DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old single mother who met a man on the Internet. He is 35 and has two children. He was separated from his wife until recently.

Things were fine between us until his wife got kicked out of her house and had to move back in with him.

I love him to death and want to be with him, but since he is a new pastor and just got a church, he thinks he should try to work things out with his wife. He still sends me e-mail and tells me that he misses me and things are not going well with his wife, but it hurts me that he's with her instead of me.

Abby, should I stay in contact with him? Sign me, ANGUISHED ANGEL IN THE DESERT

DEAR ANGUISHED ANGEL: People can describe themselves any way they want on the Internet, and tell you anything, but until you meet and get to know them, you have no way of knowing how much is truth and how much is not.

Your "friend" is behaving like neither a divinity student nor a new pastor. If I were a betting woman, I'd wager that he and his wife were never separated, and the story about her having to move back in is an excuse to avoid making a commitment to you.

I suggest you cut your losses now, and look around in the real world for a real man and a real relationship.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Right or Wrong," who was concerned about whether ornamental pins should be worn on the right or the left side. Although there is no "correct" side on which to wear a pin, it should call attention to the wearer's face. For example, an animal pin should always be worn with the animal facing the wearer's face, so the viewer's eye is drawn toward the face, not the shoulder. -- MASTER JEWELER, BEDFORD, TEXAS

DEAR MASTER JEWELER: Although there may be no correct side on which to place a pin, there certainly are a number of opinions on the subject, each with its own point. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You told "Right or Wrong" that the left side is the correct side to display a pin. Maybe so, Abby, but logic says otherwise. I make the plastic name tags for our church members, and I position the backings so that the only way to conveniently pin the tag is on the right. Why? Because when greeting a person by shaking hands, we always extend the right hand and our eye naturally looks at the right side of the body. If it's worn on the left side, the tag is not as easily visible. -- HAL WALLIS, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: I wear my pins on the right side, not the left, as you advised "Right or Wrong" to do. The seat belt in my car crosses my left shoulder and interferes with my pin if I wear it on the left. -- RHONDA IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter about women wearing decorative pins on the left side. I wonder if most women wear them on the left for the same reason that I do: My purse strap goes over my right shoulder, and I don't want it to catch on my pin. -- JAYNE COLLETT, SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR HAL, RHONDA AND JAYNE: To each his or her own, but I don't want to get stuck on the subject of pins.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Irene who has many wonderful qualities. She's warm, friendly, funny -- and if you were hungry, she'd share her last biscuit with you.

Her one flaw: She treats her children like indentured servants. Irene thinks nothing of calling a nearby son or daughter to venture out at midnight in this dangerous city to bring her a cup of coffee.

She calls her children daily, demanding they chauffeur her here and there, do her laundry or make repairs.

Abby, despite her health problems, Irene is a big, strong woman, and she's married to a perfectly healthy man.

I've been present on several occasions when one or more of Irene's 10 children were present, and I've yet to hear her compliment her sons. She shouts at them, calls them "stupid," and criticizes whatever they have done for her. She pokes her nose into their business and disagrees with every decision they make. I suspect this is displaced anger toward her first husband, who was a womanizer.

Irene's daughters are not treated so badly, but they mimic their mother's behavior toward her sons; they treat their brothers as badly as Irene does.

Irene constantly complains that her children don't share their good fortune with her, but most of them are struggling to survive. They do share with her to some degree, but never as much as she wants them to. She never fails to bring up the "sacrifices" she's made for them. Abby, all mothers make sacrifices for their children, but it's the love and support the children remember -- not the sacrifices.

Several of her children have told me they dread hearing her voice on the telephone, and they make any excuse they can to avoid going to her home because her hand is always out. Irene is growing older, and I can see the handwriting on the wall. When the day comes that she truly needs their help, her children will put her in a boarding house with strangers and visit her for an hour now and then out of duty. She'll sit there with nothing to do but feel sorry for herself, bitter over her "ungrateful" children.

She hasn't asked me for advice, so I haven't offered any, but I hope she sees my letter in your column and recognizes herself before it's too late to become more considerate and appreciative of her children. Sign me, SAD FRIEND IN D.C.

DEAR SAD FRIEND: Those who read my column rarely realize the problem on the page is also theirs, and I guarantee you that someone as self-centered as Irene will be blind to her shortcomings. However, where there's life, there is hope. Clip this letter and send it to her. I'll bet it will be the 11th copy she receives.

DEAR ABBY: I was married a little more than a year ago, and now my husband and I are getting a friendly divorce. We have told our families and close friends, but my parents are pressuring me to tell all our relatives. I rarely see most of them. How do I go about telling people I see only at holiday and family get-togethers? Please do not use my name. -- ALMOST A DIVORCEE

DEAR ALMOST: Send your relatives a short personal note advising them of your mutual decision to divorce. Also, give them your new address and telephone number if you have moved. It isn't necessary to provide any details about the reason you are divorcing.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I have a message I would like to pass on to teen-agers. I hope you will print it.

Young people, that first beer may carry a cost far higher than the $5 you pay for a six-pack. Let me tell you what beer cost me:

1. A career in the Air Force because after six years, I wanted to drink beer instead of report for duty.

2. An accounting career because I stole from my employer to buy beer.

3. A close relationship with my parents and sister because they don't drink.

4. A son and daughter. They have refused any contact with me for 11 years. I last tried to talk with them in October 1997, but they wanted no part of me.

5. A close relationship with my wife and another son because my wife doesn't drink.

6. Friends. I used and abused them until they had enough and cut me off.

7. A secure future. I'm 53 with no savings, assets or insurance.

8. My driver's license.

9. Medical care. I fear what a doctor may find.

10. My self-respect. I'm a loser and there's no reason to be sober.

In the 1970s I attended AA and stayed sober for two years, but it didn't last.

Thirty-three years ago when I drank my first beer, I had dreams and plans. I had no idea that I'd be a common laborer and a drunk in 1998. Before you start drinking, think where it may land you in 33 years.

Abby, I am one of the lucky ones. You may ask why I think I'm lucky. Well, I'm alive and my drinking hasn't killed anyone -- yet. I wish there were a foolproof cure, but there's not, so the only way to avoid ending up like me is to never risk drinking that first beer. Believe me, it's not worth it.

You may use my first name, but please don't use my last name because I don't want to embarrass my family any further. -- DONALD IN FLORIDA

DEAR DONALD: Your letter is quite sobering. I hope it will prompt every young person who is tempted to try a beer to carefully consider the consequences. I urge you to return to AA or some other treatment program. Many people have successfully beaten this addiction, and you can too, if you get help.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. He has a 42-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. She has been married twice and has three sons. She forced her second husband to pay for her college education, and then she dumped him.

Now this daughter is ready for graduate school and has dropped several hints that we should pay for it. My husband is 62 and retired. I run a home-based sewing business so we don't have to dip into our savings to supplement our limited income. Yet this middle-aged daughter thinks WE should pay for her education.

Abby, what should my response be in this situation? -- ON PINS AND NEEDLES IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ON PINS AND NEEDLES: Tell her no, and if she asks why, don't embroider the truth -- simply say, "We can't afford it."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)