letter will result in more than a few inquiries, if not enlistments. Thank you for the reminder that the armed forces offer educational benefits to their members.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Everyone knows if you want America to know something, you should tell Dear Abby. My letter concerns a heartbreaking situation all Americans should know about.

Until September 1996, women in Afghanistan were highly involved in public life. They wore contemporary clothes, participated in government, attended co-ed schools and worked in all professions. Many were nurses, lawyers and teachers. Forty percent of the doctors were women.

Then, an extremist military group, the Taliban, overthrew the government and brutally imposed a system of "gender apartheid." Overnight, 11.5 million free, hardworking Afghan citizens became prisoners in their own homes for the crime of being female.

Under Taliban law, the windows of a woman's house must be painted black. She may leave the house only if accompanied by a close male relative and dressed in a smothering head-to-toe garment -- the burqua -- with just a tiny mesh-covered opening to see through.

Women may not work outside the home, attend school or even, for fear of terrible punishment, wear shoes that make noise when they walk. They are forbidden to teach their own daughters to read, and girls are banned from attending school. If women or girls get sick, they cannot be treated by a male doctor -- and since women can no longer work as doctors, nurses or midwives, health care for women has all but vanished. Many have now died of easily treatable ailments.

The Taliban justify all of this as part of an extremist form of Islam, which only they subscribe to -- and which has nothing to do with mainstream Muslim beliefs or the traditions of the Afghan people.

One young Afghan woman told an interviewer: "There is no hope for us. The Afghan women are the walking dead." Not surprisingly, these women are now committing suicide in increasing numbers.

Please, Abby, help bring these lost women back into the world. I'm heading the Feminist Majority Foundation's nationwide Campaign to Stop Gender Apartheid in Afghanistan. Please ask your concerned readers to call us at (888) 93-WOMEN to receive a "Take Action" kit and learn how they can help. -- MAVIS LENO, BOARD MEMBER, FEMINIST MAJORITY FOUNDATION

DEAR MAVIS: When I learned about the plight of women in Afghanistan, my first reaction was that they've been buried alive. The facts are appalling. The suffering that has been inflicted upon Afghan women and girls is oppressive and criminal, and the crimes against them are human rights violations.

Readers, it's comforting to know that even though we are far away, we don't have to sit helplessly by. The members of the Feminist Majority believe that if the United States pursues the same course of action with Afghanistan that concerned Americans pursued with apartheid in South Africa, the economic and social pressure will force the Taliban to halt its war against women.

So far, the campaign has helped to stop the United States and the United Nations from recognizing the Taliban as Afghanistan's official government, and has aided in blocking construction of an oil and gas pipeline across Afghanistan that would have provided hundreds of millions of dollars annually to support their regime.

Please don't wait. Call (888) 93-WOMEN and add your name to mine on the list of people who refuse to watch in silence.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)