DEAR ABBY: I'm very upset with my boyfriend. "Jeff" stood me up on the anniversary of our first date. It was a very important occasion to me. He had promised that we'd have a special date that evening.

I was recuperating from a hysterectomy, and it would have been our first night of lovemaking since the surgery. He had been very supportive up until that time.

Jeff is in the National Guard and volunteers for extra duty to earn extra pay because he's between jobs. However, he could have at least called me to say he couldn't make it. This is the second time in six months that he's stood me up without calling.

I haven't called him and I don't think I should. I did write him an angry letter with a lot of name-calling, but I didn't mail it. (It helped me dispel some anger.)

What do I do now? -- PUT OUT IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR PUT OUT: I don't blame you for being upset. Now comes the hard part -- waiting to see how long it takes Jeff to call and apologize for standing you up. If you don't hear from him within two weeks, you can safely assume he has ended the relationship -- and not very nicely, I might add.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to address my remarks to "Dying Inside," who witnessed his girlfriend and his "best friend" in a sex act in the friend's car, and asked your advice.

You, my friend, are not alone. There are loads of men and women who have also died inside, but take it from me -- it will only get worse if you don't quickly distance yourself from these two.

My ex-wife, whom I loved too much and took from near poverty, "rewarded" me by cheating with a man I thought was my friend. I had helped him find employment doing gardening at the mall she managed. Because of my blind love for her, I not only allowed her to embarrass me with my friends and family, I also gave her the opportunity to steal my hard-earned money.

So please, "Dying Inside," for your own sake, do not allow this cheat to inflict any more of the pain that I'm sure will follow the pain you now feel. Don't be the fool that I was. Listen to someone who has been there, and not to your heart. Run fast, my friend, and don't look back. -- BROKENHEARTED, BROKEN FINANCIALLY, BUT FINALLY HAPPY

DEAR FINALLY HAPPY: Your signature speaks volumes. Your lesson makes sense. Betrayal is painful to face, not to mention damaging to one's self-esteem. And as hard as the perpetrator may try to justify the betrayal, it doesn't diminish the enormity of it. I'm pleased to know that you are recovering.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter about the "paper shower" invitation. I agree with the writer. I never would have thought twice about it. I would have bought two 24-roll packages of toilet paper, an eight-roll package of paper towels, four boxes of tissues and two packages of paper napkins to take to the shower.

I'm sure I would have been embarrassed at the party when everyone else gave money, but I would have loved seeing the expression on the face of the bride-to-be when she opened my paper gift! -- GRANDMA J.J., WOODBURY, MINN.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a person who refuses to wear underwear? My husband is driving me crazy.

He hates clothing and usually runs around the house in a pair of old shorts worn well below the waistline, no shirt and no underwear. When no one but me is there, he goes completely naked. He says he would like to join a nudist colony because he hates clothing so much.

We have been married many years, and over the years I have bought him just about every brand of men's underwear to try. He hated them all.

Abby, I love my husband and am not contemplating divorce or anything like that, but I'm grossed out by his refusal to wear underwear.

If you say I should learn to live with it (which I mostly have anyway), I will try to keep my mouth shut. I hope you don't think this letter is too ridiculous to print. Oh, by the way, my husband insists that there are many people out there like him. -- WIFE OF ALMOST NAKED HUSBAND IN K.C.

DEAR WIFE OF ALMOST NAKED HUSBAND: I'm sure there are many people of both sexes who find underwear too confining and opt not to wear any. To say it "briefly," it's a matter of personal choice. If this is the only thing about your husband that bothers you, consider yourself fortunate, and avert your gaze.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son can't -- or won't -- get himself out of bed in the morning for work. He relies on my wife or me to get him up. He has an alarm clock, but he turns it off and goes right back to sleep.

Two nights ago, I told him I would no longer be responsible for getting him out of bed in the morning; it was time for him to assume responsibility for himself. He countered with the accusation that if he lost his job because he was late, it would be my fault for not waking him.

Abby, I would feel bad if he lost his job, but I can't see that it would be my fault. Should I continue to be his human alarm clock or let the chips fall where they may? Is it wrong to make a young adult face the music for his actions (or lack of them, in this case)? -- DAD, THE MORNING ROOSTER

DEAR DAD: No, it's not wrong to make your son face the consequences of his actions. He's an adult now, and it's time for him to get up on his own. Anyone can do it if he's properly motivated, and you won't always be around to pry him out of bed. You gave your son an important wake-up call: It's time for him to rise and shine on his own.

DEAR ABBY: Can a woman who has been divorced multiple times choose any of her former husbands' last names?

My former wife has been married three times. I was her first husband more than 20 years ago. When we were married, she used my last name. During each of her other marriages, she went by that husband's name, but when each ended, she reverted back to mine.

I have demanded that she stop using my name, as I believe that she no longer has a right to do so. I have told her that she should use either her maiden name, or the last name of her last husband. -- DENNIS DYER, SAN PEDRO, CALIF.

DEAR DENNIS: Your former wife can call herself anything she wishes as long as the purpose is not to defraud. However, she may not call herself Mrs. Dennis Dyer, as it might cause her to be confused with your current wife.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day, and this is my traditional Thanksgiving column.

Take a few minutes to think about what you have to be thankful for.

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)

If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table and read the newspaper, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, call someone. Go out of your way to do something nice for somebody. It's a sure cure for the blues.

Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern -- concern for fair play under the law. Your country may not be a rose garden, but it also is not a patch of weeds.

Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

Oh, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

As an afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the post-holiday blues is to do something nice for someone. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him (or her) over for dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Many older people don't drive, and those who do don't like to go out alone after dark.)

Try it. And let me know the results.

P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my Thanksgiving prayer on this Thanksgiving Day. God bless you!

(What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. Postage is included.)