DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl with a serious problem and no one to turn to. A year ago, my world fell apart.

I live in a small town and my dad is a policeman. Last year, a 19-year-old girl came to work in his department and started riding with him in his patrol car. Everyone started talking about how Dad was having an affair with this teen-age girl who's just a few years older than me. After a few months, my dad moved out and started living with her. Mom wouldn't talk about it, and my grandparents were very upset. A few months later, he and my mom were divorced.

Mom began dating a guy a lot older than her. Neither of them seems to notice me anymore. I'm so confused.

I had no one to talk to, and I started seeing a guy who's 18. He understands how upset I am, but now people are telling me that he's just using me. I feel guilty about my relationship with him. I have terrible nightmares and can't keep from crying during the day. Why did my parents suddenly quit believing in everything they have taught me all my life? I have always been a good student, but this is affecting my grades.

I can't make myself like my mom's boyfriend or my dad's girlfriend. Should I try to force myself to? I can't discuss this with my parents or grandparents. I really need someone who can give me a mature answer. How can I accept my parents' behavior and get on with my life? -- FORGOTTEN DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: You need more help than I can give you in my column. You desperately need support from -- and dialogue with -- an adult other than an 18-year-old man who may be sympathetic, but could be in trouble with the law if this relationship with you continues. Your father is behaving as if he's in his second adolescence, and your mother is trying so hard to replace him that it has affected her relationship with you.

This is a problem that's more than any 13-year-old girl is capable of handling on her own. I urge you to confide in a school counselor, your clergyperson or some other trusted adult. Do it immediately -- and please write again to let me know how you're doing. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question that I've never seen in your column. Can I be buried at sea?

I don't mean my ashes, Abby, I mean my body. I would rather be fish food and part of the ocean chain than be cremated or buried in the ground. Is it legal? Can I be put where I want to be? -- JUST WONDERING IN ROSWELL, N.M.

DEAR JUST WONDERING: Yes, your body can be buried at sea as long as it is transported 12 miles from shore into international waters. However, according to the Funeral and Memorial Societies of America in Hinesburg, Vt., there are other restrictions covering burial at sea, including water depth and weights on the remains. Also, a state permit is required in order to be buried at sea. Since state laws differ, you would be wise to check with a local mortician for details.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have read many letters in your column over the years that have made my writing fingers itch, but "Papa Know-It-All" made me race to my word processor. This guy would try the patience of a saint!

Abby, my 76-year-old father has lived with us for more than four years. I'm blessed with a wonderful father. I don't know what I'd do without him. While my husband and I work long hours, Dad tends to the household chores, takes care of the four pets, runs errands, works part time, volunteers in his spare time and socializes with friends of all ages. He knows when to butt out of our business and asks us if we're interested in his opinion. He also pays his own living expenses out of his Social Security income and wages.

Certainly he has his faults, and we struggle with irritations, but his willingness to contribute to the family activities and responsibilities goes a long way in balancing the score.

I showed Dad the letter about "Papa Know-It-All" and asked him what his response would have been. He said, "Throw him out on his a--." -- DAUGHTER OF A WONDERFUL FATHER, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father is a man of few words, but many inner resources. Although I received a stack of letters condemning "Papa Luke's" controlling behavior, one reader had a bone to pick with me about my answer. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You gave good counsel to "Papa Luke's Prisoners." However, I think the Serenity Prayer has been overworked in recent years.

"Prisoner" might like to try this one instead:

"Lord, this situation stinks and we both know it. Now, I'm going to try something different, because what I've been doing hasn't been working. And if Thou wishest to contribute to the miracle, be my guest!" -- THE REV. D.M. MEEKER, JOPLIN, MO.

DEAR MR. MEEKER: God gifted you with a wicked sense of humor. Your version is certainly an attention-getter. Although many people strive for a personal relationship with the Lord, somehow I hadn't envisioned it as being so informal. Your interpretation will probably wind up posted on more refrigerators than you know.

DEAR ABBY: I have learned the most important truth about relationships the hard way.

My girlfriend, "June," and I broke up recently. June was the most wonderful woman I had ever met, and I loved her very much, but I took her for granted.

We were together for two years. We'd had trouble in the past about my lack of commitment, but after each argument, I promised I would change. I tried to improve, but each time I lapsed into the same selfish behavior. Finally, she had enough and ended the relationship.

Abby, if any of your readers recognize this pattern, I would urge them to pay less attention to themselves and more to their partners. Buy her flowers, take her out, tell her when you're going to be running late. Surprise her, tell her how important she is to you, write her sweet notes. Tell her you love her. Do it now, and do it often -- otherwise, it may be too late. -- LOST MY LOVE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOST: Perhaps it isn't too late after all. Clip this letter and take it to June with two dozen roses. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she's capable of forgiveness one more time.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: Do I have a right to be angry with my late mother's best friend? (I'll call her "Mary.")

Mother passed away less than a month ago from cancer. She left all her worldly possessions to me, her only daughter. I have three older brothers. We are very close and I intend to share Mother's things with them and their wives. We have never bickered over material things.

Three weeks after Mother's death, Mary and her husband, "John," visited my father at home. Over coffee, Mary asked Dad if he would return a piece of jewelry that she had given to Mom. Dad replied, "Of course, take anything you need," meaning anything of Mary's. I hadn't even sorted Mom's clothes and jewelry yet. Mary helped herself to two necklaces, four pairs of earrings, a wristwatch and my mother's birthstone ring. She had even helped herself to a pair of earrings that Mom and I had made together in a jewelry class. She hadn't given any of those items to Mother.

Mary also reorganized all the jewelry and moved it from one drawer to another. I was livid. However, I politely told Mary she could keep whatever she had given Mom, but she should please return the other items. (How could she think she came before her friend's children?)

Now, Mary is pouting. She acts like I'm a spoiled, selfish person because I made her return the items.

Abby, this "friend" would cry while Mom was sick, and say she couldn't deal with seeing her when she was in the hospital. She cried loudest and hardest at Mother's funeral. I don't understand her insensitivity.

Should I confront her, since she's acting like I'm the selfish one, and explain why I thought her actions were inappropriate? -- ALICE IN FLORIDA

DEAR ALICE: Since the jewelry was returned, I see nothing to be gained by confronting her. Her behavior was inconsiderate. However, it's possible that she misunderstood your father when he told her to take anything she needed. Give her the benefit of the doubt and try not to nurse a grudge.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I did something that I consider "standing up for the little guy." My husband thinks what I did was out of line. Here's the story:

Mom and I went shopping at a mall where there happens to be only one public telephone. We needed to use it, so we waited patiently in line for about five minutes. It appeared that the caller was bored and just "chewing the fat" with a friend to pass the time. Mom left the mall to find another phone, but I stayed in line to indicate that I needed to make a call.

After a few more minutes, the man turned to me and told me he'd be on the phone for another 15 minutes or so. I told him that he should not tie up a public phone that long. He grunted and continued his phone conversation.

I moved out of sight and enlisted the help of six high school boys. They distracted him while I reached around and clicked down the receiver button to cut off his call. Then I ran.

Abby, I am 30 years old and had never done anything like that before, but I was proud of myself for standing up to someone I considered an arrogant jerk.

Was I out of line? -- ONE FOR THE LITTLE GUYS

DEAR ONE: Yes. Your behavior was both rude and immature.

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