DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and was dating a man a few years older. "Rick" and I dated for two years, and lived together almost a year and a half. About six months ago, Rick was killed in a motorcycle accident. Had he lived, he would have been the one I married and spent the rest of my life with.

Here's my problem: Although I loved Rick with all my heart, I know that I am young and will have other relationships. I'll never forget Rick, and I'll carry him in my heart. I don't want to hurt Rick's family or give them the idea that I don't respect his memory.

I have been doing things with a male "friend" of mine, and it may get serious. Is it too soon? I know that the only one who can know that is me, but how do I handle the public relations aspect? Rick is gone, and my life must go on. -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: It's all right to begin dating, but if you're considering living with this "friend" or making any announcements, I suggest that you slow down. Do nothing in haste, including an announcement to Rick's grieving family that you now have a relationship that may get serious. You are very vulnerable right now. Not only do you need time to heal from your loss, this new relationship needs time to develop.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share an idea with your readers. I am currently an at-home mom with a 3-year-old daughter. I encourage her to do various craft projects. I couldn't save all of them and felt guilty throwing them in the trash. So we started a monthly project of making her crafts into tray favors (cards and bookmarks) for the local Meals on Wheels program. The organization is very appreciative of the crafts that brighten the days for many seniors. My daughter is also learning how she can positively impact her community. -- JOANNA VELASCO, PLACENTIA, CALIF.

DEAR JOANNA: What a charming idea! Your daughter is forunate to have a mother as imaginative as you. At the rate she's going, your little girl will be a recognized artist by the time she is out of kindergarten.

DEAR ABBY: I'm glad that "Lucky Old Guy in Oregon" thinks he's so lucky. Personally, if my spouse "whacked" me every time I lit a cigarette (or did anything that HE judged to be "unhealthful"), or yelled at me and gave me half-hour lectures if I cheated a little on my diet, I think I would find death to be a welcome escape from him.

My husband and I look out for each other's health. Our greatest wish is that we can happily, and with mutual respect, grow old together. The difference between us and "Old Guy" is that he seems to relish his wife's disciplinary tactics. His "loving" wife sounds like a major control freak to me, and he's a whipped doormat.

Abby, does this sound like a marriage of mutual respect and love? Would you want to be in "Old Guy"'s shoes? Just because he has lived a long life doesn't make him "lucky." Some inmates in prison live to be very old, too! -- LUCKIER STILL IN CANYON COUNTRY, CALIF.

DEAR LUCKIER: Your letter made me smile. It's difficult to argue with success, but it does make one wonder if "Lucky Old Guy" would be healthier if he had assumed the personal responsibility for disciplining himself instead of relying on his wife's orders to adhere to a diet and exercise plan.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've had the same problem as "Genuinely Concerned," whose children received too many gifts from her in-laws. Your advice was right on target.

However, I'd like to add the following: First, her parents should never stop giving gifts because they "cannot compete." Gift giving is not a competition; it is an expression of love. My parents give gifts they can afford, not ones that compete with the other grandparents. I've taught my children that a $1 gift is just as important as a $100 gift.

Second, suggest alternatives to the excessive clothes and toys. Purchasing a bond or opening a mutual fund for the children will be far more appreciated in the future than a game or toy that has long since been discarded.

Although I consistently (but politely) encouraged this type of gift for my children, my in-laws persisted with an excess of "stuff" for years. After about eight years of friction over gifts, my husband and I asked my in-laws to watch the children one weekend. I do not know the details of what happened, but upon our return, my mother-in-law announced that the children had too many clothes and toys, and from now on, she was sending them bonds for their future.

Each of our four children now has an adequate number of toys and sufficient clothing, but more important, they also have their college educations almost completely paid for, thanks to grandparents who finally saw the light. -- HARMONY IN FLORIDA

DEAR HARMONY: One can only guess what happened that weekend, but whatever it was, everyone ended up a winner.

I also heard from many families who have creative gift-giving policies. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I want to reply to the letter from "Genuinely Concerned." Instead of trying to compete with the number of gifts my children received from my in-laws, my mother (who is alone and living on a fixed income) gives them something no one else can -- her time and love.

My children have received gifts from her such as sleep-overs at Grandma's that included selecting their own movie and dinner. She has taught them to sew, knit and bake. She even made them a dollhouse, and they have spent hours with her making miniature furniture and clothes for their dolls. She loves her grandchildren and knows them well because of the one-on-one time she spends with them.

I sincerely hope "Genuinely Concerned"'s parents can find a way to connect with their grandchildren. It is not about money. -- COLLEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COLLEEN: Well said!

DEAR ABBY: For 20 years or more, I have given my grandchildren and great-grandchildren lessons -- swimming, dance, music, karate -- as gifts. I always check with the parents for their approval first.

I start with basic, beginning lessons at age 3 or 4 and continue if the child is interested. They end up with a lifetime skill, not a room full of stuff. -- GIVING GRANDMA

DEAR GIVING GRANDMA: That's terrific. Talents that are nourished in childhood can bring years of pleasure in years to come.

In addition, other readers suggested treating the grandchildren to breakfast, long walks, lunch in the park, trips to the library or zoo, gardening, or simply reading and/or singing with them. Any of these activities will increase closeness in the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this letter for my sister, "Janis," who is beside herself with anger. She recently had a christening party for her newborn twins and was surprised and hurt that our other sister, "Lois," and her husband did not bring a gift or card for the occasion. They gave some lame excuse about just getting back from a vacation and not having time to stop by a store to pick up a gift.

The twins' mother is thinking about confronting Lois, and I'm afraid of the consequences. Is a gift always necessary? What is the best way to handle this? -- PEACEMAKER IN BLOOMFIELD

DEAR PEACEMAKER: Tell your sister to hold her horses. Your other sister and her husband may have had a valid reason for failing to bring a gift to the christening and they may come up with one yet. It's traditional to present a gift at a christening, but if it's forced, it's not a gift. Better to let it go than alienate family members. No gift is worth losing a sister.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to the woman who wanted to write her life story for her children and include the disclosure of an extramarital affair was right on the money. You told her to keep her story to herself.

I know from being the recipient of such news earlier this year how right you are. If the woman thinks her children are unaware of the affair she had, she's wrong! I suspected my father was having an affair, and even met the woman who was his mistress (although she wasn't introduced to me as that). Even with my suspicions, having the news confirmed was devastating.

I hope the woman has enough sense to follow your advice. If she loves her children, she shouldn't hurt them in this way. Although I have forgiven my father, I doubt I will ever forget this. -- DEVASTATED BUT SURVIVING IN TORONTO

DEAR DEVASTATED: I appreciate your support of my view. Truth is admirable, but when it comes to a cruel truth that can hurt others, I vote for silence.

DEAR ABBY: I recently read that you were once a volunteer with the Gray Ladies. When I was 3 years old, I was admitted to the hospital to have my tonsils removed.

The next day, the ward was quarantined for diphtheria and I spent 29 days away from my family. My memories of that time consist entirely of the love given me, a frightened and lonely child, by the Gray Ladies. I want to thank you all for the kindness shown to me and thousands of others. -- MICHELLE PHILLIPS, LOS ANGELES

DEAR MICHELLE: Your letter brought back many fond memories of my days as a volunteer at Luther Hospital in Eau Claire, Wis. I don't recall anything as dramatic as a stranded child, but I am proud to have been a part of such a fine group of women.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I will be attending a Catholic church soon for a special event.

As Protestants, is it necessary for us to kneel when everybody else does? -- WONDERING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR WONDERING: No.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)