DEAR ABBY: My husband and I went to Pennsylvania the last week of December and slept in a motel room that we noticed had an unpleasant odor. It was not from smoke. We had requested a smoke-free room and got one. However, I had an allergic reaction to something, and had a difficult night.

The next day I mentioned it to the maid, and she told me there had been a "cute little doggy" in the room the night before. I then told the manager about my allergy to dogs. She did not apologize. She said, "Well, we like our pets ..." Needless to say, we will never frequent that motel chain again.

My husband and I do not hate animals, Abby, but we don't want to eat or sleep with them. Maybe others feel as we do. We know that people who eat and sleep with their dogs would smuggle them into a motel any way they could. The few motels that enforce the "No Pets" rule should be commended.

Thanks for listening, and for printing this. -- ABBY FAN, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR FAN: Your mistake was in not mentioning the fact that you have an allergy to dogs when you requested the smoke-free room. Just as there are smoke-free rooms reserved for guests who suffer from a sensitivity to cigarette smoke, there should be rooms available upon request for those who have pet allergies. Try it next time you and your husband are traveling.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mourning in Texas" prompted me to write. "Mourning" was disappointed about the small number of floral arrangements sent to his late wife's funeral.

You were correct in stating that many people donate money to charity in order that "something good" may come from the sadness of a loved one's death. However, we should all remember that floral arrangements sent to a wake or the home of the grieving are also "something good" -- and useful.

Too often, people hesitate to send flowers thinking they'll be thrown out after the funeral. But what is important is the message of condolence that flowers convey to the grieving family during those extremely difficult few days. Flowers are for the living -- they say, "We loved her, too. She had value to us, and we care that you are grieving."

This is not to say that making a charitable donation isn't worthwhile, but to remind people that sometimes flowers speak volumes.

May I share with you what my husband and I do at such times? When we attend a funeral or a wake, we take a card and a single rose. One week later, we send a "thinking of you" card. A month later, we send a colorful arrangement of flowers to the family of the deceased to let them know they are still in our thoughts and prayers. I cannot tell you how often we are told, "Thank you for thinking of us. It feels as though everyone's world has gone on and no one remembers we are in pain, but you remember."

Abby, it makes us feel wonderful to let someone know they matter. -- FLOWER FANS, LONG ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR FLOWER FANS: That's a terrific plan of action, and one from which many can learn. Too often, after the funeral and all the offers of "What can I do to help?" -- there is only silence.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: If this letter can save one person's life, it will be well worth it.

I was experiencing headaches for quite a long time, and my husband was sleeping in his chair quite a bit of the time. The day of our grandson's birthday last November, I could hardly think because my head hurt so bad. In spite of it, I drove to the party and started to feel better. I told our son about my headache, and he said he would check our furnace for us.

Because our furnace was quite new, we never gave it much thought. The automatic damper was shut, and the furnace was emitting carbon monoxide fumes!

Our beautiful kitty, Yvette, had died some time before, and we never knew why. However, she had slept in the furnace room.

I always opened the window at night, and we have a large home, so this is probably what saved us.

I hope you'll alert your readers to have their furnaces checked -- even if they're new. I cannot stress enough the importance of this. -- PATRICIA IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR PATRICIA: Your letter gives new meaning to the phrase "wake up and smell the coffee." Carbon monoxide is a deadly killer, and every year the news reports deaths because of improperly vented heaters. Having one's furnace checked in the fall, before the cold weather hits, is a wise precaution. Since the winter season is now upon us, I hope my readers will heed this warning immediately.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 37-year-old mother of three. Until recently, I had a wonderful relationship with my mother. She's a beautiful lady who adopted me when I was 5. Mother is a teacher, author and political activist.

However, as she begins her 82nd year, our relationship has taken a nosedive. For years, she has been strong-willed about discussing her political views at every gathering and conversation. Guests have literally run out of the house after being badgered by her, and quake at the thought of visiting us. I finally gathered enough courage to tell Mom that her outspokenness was embarrassing me and my friends.

My reprimand worked for about a year. However, during the past three months she has been avoiding me. She refused to attend the family holiday parties and asked to see my children without me. She flatly states that my demand that she stop talking politics all the time is "unfair."

Her behavior is startling to me, and I'm unsure how to handle it. I hope you'll have some insight on how I can mend this fence. -- PUZZLED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PUZZLED: Given her professional background and her age, I'm sure your mother feels that the world wants her opinions. She's punishing you for not being receptive to her ideas. You aren't going to succeed in "muzzling" your mother, so apologize. Be grateful that she cares enough to have a viewpoint -- and tease her about it if she becomes a bore.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for four years, and we have a 2-year-old son. My marriage is happy except for one problem. I can't get my husband to remember important dates.

He has forgotten our anniversary and my birthday for the last three years. He never remembers Mother's Day. However, he always remembers our son's birthday and Father's Day.

Abby, my parents think this lapse of memory is terrible, but his parents don't remember special days either. Any suggestions? -- ROSELESS ROSIE

DEAR ROSIE: Men are notorious for forgetting days that are important to women. Your husband's disregard for your anniversary and birthday may stem from his parents' attitude about special days. Since he was not raised to remember them, he doesn't understand the importance you attach to these occasions.

Remind, remind, remind him. About two weeks before your birthday and your anniversary, remind him it's approaching. A week before the big day, remind him again. The day before, give him a note, and post one on the refrigerator or the bathroom mirror.

If your husband still fails you, buy yourself a gift, charge it to him, and tell him what you did.

Since your marriage is happy in every other way, consider yourself a lucky woman. His faults could be worse, so don't sweat the small stuff.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old woman who works in a hospital linen room. One day I noticed a man on a ladder doing repairs. I was mesmerized in an instant by his smile. Every time I see him, I get butterflies.

I wrote him a note and asked a co-worker to deliver it. I got no response. I summoned my courage and handed him a second note myself. Still no response. Finally, I asked him directly if he had read it. His only comment was, "Nice penmanship."

Rumor has it that he's seeing someone. So why isn't he man enough to just tell me he is not interested? What can I do to get a response, either positive or negative? -- WAITING IN ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR WAITING: You have already received a response. He isn't interested. Accept reality and leave the man alone.

DEAR ABBY: Once again you have allowed a reader to euphemistically refer to someone in her little melodrama as "Bill."

Do you have any idea how much trouble this has caused me over the years with your moronic readers who believe that all these "Bills" are in fact me? Even when I'm able to convince them that that "Bill" is not this Bill, my explanations are time-consuming and mentally taxing. And after just so long, my alibis are no longer believed by some of these imbeciles, and I end up not only having to apologize for the behavior of the phantom Bill, but to apologize as well for having initially denied it was me!

Abby, thinking up enough good lies about my own atrocious behavior is something I can barely keep up with as it is. Will you please stop adding to this burden? Why not use the name of my brother, "Bob," instead? He gets away with a lot. -- BILL B. IN MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR BILL B.: I'll make a deal with you. If you promise to stop calling my readers moronic and imbecilic, I'll refrain for one year from labeling any character in my column as "Bill." And if I break that promise, you can bill me!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)