DEAR ABBY: I recently received two invitations that rubbed me the wrong way. Perhaps, in spite of my young age (26), I'm old-fashioned, but I think they were tacky.
The first was from a coworker who is getting married. The invitation was for a paper shower. I assumed that meant the guests should bring paper for games or other activities. Just to be sure, I called the bride-to-be to find out exactly what to bring. Boy, was I shocked! She told me she wanted only money or gift certificates. I was so put off I didn't attend or send a gift.
The other invitation was to a baby shower for a friend of a friend whom I barely know. I'm a fun-loving person and planned to attend until I read the invitation carefully. The shower was being held at an expensive restaurant, and the invitation said, "No host lunch." Abby, I got the impression that I was to bring a gift, pay for my own lunch, then leave. I didn't attend that shower either; however, I did send a gift for which I never received a thank-you or acknowledgment.
I have been the honoree of both a bridal and baby shower. The bridal shower was traditional with food, cake, games and close friends with whom I enjoy spending time. The baby shower was a luncheon, but my hostesses and I picked up the tab. I hope my guests never felt as pressured or insulted as I did when I received the invitations I have described.
Abby, am I overreacting to this, or is it proper for the '90s? -- NOT ATTENDING MANY SHOWERS IN TENNESSEE
DEAR NOT ATTENDING: You are not overreacting. I don't blame you for refusing the invitations. Let your silence speak for you.