DEAR ABBY: My husband is in the military. I recently found a couple of cassette tapes he recorded to me while he was in the Gulf War. I had forgotten much of what was on them. As I listened to them again, all the emotions and memories came flooding back.

I listened to air-raid sirens going off as my husband was donning his chemical gear. I heard him describe cold showers, fly-infested food, the vastness of the desert and foul-smelling camels. I heard the constant "boom-boom" of artillery as they fought the Republican Guard, and felt the adrenaline race through my husband's blood as he described the "highway of death" and the destruction he saw.

The only time his voice ever shook with emotion was when he described the cards and letters that came from people all over the United States during Operation Dear Abby. He couldn't believe so many people cared about his well-being, regardless of their personal feelings about the war.

When the war finally ended and he flew home, he described the reception he received at Bangor, Maine. Hundreds of people (including many Vietnam veterans) cheered the troops' arrival. I'm amazed at the generosity of those people, including the Vietnam vets who put aside their own bitter memories to give the next generation of soldiers a hero's welcome.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who contributed in one way or another to making my husband's days a little brighter. The letters you write each year during Operation Dear Abby really do make a difference. -- A THANKFUL AIR FORCE WIFE

DEAR AIR FORCE WIFE AND READERS: I'm always delighted to read about servicemen and women who have been personally touched by Operation Dear Abby. This annual letter-writing campaign for our troops is designed to let them know that even though they're far from home during the holidays, they're close to our hearts.

IMPORTANT: I have been informed by the Department of Defense that this year, because of world terrorism, mail has been restricted to cards and first-class letters under 11 ounces. NO PACKAGES WILL BE ACCEPTED. But please remember that every letter from home conveys our concern and support for Americans serving in other countries.

I'm pleased to publicize the following addresses for Operation Dear Abby XIV. They will be in effect ONLY from Nov. 15, 1998, to Jan. 15, 1999:

For Europe and Southwest Asia:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

APO AE 09135

For the Mediterranean Basin:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

FPO AE 09646

For South America, Central America and the Caribbean:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

APO AA 34085

For the Far East:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

APO AP 96285

For the Pacific Basin:

AMERICA REMEMBERS

OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV

FPO AP 96385

For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine land forces in Bosnia:

ANY SERVICE MEMBER

OPERATION JOINT FORGE

APO AE 09397-0001

For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:

ANY SERVICE MEMBER

OPERATION JOINT FORGE

FPO AE 09398-0001

Readers, if you have difficulty with these addresses at your local post office, ask the clerk to check recent postal bulletins. OPERATION DEAR ABBY addresses are not always entered into postal computers and clerks may not be aware that they are valid.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My children, from a young age, have been schooled in writing prompt and courteous thank-you letters for gifts or other kindnesses they have received. They understand the importance of this common courtesy.

During lunch today, a friend told me about a thank-you note he had received for a gift he had given. The note was received via his computer's e-mail system.

I chuckled and wondered whether this electronic note "counted" as a thank-you note.

Abby, is a well-thought-out, polite thank-you note sent via e-mail an appropriate and acceptable way of acknowledging a gift? If the giver's e-mail is on the giver's letterhead, does this make a difference?

Please hurry your answer. My son's bar mitzvah is approaching and I think it would be a cute and novel way of responding. -- BEVERLY HILLS M.D.

DEAR M.D.: If someone goes to the trouble and expense of giving your son a bar mitzvah gift, I suggest you resist the "cute and novel" manner of acknowledging it. For a rite of passage such as this, more formality is required. E-mail is terrific, but save it for less formal occasions.

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter from the person wanting to know how to say goodbye to someone who was dying whom they held in great esteem prompts this letter.

Seven years ago, I was blessed and honored to be able to care for my husband at home during his courageous battle with cancer. He was loved and admired by many co-workers, friends, acquaintances and family. Our phone rang constantly with calls from the many people who wanted to wish him well.

Although we appreciated the concern and love being expressed, it was emotionally draining as well as sometimes physically impossible to deal with all the calls. For the first time, we bought an answering machine. It was the kind that broadcasts the message aloud while it is being left. We could monitor the calls, and answer the ones we needed to without having to stop what we were doing.

Though we bought it for our convenience, it turned out to have an additional advantage. Because my husband could no longer talk, it had been difficult for him to interact with visitors. But now he could hear their voices without having to respond or even hold the telephone. One day, as I walked into his room I was touched by the scene that greeted me. He was lying in his bed with tears in his eyes listening to the messages that had been left. He would listen, then play them over and over again.

I was so thankful we bought that machine. It lifted a tremendous burden from us and became a source of comfort and support. I think in many cases, it made leaving heartfelt messages a little easier for the callers, too. Sometimes not being in direct contact makes expressing oneself a bit less awkward. Perhaps this could be a solution to others in the same situation. -- ONE WHO HAS LOVED, OREM, UTAH

DEAR ONE WHO HAS LOVED: Thank you for an excellent suggestion, and for a letter that will touch many hearts today. I'm sorry for your loss. Your husband must have been an outstanding man to have had so many people care about him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 44-year-old married woman with three children. My husband is a good man in many ways, but has discovered the "joys" of Internet chatrooms. I have caught him talking online in the wee hours of the morning and confronted him about it. It's demeaning to me and my children when he speaks to these "ladies" in a provocative way on the Net. He says it's all in fun.

To make a long story short, I figured out his password and found out that he has been having a pretty steamy "affair" with a young lady out West. I feel betrayed and disgusted. I feel that I've been cheated on. He will say that as long as it isn't physical, it isn't cheating.

I don't know what to do. I love my husband; we've been together for 27 years. Should I confront him with my discovery, or wait it out and hope he gets over his fascination with the forbidden? -- DISGUSTED IN THE MOUNTAINS OF NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR DISGUSTED: Lying to you and carrying on a "steamy" online flirtation is a form of cheating. I don't blame you for feeling betrayed. If the situation were reversed, and your husband discovered you were doing this behind his back, I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled either. By all means, confront him with what you know. You have every right to demand an end to this dishonesty. Ignoring it won't help. It's time to clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: I have an ongoing problem with my parents and my in-laws. They are in their early 70s, quite healthy and financially sound.

My husband and I have three children, the only grandchildren, in grades 8, 9 and 10. With three children actively involved in sports, we are on the run four to six days per week with school/club activities, music lessons, homework, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and I work outside the home.

We do a tenuous balancing act and time is our most precious commodity. Herein lies the problem:

All four parents have become increasingly hostile toward the reality of our lives, which they insist upon interpreting as, "You have time for everything and everyone but us." We call them at least twice a week, entertain them for all family events and see them often, but they're still dissatisfied. They want us to be available (as a family of five) at least once a week for them to "drop by," for us to "drop by" their homes, plus a sit-down meal with them on Sundays at our home.

Our repeated requests for them to spend time with us by attending one of the children's sporting events have been ignored. I speak for my husband and children when I state that we are at our wit's end with the arguments, hostility, tears and guilt trips. We're tired of apologizing for how we live our lives.

I know they are fans of your column. Any advice, Abby? -- EXASPERATED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR EXASPERATED: The situation you describe is typical of many families caught up in the demands of the modern world. Your parents' reaction is generational, too, because your goals are different. They have too much time on their hands; you don't have enough. It is flattering that they want to spend more time with your family; however, for your own peace of mind, don't take their complaints too seriously.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)