DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the letter from "Troubled Grandma," who was appalled at her 7-year-old granddaughter's revealing bathing suit. Lest you think Grandma is hopelessly old-fashioned, my daughter is 9 (I am 30), and I think some of the clothes marketed for girls are pretty shocking. Last summer, the style was teeny little tops that exposed the navel and had spaghetti straps, worn with bell-bottom hip-hugger jeans. The skirts this year are minis and the shoes are chunky with platforms.

My daughter plays with another 9-year-old whose mother bought her huge platform shoes for the summer. Every time the girls would run out to play on the swing set, this girl's ankle would turn and she would fall off her shoes! I told my daughter not even to THINK of wearing stuff like that.

I used to work the night shift for a courier service. My "run" took me into Manhattan between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. (My husband, who was my fiance at the time, was beside himself about my doing it, but I needed the job.) During those hours, prostitutes would openly solicit on street corners -- and guess what they were wearing? Teeny tops with spaghetti straps, tight jeans and platform shoes!

Kids need to be kids for a long time. My daughter still has a "blankie" she sleeps with, and she isn't ashamed of it. In my opinion, girls should be concerned with skipping rope, running in the sunshine, swinging on swings and jumping in leaf piles after their studies. Dressing them like women pushes them to grow up too fast. -- OLD-FASHIONED MOM, TRUMBULL, CONN.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED MOM: When I printed the letter from "Troubled Grandma," I did not realize what a hot-button issue children's fashions has become. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to validate the feelings of "Troubled Grandma." I'm the mother of a 5-year-old girl and feel strongly about this issue. It's very difficult to find appropriate clothing for little girls, especially swimwear. All the suits are cut high at the leg; many have see-through sides and backs that leave little to the imagination. Wake up, people! Our little girls need a chance to be little girls! This means telling them "NO!" when they choose inappropriate clothing, and refusing to buy from manufacturers who are irresponsible.

I remember when I was young, my mom said "NO!" to outfits that were too sophisticated or revealing. I thank her for teaching me how to dress with style and class. These decisions are taught by responsible parents who have the guts to draw the line with whiny children, media and manufacturers who do not have a clue (and could not care less) about what makes a little girl become a self-confident, independent woman. -- STANDING TALL IN TEXAS

DEAR STANDING TALL: Thank you for speaking out on behalf of many like-minded parents. I hope the manufacturers are listening, because what I'm hearing is there is money to be made if someone can come up with a sensible, as well as appealing, clothing line. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Troubled Grandma" that in March, the new bathing suits will arrive in department stores. She should buy her granddaughter the cutest ruffled one-piece swimsuit she can find, send it to her, and ask for a photo of the child wearing it. Perhaps that will "cover" the problem! -- CHRISTINE L. ORMAN, DALLAS

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DEAR ABBY: I am an emergency physician. Over the years, I have come to know many police officers, firefighters and paramedics who put their lives on the line daily for the good of our society. I have great admiration for them. They don't make millions for hitting home runs, but their work is vital to our communities.

Unfortunately, death in the line of duty is inevitable for a significant number of them, and consequently, every year hundreds of their children are orphaned. We have all seen pictures of funerals with an honor guard of dozens or even hundreds of the hero's comrades in attendance. A collection is taken; speeches are made. But what then? The surviving parent is left with a child or children to raise alone. Sometimes the youngest child is still in the mother's womb, never to see its father's face.

A moment of silence to honor the dead is well and good, but there are years to go before the children reach maturity. I think it would be most helpful to have several camps in our country where these children could spend a couple of weeks each summer, gratis. The benefits would be many:

Each year, these children would spend time with others who have had the same experience. Friendships would be created, and they could help each other face their loss and emerge victorious from their adversity.

The ongoing nature of the camp experience would be a permanent tribute to the memories of those who gave their "last, full measure." This would teach those children that our society is truly grateful for their parents' sacrifices. They would grow up with even greater admiration for their deceased parent, and thus greater self-esteem.

The surviving parents would be given two weeks a year of much-needed time to themselves. They would also become part of a surviving parents network that would inevitably develop.

Finally, the men and women of our nation who put their lives on the line would know that, if the worst happened, their children and spouses would not be forgotten the day after the funeral.

Surely there is land, public or private, that could be designated for this purpose. I am sure there would be no shortage of volunteers to help run these camps.

Abby, I can't think of anyone who would be more influential in promoting this idea than you. If you think it's worth mentioning in your column, I'm sure the response will be as overwhelming as it will be heartwarming. -- PHILLIP A. BREWER, M.D., YALE EMERGENCY MEDICINE, CHESHIRE, CONN.

DEAR DR. BREWER: Your idea has merit, and I hope it succeeds. With the closure of so many military bases nationwide, to create camps there for the children of public safety personnel who die in the line of duty, would be a fitting tribute.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law died in 1989, but my sister-in-law still sends an anniversary card to her father on their anniversary. In addition, she sends her father a sympathy card on the anniversary of her mother's death.

I have never heard of this. Is it normal? Is it healthy? -- CONCERNED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR CONCERNED: Not only is it healthy, it's a very loving gesture. Your sister-in-law is to be commended for her sensitivity. I have received countless letters from widows and widowers bemoaning the fact that friends and relatives ignore the anniversary after the spouse dies. They tell me it's as if the marriage never took place, and it's a very lonely day for them. Because the spouse is deceased doesn't mean that the day isn't meaningful for the survivor. It's an important event, one filled with precious memories.

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DEAR ABBY: I am in love with my ex's co-worker (I'll call him Jim). This is dangerous as I live with my ex in the same house, although not in the same quarters. We have both had some trouble distancing ourselves from each other since we decided to break up nearly a year ago.

Jim and I have talked on the phone and communicated by e-mail on a regular basis, and I feel I connect well with him. When we have met in person, my ex has always been there -- and I know that's why Jim isn't taking things further. My ex and Jim have been pals as well as colleagues for many years, and I think Jim fears my ex's annoyance. (Whether he'd be unhappy or not is questionable.)

I have put myself slightly out on a limb in terms of expressing my feelings to Jim, but each time our conversation becomes flirtatious, he cuts it short.

This is very frustrating. I have become so fascinated by him that if we don't go beyond flirting soon, I can see myself making as much of a fool of myself at 25 as I did when I was 15, by doing something stupid or too forward and ruining my chances of a relationship with him. Please help. -- JENNIFER IN MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA

DEAR JENNIFER: As long as you're living under the same roof as your ex, your romance with his co-worker has gone as far as it's going to go. I salute his good sense. In the interests of all concerned, you must make a clean break with your ex before proceeding seriously with anyone else. One of you should move.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from the mother whose son had died. She wrote that the mourners who attended the funeral ignored the grief and loss felt by her husband, her son's stepfather. It is sad when stepfamily members are tossed aside, especially in times of grief.

My ex-husband raised my two daughters (his stepdaughters) from the ages of 1 and 3 to the ages of 17 and 18. We were divorced in 1987, but the girls kept a father/daughter relationship with their stepfather until his death in 1996. They both had married and had children, and their stepfather was considered a father-in-law and grandfather by all concerned.

When he died, my daughters were not informed of his death, were excluded from his funeral, and his obituary made no mention of them -- although it did mention his current wife's son and grandson (the son was an adult and on his own when they married, and my ex had no part in raising her son).

My daughters had always professed that their biological father was their father, but their stepfather was "Daddy." I cannot understand how someone can be so heartless as to have done this to anyone, let alone my daughters. They were not given the opportunity to say goodbye to their daddy. People should consider the impact of their actions on the innocent parties involved in a family crisis. -- MILLIE IN SPANAWAY, WASH.

DEAR MILLIE: Since I don't know the grieving widow, I don't know whether the omission was deliberate -- an indication of how threatened she was by her husband's closeness to his stepdaughters -- or the fact that she was so devastated by her own grief that she couldn't think beyond it to the pain that was felt by others. Please give her the benefit of the doubt.

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