DEAR ABBY: Recently a neighbor, and friend of 12 years, purchased a new riding mower after the engine on his mower burned out. He asked if my husband would have any interest in the old mower, and said that if he didn't, it would be put out on the curb with a sign reading "free for the taking." Knowing the mower was in good shape, and that he could rebuild the engine or replace it, my husband accepted the offer. We felt this was a generous gift and we needed to replace our mower anyway.

A few days later, we came home to find our neighbor's new mower in our driveway. We thought he had brought it over for us to borrow while the one he gave us was in the repair shop. When we asked, he said it was the new one he had bought recently and he wanted us to have it. He had gotten another one for himself.

We tried to refuse such an expensive gift, but he became insistent and said he wanted us to have it. It made him happy to give it to us.

Abby, these neighbors are not wealthy. In fact, they are both in poor health and his wife is terminally ill. It seems too generous a gift to accept. Even if you feel we should accept it, it seems a waste of money that could be spent in a more practical way. -- GRATEFUL BUT UNCOMFORTABLE IN MAINE

DEAR GRATEFUL: Accept the gift graciously. It made your neighbor happy to give the mower to you. It would be wonderful if you repaid his generosity by being there for him and his ailing wife during this difficult time. Or perhaps you could be a Good Samaritan by doing an unexpected favor for someone else down the road. Good deeds have been known to generate other good deeds.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from "Dreading It in the Carolinas," who suggested that people check out the comfort level of their guest room -- or lack thereof.

Abby, we're on the verge of needing a booking agent to manage the comings and goings of all our houseguests. Often there are only a few hours between guests in which to change the sheets and clean the bathroom.

I always put fresh flowers in the guest room, offer turn-down service in the evenings and serve meals planned well in advance. Yet, I overhear comments that the bed is too soft, the bed is too hard, the house is too hot or too cold, the bird is too noisy, the dog is too friendly, ad infinitum. And yes, I have experienced the veiled insult of sheets, towels, silverware, etc., received as hostess gifts.

Abby, our guests are welcome to share whatever worldly possessions we have, but if what we have doesn't meet their standards, perhaps the hotel down the street would be more to their liking. People who hitchhike shouldn't complain that there's no heater in the car! -- LOVE ME, NOT MY HOUSE, COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR LOVE ME: I suspect you may be overreacting to some of the comments you've overheard. The volume of guests you're entertaining attests to the quality of your hospitality. I'm sure you are an excellent hostess. However, to regard hostess gifts you have received from former houseguests as "veiled insults" only generates ill-feeling where no offense may have been intended, so please try to be less defensive.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in the military. I recently found a couple of cassette tapes he recorded to me while he was in the Gulf War. I had forgotten much of what was on them. As I listened to them again, all the emotions and memories came flooding back.

I listened to air-raid sirens going off as my husband was donning his chemical gear. I heard him describe cold showers, fly-infested food, the vastness of the desert and foul-smelling camels. I heard the constant "boom-boom" of artillery as they fought the Republican Guard, and felt the adrenaline race through my husband's blood as he described the "highway of death" and the destruction he saw.

The only time his voice ever shook with emotion was when he described the cards and letters that came from people all over the United States during Operation Dear Abby. He couldn't believe so many people cared about his well-being, regardless of their personal feelings about the war.

When the war finally ended and he flew home, he described the reception he received at Bangor, Maine. Hundreds of people (including many Vietnam veterans) cheered the troops' arrival. I'm amazed at the generosity of those people, including the Vietnam vets who put aside their own bitter memories to give the next generation of soldiers a hero's welcome.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who contributed in one way or another to making my husband's days a little brighter. The letters you write each year during Operation Dear Abby really do make a difference. -- A THANKFUL AIR FORCE WIFE

DEAR AIR FORCE WIFE AND READERS: I'm always delighted to read about servicemen and women who have been personally touched by Operation Dear Abby. This annual letter-writing campaign for our troops is designed to let them know that even though they're far from home during the holidays, they're close to our hearts.

IMPORTANT: I have been informed by the Department of Defense that this year, because of world terrorism, mail has been restricted to cards and first-class letters under 11 ounces. NO PACKAGES WILL BE ACCEPTED. But please remember that every letter from home conveys our concern and support for Americans serving in other countries.

I'm pleased to publicize the following addresses for Operation Dear Abby XIV. They will be in effect ONLY from Nov. 15, 1998, to Jan. 15, 1999:

For Europe and Southwest Asia:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

APO AE 09135

For the Mediterranean Basin:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

FPO AE 09646

For South America, Central America and the Caribbean:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

APO AA 34085

For the Far East:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

APO AP 96285

For the Pacific Basin:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

FPO AP 96385

For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine land forces in Bosnia:

ANY SERVICE MEMBER

OPERATION JOINT FORGE

APO AE 09397-0001

For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:

ANY SERVICE MEMBER

OPERATION JOINT FORGE

FPO AE 09398-0001

Readers, if you have difficulty with these addresses at your local post office, ask the clerk to check recent postal bulletins. OPERATION DEAR ABBY addresses are not always entered into postal computers and clerks may not be aware that they are valid.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My children, from a young age, have been schooled in writing prompt and courteous thank-you letters for gifts or other kindnesses they have received. They understand the importance of this common courtesy.

During lunch today, a friend told me about a thank-you note he had received for a gift he had given. The note was received via his computer's e-mail system.

I chuckled and wondered whether this electronic note "counted" as a thank-you note.

Abby, is a well-thought-out, polite thank-you note sent via e-mail an appropriate and acceptable way of acknowledging a gift? If the giver's e-mail is on the giver's letterhead, does this make a difference?

Please hurry your answer. My son's bar mitzvah is approaching and I think it would be a cute and novel way of responding. -- BEVERLY HILLS M.D.

DEAR M.D.: If someone goes to the trouble and expense of giving your son a bar mitzvah gift, I suggest you resist the "cute and novel" manner of acknowledging it. For a rite of passage such as this, more formality is required. E-mail is terrific, but save it for less formal occasions.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter from the person wanting to know how to say goodbye to someone who was dying whom they held in great esteem prompts this letter.

Seven years ago, I was blessed and honored to be able to care for my husband at home during his courageous battle with cancer. He was loved and admired by many co-workers, friends, acquaintances and family. Our phone rang constantly with calls from the many people who wanted to wish him well.

Although we appreciated the concern and love being expressed, it was emotionally draining as well as sometimes physically impossible to deal with all the calls. For the first time, we bought an answering machine. It was the kind that broadcasts the message aloud while it is being left. We could monitor the calls, and answer the ones we needed to without having to stop what we were doing.

Though we bought it for our convenience, it turned out to have an additional advantage. Because my husband could no longer talk, it had been difficult for him to interact with visitors. But now he could hear their voices without having to respond or even hold the telephone. One day, as I walked into his room I was touched by the scene that greeted me. He was lying in his bed with tears in his eyes listening to the messages that had been left. He would listen, then play them over and over again.

I was so thankful we bought that machine. It lifted a tremendous burden from us and became a source of comfort and support. I think in many cases, it made leaving heartfelt messages a little easier for the callers, too. Sometimes not being in direct contact makes expressing oneself a bit less awkward. Perhaps this could be a solution to others in the same situation. -- ONE WHO HAS LOVED, OREM, UTAH

DEAR ONE WHO HAS LOVED: Thank you for an excellent suggestion, and for a letter that will touch many hearts today. I'm sorry for your loss. Your husband must have been an outstanding man to have had so many people care about him.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)