DEAR ABBY: This summer my husband's four children by a previous marriage spent their vacation with us. They are 16, 15, 13 and 11. I have a 13-year-old daughter.

Abby, I spent months planning their holiday so that everything would go well. I did all the shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry for them during their visit. I bought tickets for all of us to do interesting things while they were here. We had just put in a new pool, and they could swim every day if they wanted to. We hosted two picnics so they could see everyone in the family. There wasn't a day that they didn't have something to do, and they seemed to have a good time. There were a few arguments between the kids, but nothing major.

After they left, my husband called to make sure they had made it home OK. He was told his children had a terrible time; they had nothing positive to say about their vacation. They totally trashed me and my daughter. My husband knew they were lying, but he still took their side.

I am crushed. I worked hard to give his kids a great vacation. I'm so angry with my husband I'm seeing red. What should I do? -- FURIOUS WIFE AND STEPMOTHER

DEAR FURIOUS: First, calm down; then forgive your husband. He's not the villain.

Accept the fact that the chidlren told their mother what they thought she wanted to hear. They lied because they were afraid she'd feel hurt to hear they enjoyed themselves while they were with their father and you. Forgive them; they are caught in the middle and are attempting to protect their mother.

DEAR ABBY: I am now 54 years old and have been a widow for almost 10 years. There's a gentleman in our small town of 7,000 who lost his wife four years ago. He's very eligible, and to my knowledge, has never dated since her death.

I called him about four months ago to ask if he'd be interested in going to dinner with me sometime. He owns a business, and he said he was very busy, but he had thought about calling me.

About a month ago, he had a new grandson, so just to make contact, I sent a congratulatory card, adding if he ever needed any company, I'd enjoy going to a movie with him sometime. I gave him both my home and work numbers. I have still not heard from him.

Abby, I think about him every day. He's a good, hard-working man and seems like a good catch. It took me 10 years to really become interested in dating again, and I'm disappointed that I haven't heard from him.

Should I make any further attempts to let him know I'm interested, or just wait it out? -- POISED TO POUNCE

DEAR POISED: He has your number(s); now it's up to him to pick up the phone and take you up on your offer. You've done as much as you can without boldly chasing him. The good news is that you now know you're ready to consider another man in your life. If he doesn't respond, keep looking. Good luck.

INSPIRATION FOR TODAY: Do more than exist; live. Do more than touch; feel. Do more than look; observe. Do more than read; absorb. Do more than hear; listen. Do more than listen; understand. Do more than think; ponder. Do more than talk; say something. (John H. Rhoades)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for sending me your 1988 letter from "Paying the Price in Phoenix." It is a powerful letter that I distribute to DUI/DWI defendants who appear before me.

May I suggest that you republish the letter and advise your readers that the average legal fee in such cases has now risen to more than $2,000 in the last 10 years. Driving after a "few" drinks could result in many thousands of dollars in legal, insurance and damage costs, not to mention the potential injuries and deaths. -- JUDGE IRA J. RAAB, DISTRICT COURT, NASSAU COUNTY, N.Y.

DEAR JUDGE RAAB: Glad I could help. I agree, the original letter is worth a reprint:

DEAR ABBY: I am a self-supporting single parent and recently was out on a date with a "fun" guy. He handled his beer just fine. I left him at 1 a.m. to drive home, knowing I'd had enough wine to necessitate caution while driving.

I was concentrating on being a careful driver when a light started to flash behind me. I pulled over, and the lady officer gave me the field sobriety test, read me my rights, took my driver's license and handcuffed my hands behind my back. I remember telling her that I was a professional and asking if I had to go through all that. She said I did.

I was driven to the police station in a police car. The officers were very courteous. I was given a Breathalyzer test. My rating was .13 -- the legal limit is .10. I was fingerprinted and ticketed for DWI. There were no prior traffic violations.

I was not allowed to leave unless someone picked me up. (I didn't want to tell anybody.) I said I'd stay the night, but the officer strongly discouraged it, so I called a friend to pick me up at the police station at 3 a.m. (It was terrible having to call my children and explain why I needed my friend's phone number.)

While I waited, I was locked in a cell like a common criminal. When I arrived home, it was time to go to work. I was required to report my arrest! It was humiliating to tell my work administrator.

I chose to retain an attorney for $1,000 to walk me through the legal process. I was completely without my driver's license for 30 days, and I was allowed to drive only to and from work for the next 60 days. Because the alcohol content was below .15 and there was no previous record, I was given special consideration such as the work permit, and the mandatory time in jail was counted as the time I waited in jail for my ride home. I was lucky.

My car insurance more than doubled for three years, and it will be seven years before I qualify for the less expensive rates. This experience is going to cost me at least $4,000, which I can ill afford. The inconvenience for myself and my children is difficult to handle.

I've had to impose on friends for rides and favors. My parents are disgusted with me, and I don't blame them. The mental stress is hard to handle.

I hope you print this, Abby. Maybe other people will learn from it. -- PAYING THE PRICE IN PHOENIX

DEAR PAYING: Thanks for a letter that may cause people to realize that if they have had "a few" drinks, they should not drive.

Sadly, statistics show that many die tragically and needlessly because the person behind the wheel had "a few."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years urinates in the front yard of our home. He usually does this after dark, but has on occasion moved to the side yard to urinate during daylight hours. When we were first married I thought it was because he was drunk -- but he's been sober for more than 10 years.

I've told him I believe his behavior to be a form of perversion, illegal and disgusting. Years ago, he promised to stop since it upsets me so much, but when I interrupted his front-yard ritual a few moments ago he said he "forgot" how strongly I felt about it. He promised not to do it anymore and reassured me that all men do it. He doesn't think it is wrong at all.

Abby, we live in a nice neighborhood, my husband has a college degree, is a successful businessman and is over 50. I am so afraid my neighbors have seen him I can't even think about it. I've seen him do it even when the toilet would be closer. Is this a normal male ritual? -- THE "WHIZ-ZARD'S" WIFE

DEAR WIFE: This is not a subject that's often discussed, but I suspect the practice is not unusual. Dogs and cats urinate to mark their territory. Your husband may be doing it for the same reason. For pets, the problem can be resolved by neutering; however, I wouldn't recommend that for your husband. The Los Angeles Police Department informs me that it's "not illegal as long as it is not in public view." Check with the police in your city to be sure there are no ordinances against it.

DEAR ABBY: Why do so many mothers dress their little girls like adults? When my granddaughter, age 7, showed me her new bathing suit, I was appalled. It was a two-piece bikini that barely covered her bottom, and the top was no better. I didn't say anything other than to ask her who had chosen it. My granddaughter told me her mother did.

I don't know if I should say anything about this to my daughter-in-law. I don't want to lose her friendship, but the world doesn't need 7-year-old sexpots, and I believe that, aware of it or not, my daughter-in-law is encouraging this attitude in her child.

I have noticed that in her family all the women tend to dress provocatively. I want my grandchildren to learn better values than this. However, since they don't live nearby, I don't have much opportunity to influence them.

I don't want to run their lives or make enemies, but if the elders of our generation do not teach their young people about life and values, who will? I'm not afraid to be unpopular by standing up for what I believe; neither do I want to cause trouble. I'm not saying I'm better than my daughter-in-law, but I think my values are. What should I do? -- TROUBLED GRANDMA

DEAR TROUBLED GRANDMA: Any attempt on your part to "correct" your daughter-in-law's child-rearing methods could cause more harm than good. Because you are deeply troubled, approach your son privately with your opinion of the swimsuit and your values.

Keep in mind that although you do not live nearby, as your grandchildren mature, you will have many opportunities to share your values when they visit you or you visit them.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)