DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl and have a part-time job after school. From the look of things, I seem like a perfectly normal, happy teen-ager with everything going for me. My grades are honor roll. I have a loving family and caring friends.

However, things are not as they appear to be. My boss, a married man with three kids, is hugging, kissing and touching me in places he shouldn't be. I feel really uncomfortable at work and very intimidated. He does it in such a smooth way there is no way of stopping him. (It's hard to explain.) I don't want it to continue, and I'd like to quit this job.

The problem is, my family thinks this is the "dream job." I'm allowed to bring my homework and do it there. I work for only a few hours, and the work is easy. His family is nice to me, and his wife loves me like a sister.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. It has been a big burden keeping these feelings bottled up inside. I feel really frustrated, confused and used. Please help. -- INTIMIDATED IN TORONTO

DEAR INTIMIDATED: I don't blame you for feeling frustrated and confused. Your feelings are valid: You are being used. It makes me wonder how many of his other female employees are being subjected to his unwanted advances.

This man knows exactly what he's doing; he's taking advantage of your youth and inexperience. The name for it is sexual harassment. Do not help him by remaining passive and silent. Your parents should be told immediately. If you want to quit this job, you have my permission. But your parents should be told exactly why you chose to quit.

DEAR ABBY: We live next door to a military man and his wife. We like them both very much, and help each other with little things. His wife is older than he and has health problems.

My husband and I know positively that he's having an affair with a married woman he met several months ago when he was going through some additional training.

Knowing about his affair makes it difficult to be in their company. We certainly do not condone his behavior. We are very uncomfortable when certain things are said. We feel caught in the middle because we learned about his affair accidentally.

We would never butt into their business, but they are both friendly with us. We purposely avoid them at times. We know the affair is continuing, and that he's thinking of leaving his wife, but he doesn't want to be ruined financially.

If we suddenly distance ourselves from them, they'll wonder why. We feel trapped in our home because they always talk to us when we are in the yard.

Have you any suggestions about how to handle this situation? We're old enough to be his parents. -- MARY IN BREMERTON

DEAR MARY: A good neighbor is there to help, not judge. The way to handle this situation is to mind your own business. You are "trapped" in your home only if you choose to be. Unless they seek your advice, stay on your own side of the fence.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: Eight years ago, I came out of the closet. I had been married for 18 years and had two children -- a son, 15, and a daughter, 17. At the time, I decided that for 40 years I had lived my life for everyone else, and it was time to live my life for myself.

I have had a lover for seven years. We have a loving and compassionate relationship. At the time I "came out," my family disowned me, and we have not talked since. My son, on the other hand, kept in touch. He and his fiancee have visited my lover and me several times, and we have enjoyed a good relationship over the years. During that time, my lover and I have been very generous to my son with birthday and Christmas gifts, and even bought him a new car. When he and his fiancee visited us on several occasions, we all got along well. They met our gay friends and socialized with us.

Last week, my son called to say they were sending out wedding invitations. I am welcome, but my lover is not. I explained to him that we are just as much a couple as my brother and his wife, or my sister and her husband. He told me that he did not want his friends to know he had a gay father, and therefore, my lover would not be allowed to attend.

I told him that if my lover could not attend, then I would not attend. If he cannot accept us openly, and if he's ashamed of our relationship, then I really do not want any further contact with him.

We are very hurt. For the last eight years he appeared to accept our relationship, especially when it came to gifts and several free trips for him and his fiancee to visit us.

Abby, am I wrong? I'll be interested in your comments. -- SAD IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR SAD: You are NOT wrong. Being gay (or straight) is not a matter of choice. People who do not know this belong in the dark ages. I hate to see you break your last remaining tie with your family, but I respect your decision not to attend the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: I just moved to Los Angeles two months ago, but my boyfriend of five months will not be able to move from Houston to California for another four years.

So far, we call every other night, send e-mails, and we plan to visit each other as often as we can. Do you think it is possible for us to maintain this long-distance relationship for four years? -- LOST IN LOVE IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LOST IN LOVE: I'm doubtful. It's easy to put your faith in the old quote, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," but the reality is that when you find yourself alone on a Saturday night or at a party, another expression will come to mind: "Out of sight, out of mind."

CONFIDENTIAL TO "LOCKED UP IN SAN DIEGO": You must find the courage to perform another "brave" deed. Write a short note to the San Diego chief of police. Explain that you have been locked in a house with no access to a telephone, by a husband who has raped and beaten you. Ask him to help you get out. The police can help you locate a shelter for abused women. After that, regardless of what your husband promises, stay away and do not look back!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school and college, I was very promiscuous. I'm only 19 and have already had more than 10 sex partners. Because of this I have lost many friends, and at this point, I have no one to turn to.

I am changing now and have made some modifications in my life to raise my self-esteem. I know now that when I was younger, in order to feel wanted, I was willing to do anything to get attention. I now feel better about myself, but I'm finding it difficult to live down my bad reputation. People seem to have a hard time forgiving and forgetting.

Abby, I don't want to have to move. I just want people to accept me as I am now. Any suggestions how I can lose my past? -- REPENTED IN OREGON

DEAR REPENTED: Your situation reminds me of a saying I heard many years ago: "A woman's virtue is like a fine painting. Once its authenticity is questioned, it's never quite the same." People have long memories -- and they love to talk -- so even though you have turned over a new leaf, it could take many years to live down your past. Starting over in a new location would be easier, faster and probably more effective.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol for a young woman who has a wedding shower and two weeks later postpones her wedding? How does she go about notifying the people who attended the shower? And what should be done with the gifts? -- MR. WONDERING

DEAR MR. WONDERING: A brief note from the bride-to-be, explaining to the shower guests that the wedding has been postponed, should suffice.

There are no hard-and-fast rules about the rest of the scenario. Courtesy and common sense should prevail. If a wedding is canceled, unused gifts should be returned with a brief note. Since a postponement is not a cancellation, only a delay, the gifts need not be returned. However, if the postponement is expected to be a matter of many months, with little realistic expectation that the wedding will ever take place, the gifts should be returned.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a longtime fan, and have often thought of thanking you for your commitment to the needs of children. This letter is especially prompted by a recent column in which you quoted the verse, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I agree with you that "nothing could be further from the truth."

Several years ago, I was teaching a lesson in a first-grade classroom. We were talking about how words can hurt worse than being hit. I used the same "sticks and stones" quote, and a shy little girl raised her hand. She said she had made up a different ending. This is what she said: "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can break your heart."

It is a moment I will never forget and reminded me once again how privileged I am to work with children. -- SHERI WINKLEMAN, COUNSELOR, SPRINGFIELD, ORE.

DEAR SHERI: The child's words were profound. From the mouths of babes ...

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)