DEAR ABBY: My 27-year-old daughter just announced her engagement. Now we are having trouble with our relationship. I am shocked and hurt. She has accused me of trying to plan her wedding.
Abby, I give my opinions and ideas only, and certainly don't "insist" on anything. Is this lack of communication normal? We are usually very close. What gives?
She has instructed me to just get information, and she will "decide" whether to use it or not. That's fine with me.
Although the wedding is nine months away, she insists on a guest list -- NOW! Our church holds more than 500, so what is the rush? No, I never expressed my unhappiness to her.
I thought this was supposed to be fun, but I'm both angry and sad. How do I handle this? Please advise me. -- HURT MOM IN WASHINGTON
DEAR HURT MOM: It appears your daughter is trying to establish her independence right at the time you feel you should be closely bonded. Emotions often flare during "rites of passage," which is why etiquette books are such enduring best-sellers.
Don't take your daughter's sudden determination to do it "her way" too personally. Now is the time to back off a little and wait for her to seek your input. Take it from me, the most unwelcome advice in the world is that which is unasked for.