DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Heartbroken in Oregon," the man who is in the middle of a divorce and whose wife now wants to move their daughter out of state, really hit home. In the beginning, our divorce was far from friendly. However, we finally got over our anger and got back to the business of raising our two beautiful children. We now have a 50-50 custody arrangement, and our son and daughter are happy and well-adjusted.

Last year I was offered the job of a lifetime. It meant more money, more prestige and tremendous potential for advancement. It also meant moving thousands of miles away from my family.

My career has always been important to me and this offer was quite a prize. My ex-wife and I discussed the situation at length. We explored all possible options, but focused always on our main objective -- the best interests of the children. Ultimately, we decided that it would be best for me to turn down the job and remain in California. My ex-wife couldn't afford to relocate, and she and I agreed that the children still need both of us around on a full-time basis. Obviously, this was a huge sacrifice on my part, but one I gladly made.

Your response to "Heartbroken" was appropriate when you advised him to consider moving closer to Florida to be near his daughter. I take exception, however, to your remark that the little girl "belongs with her mother." I grew up in a family with an absentee father, so I know firsthand the pain such a situation can cause. That's why I am committed to making ANY sacrifice necessary to stay close to my kids.

Both "Heartbroken" and his ex sound as if they are thinking only of themselves. They need to buck up, quit whining, and get to work at being parents. -- LOVING THE DADDY GIG IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOVING THE DADDY GIG: Many readers disagreed with my statement that the little girl belongs with her mother. Since the father seemed agreeable to moving near his daughter in the future, I think my answer was on target. A short separation from her father will not have long-term effects on the child if she understands it is only temporary.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Well-Fed in Sacramento," who was ashamed when those treating her to dinner left inadequate tips: Why doesn't SHE offer to leave the tip? This is a polite response when one party insists on paying, and it would relieve her of the embarrassment of the host leaving an insufficient tip. -- LIKES TO EAT OUT IN BOONTON, N.J.

DEAR LIKES TO EAT OUT: Now why didn't I think of that? It would work nicely if the hosts would allow it. If not, the guest could take my suggestion of leaving additional money quietly as he or she leaves the table.

DEAR ABBY: This guy (I'll call him Alan) and I broke up a few months ago. I have dated others, but he's constantly on my mind. I want to tell Alan how I feel, but I'm afraid the feelings won't be returned. To complicate matters, three of my girlfriends also have crushes on him. Nobody but me knows how I feel, and I can't take it any more. What should I do? -- HOT FOR ALAN IN BRAIDWOOD, ILL.

DEAR HOT FOR ALAN: It would have been helpful had you mentioned which one of you ended the relationship. If YOU did, there might be a chance Alan will be receptive if you confide to him that he's the kind of man who isn't easily forgotten. If HE did, stay silent.

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DEAR ABBY: For some time I had suspected my girlfriend of sleeping with someone I had considered my best friend. We all lived in the same college house, so it was a tense situation. When I confronted the two of them, they denied it and I believed them. It was easier than thinking that two people I loved were lying to my face. Soon thereafter I witnessed them in a sex act in his car. I was destroyed, but didn't know how to handle the situation, so I kept quiet.

Since that time, my girlfriend and I have moved to New York for the summer. I have cautiously brought up the subject of infidelity with her on several occasions, but I didn't tell her what I had seen. I was trying to give her an opportunity to tell me the truth; the truth is all I've ever asked of her. She repeatedly denied that anything had happened, going so far as to become angry with me for suspecting her. The pain of her lies is nearly unbearable.

Abby, I love them both so much and have no idea how to proceed. I feel like a doormat, a cuckold, a fool; however, I can't bring myself to hate them, even though society dictates that I should. They both mean too much to me to cut them out of my life.

How can my pride be salvaged in a situation like this? Should I allow them to believe their secret is safe? -- DYING INSIDE

DEAR DYING: I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Your girlfriend has not only cheated, she's also proven herself to be a liar -- and your "best friend" has shown he's no better. That combination of punches would floor almost anyone.

You owe it to yourself to tell them what you saw, and that they owe you an explanation. After you get some answers, whether or not you choose to continue either of the relationships is entirely up to you.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Sorry Down South" compels me to write. The description of the office politics surrounding the undeserved firing of a co-worker could easily be what my husband experienced two years ago. As a result, his chances for promotion in his career are now nonexistent.

"Sorry Down South" wants to undo the damage to the co-worker's career. Contacting the man's lawyer would be a good start -- if he has a lawyer. However, I suggest that "Down South" also contact the former co-worker himself. He may be praying for someone to come forward with the truth so he can build a case and hire a lawyer. Equally important, whatever suspicions he may have about the reason for his firing can then be put to rest.

Abby, I'm glad you told "Sorry Down South" to step forward. It could begin a healing process for all concerned. One person's courage in admitting the truth might encourage others to step forward as well.

Please, "Sorry Down South," this man deserves the truth. As the wife of a man who could easily have been your co-worker, I know that it will be received with open arms. -- WIFE WHO'S BEEN THERE

DEAR WIFE: Perhaps my advice, coupled with your plea for justice, will inspire "Sorry" to do the right thing. I'll hold good thoughts for you and your husband. You are in my prayers.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: About the restaurant closing time item in your column -- how many restaurateurs did you interview before writing your answer? If my closing time is 9 p.m., that is when we close the door to NEW customers. Whoever arrives before 9 receives our best service until they leave.

Indeed, I do fault the employees and management of the restaurant in question. In my judgment, that restaurant's policy lost a minimum of four future customers in that one incident alone. -- WARD HORNBLOWER PROESCHER, COMMODORE DINING EVENTS, LAYFAYETTE, CALIF.

DEAR WARD: I didn't interview any -- and I apologize for that answer, which generated some eye-opening mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: A restaurant's posted closing time means NO ADDITIONAL customers after that time. Or, that's when the kitchen closes. Or, no more food service after that time. But it does NOT mean that the door is locked at the stroke of 9 and diners should stop what they're doing and get out. If a person has been seated 15 minutes before the posted closing time, certainly the expectation is that the customer will have time to eat.

What kind of stupidity allows employees to make a customer's dinnertime so miserable that they not only won't return, but will surely tell all their friends about their experience? That's no way to do business. I think the restaurant was at fault. -- S. DAVID IN SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.

DEAR S. DAVID: After chewing on it for a while, I must agree. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a lifetime restaurant worker, the posted closing time is when no more customers are allowed into the restaurant. Guests entering before that time have the right to receive the same quality of service as those entering at the height of business hours.

Owners and managers who care about their guests would have disciplined employees acting like those at the restaurant in San Carlos.

The problem with that restaurant, and too many others, is the employees forgot the most important rule of proper service: Guests are never an inconvenience. Guests are our livelihood! Without them, we might as well be dishing out food at a school cafeteria, instead of practicing the fine art of restaurant service, one in which many of us take a great deal of pride. -- DONNA WILLIAMS, NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR DONNA: I stand corrected, but I did receive a small percentage of mail such as the following:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for the terrific answer to "Disappointed Diner in San Carlos, Calif." I have worked in food service for 30 years, 23 of which have been in management. Closing time for late customers has always been a problem. For some reason, people think that when the last customer leaves, all the manager and crew have to do is lock the doors and go home.

We want customers to have a pleasant dining experience, and most people do respect our closing times. However, I have seen many instances where my entire crew has been held up for two hours due to inconsiderate customers. Sometimes I feel like asking customers how they would like to stay an extra two hours at their jobs after their scheduled quitting time! -- JILL IN CULVER CITY, CALIF.

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