DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call Irene who has many wonderful qualities. She's warm, friendly, funny -- and if you were hungry, she'd share her last biscuit with you.

Her one flaw: She treats her children like indentured servants. Irene thinks nothing of calling a nearby son or daughter to venture out at midnight in this dangerous city to bring her a cup of coffee.

She calls her children daily, demanding they chauffeur her here and there, do her laundry or make repairs.

Abby, despite her health problems, Irene is a big, strong woman, and she's married to a perfectly healthy man.

I've been present on several occasions when one or more of Irene's 10 children were present, and I've yet to hear her compliment her sons. She shouts at them, calls them "stupid," and criticizes whatever they have done for her. She pokes her nose into their business and disagrees with every decision they make. I suspect this is displaced anger toward her first husband, who was a womanizer.

Irene's daughters are not treated so badly, but they mimic their mother's behavior toward her sons; they treat their brothers as badly as Irene does.

Irene constantly complains that her children don't share their good fortune with her, but most of them are struggling to survive. They do share with her to some degree, but never as much as she wants them to. She never fails to bring up the "sacrifices" she's made for them. Abby, all mothers make sacrifices for their children, but it's the love and support the children remember -- not the sacrifices.

Several of her children have told me they dread hearing her voice on the telephone, and they make any excuse they can to avoid going to her home because her hand is always out. Irene is growing older, and I can see the handwriting on the wall. When the day comes that she truly needs their help, her children will put her in a boarding house with strangers and visit her for an hour now and then out of duty. She'll sit there with nothing to do but feel sorry for herself, bitter over her "ungrateful" children.

She hasn't asked me for advice, so I haven't offered any, but I hope she sees my letter in your column and recognizes herself before it's too late to become more considerate and appreciative of her children. Sign me, SAD FRIEND IN D.C.

DEAR SAD FRIEND: Those who read my column rarely realize the problem on the page is also theirs, and I guarantee you that someone as self-centered as Irene will be blind to her shortcomings. However, where there's life, there is hope. Clip this letter and send it to her. I'll bet it will be the 11th copy she receives.

DEAR ABBY: I was married a little more than a year ago, and now my husband and I are getting a friendly divorce. We have told our families and close friends, but my parents are pressuring me to tell all our relatives. I rarely see most of them. How do I go about telling people I see only at holiday and family get-togethers? Please do not use my name. -- ALMOST A DIVORCEE

DEAR ALMOST: Send your relatives a short personal note advising them of your mutual decision to divorce. Also, give them your new address and telephone number if you have moved. It isn't necessary to provide any details about the reason you are divorcing.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I have a message I would like to pass on to teen-agers. I hope you will print it.

Young people, that first beer may carry a cost far higher than the $5 you pay for a six-pack. Let me tell you what beer cost me:

1. A career in the Air Force because after six years, I wanted to drink beer instead of report for duty.

2. An accounting career because I stole from my employer to buy beer.

3. A close relationship with my parents and sister because they don't drink.

4. A son and daughter. They have refused any contact with me for 11 years. I last tried to talk with them in October 1997, but they wanted no part of me.

5. A close relationship with my wife and another son because my wife doesn't drink.

6. Friends. I used and abused them until they had enough and cut me off.

7. A secure future. I'm 53 with no savings, assets or insurance.

8. My driver's license.

9. Medical care. I fear what a doctor may find.

10. My self-respect. I'm a loser and there's no reason to be sober.

In the 1970s I attended AA and stayed sober for two years, but it didn't last.

Thirty-three years ago when I drank my first beer, I had dreams and plans. I had no idea that I'd be a common laborer and a drunk in 1998. Before you start drinking, think where it may land you in 33 years.

Abby, I am one of the lucky ones. You may ask why I think I'm lucky. Well, I'm alive and my drinking hasn't killed anyone -- yet. I wish there were a foolproof cure, but there's not, so the only way to avoid ending up like me is to never risk drinking that first beer. Believe me, it's not worth it.

You may use my first name, but please don't use my last name because I don't want to embarrass my family any further. -- DONALD IN FLORIDA

DEAR DONALD: Your letter is quite sobering. I hope it will prompt every young person who is tempted to try a beer to carefully consider the consequences. I urge you to return to AA or some other treatment program. Many people have successfully beaten this addiction, and you can too, if you get help.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 35 years. He has a 42-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. She has been married twice and has three sons. She forced her second husband to pay for her college education, and then she dumped him.

Now this daughter is ready for graduate school and has dropped several hints that we should pay for it. My husband is 62 and retired. I run a home-based sewing business so we don't have to dip into our savings to supplement our limited income. Yet this middle-aged daughter thinks WE should pay for her education.

Abby, what should my response be in this situation? -- ON PINS AND NEEDLES IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ON PINS AND NEEDLES: Tell her no, and if she asks why, don't embroider the truth -- simply say, "We can't afford it."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: One of my best friends (I'll call her Peggy) has betrayed me. There was an opening for a position at my place of employment that paid more than the job she had. Peggy asked if I would help her get the job.

After attempting to put her off, and against my better judgment, I agreed to help Peggy because she had always been responsible at work. I spoke to the supervisor of the department and told her how reliable my friend was, so she agreed to interview her.

Abby, based on my recommendation, Peggy was hired, but after only four days, she decided the job was not for her and she quit.

Should I apologize to my supervisor? I know I'll lose respect from my co-workers because of what Peggy did, and I'd like to regain it. Am I justified in being angry with Peggy, and should I say something to her, too? -- EMBARRASSED AT WORK

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Since you went to bat for your friend, it would be in your best interest to apologize to your supervisor for the lemon you recommended. And you would not be out of line if you told Peggy that her irresponsible behavior damaged your credibility and embarrassed you. Next time, listen to your intuition.

DEAR ABBY: I am the divorced father of a 7-year-old daughter. I'll call her Gloria. I have custody of Gloria every Thursday and every other weekend, but it's not often enough. However, "Lois," her mother, will not agree to give us more time together. Lois, by the way, has newborn twins. I think she's spending so much time with them that Gloria is getting too little of her mother's attention.

Abby, my daughter cries constantly and begs to spend more time with me. We have a great relationship and love each other very much. It breaks my heart to drop her off at her mother's home, and Gloria never wants to leave me. I remarried right after the divorce and my second wife is due to deliver our first child in a few weeks. I think the new baby about to join our family may have upset Gloria. Perhaps that's the reason for her tears. I worry that my beautiful daughter will become a problem child in need of therapy.

A few days ago, before I dropped Gloria off at school, I mentioned that I had a "tummyache." She worried about me all day, terrified that I would die. When Lois picked her up after school, the teacher told her that Gloria was crying because of me, so Lois called and screamed at me for upsetting Gloria. I spoke to my daughter on the phone and calmed her a little bit, but she was still worried.

I suggested again to Lois that Gloria be allowed to spend more time in my home, but Lois screamed, "It's too disruptive!" She's extremely stubborn when it comes to Gloria and will not listen to a word I say.

Abby, I'd give my life to save Gloria's, and now I ask myself why I didn't remain in my marriage, despite my unhappiness, so that I could be a full-time father to my precious daughter. But I didn't, so now what do I do? -- DESPERATE DAD

DEAR DESPERATE DAD: Now you go back to court and make a formal request for more time with your daughter. In the light of what you told me, I hope the judge will be sympathetic.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)