DEAR ABBY: I'm sending you a picture of my brother. While I don't expect you to send it to "Stressed Out," who was tempted to ignore the school's rule against attending parties where there was drinking and drugs or be penalized by removal from sports teams, please stress how deadly drinking can be. The picture of my brother -- on life-support due to his alcoholism -- is very sad for me, and very chilling to see.

Abby, I don't drink, but I'm being punished because of alcohol. My parents died young from alcohol-related disorders and now I've lost my brother to the same addiction. He began drinking at weekend parties when he was a teen-ager, never dreaming that he, too, would be unable to quit. He was a gifted artist, but the more he drank, the less artwork he produced -- and now he's dead.

It hurts me to see advertising that draws teens into drinking and smoking. When will the insanity stop?

To any teen who reads this and hasn't given in to the pressure to drink, I would like to pat you on the back. I am proud of you. It takes great strength to go against the flow. Your chances of making your dreams come true are increased if you don't allow alcohol to get in your way. -- GRIEVING AND ALONE IN ANAHEIM, CALIF.

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your beloved brother. I am printing your letter so teens can see for themselves that drinking and drugs can have unforeseen tragic results. Alcoholism and drug addiction are diseases, and unfortunately some families are genetically predisposed to them. Teens, beware! It CAN happen to you, so don't risk it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old high school sophomore. "Stressed Out in Washington" said it was difficult to avoid drinking, in spite of his school's rules that students would be dropped from sports if they went to parties where alcohol or drugs were used.

I have also made a decision not to drink. Many of my friends do, although my close friends do not. Sometimes I feel left out when I have to refuse invitations to parties with the popular crowd because they will be drinking and doing drugs. More than once, I have been tempted to go. I think that if I try drinking once I'll be satisfied and never do it again. But many of my friends who thought the same thing said it was harder to resist after trying it.

Now when I'm tempted to drink, I think about how I would disappoint others. My parents would no longer trust me, and I would let my little brother and sister down because they look to me as an example. Also, I volunteer with children in my church, teach Sunday school and work in the nursery. If their parents found out that I went to parties where there was drinking, they wouldn't trust me with their children.

My school also has a policy of dropping kids from athletic teams if they are caught drinking or are with others who are drinking. I am a cheerleader, and drinking would jeopardize my being on the squad. I agree with this policy because it probably keeps a few kids from drinking.

Abby, the reason athletes suffer consequences and kids who don't play sports get off with no punishment is that athletes are looked up to by everyone else. They set the standard for what is considered acceptable by the rest of the students. If athletes looked down on drinking, it would encourage others to follow.

I hope "Stressed Out" continues setting a high standard for other students. Maybe a few of them will follow his example. -- ARIZONA CHEERLEADER

DEAR ARIZONA CHEERLEADER: I hope so, too. You are a very wise young lady. When "Stressed Out in Washington" sees your supportive letter, I'm certain it will strengthen his resolve. Thank you for writing.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our son-in-law -- I'll call him Mack -- has become very antagonistic toward my husband and me recently. At first it was subtle, but it is getting worse. Mack and our daughter, "Gina," live about five hours away, so we do not see them often. It is very puzzling.

We have always adored Mack, but now it seems he does everything he can think of to annoy us. For instance, he now refuses to attend church with us when he and Gina visit our home. Numerous other little things also irritate me, and I'm becoming increasingly unhappy with him.

Frankly, Abby, it has reached the point where I no longer want to be around him or have him in my home.

Should I do anything about this, or let it alone? -- J.A. IN W.VA.

DEAR J.A.: It's important for in-laws to have at least a civil relationship with their children's spouses, so please try to get to the bottom of this change in your son-in-law's behavior.

Communication is usually the key to successful resolution of family problems. Call Mack and ask him to level with you about why he's treating you differently. What he says may hurt, but it can also give you a basis on which to begin mending the rift -- if there is one. If you can work this out, you will all be winners, especially if Mack and Gina have children in the future.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, you printed the job description for a best man. Will you please print a job description for the maid/matron of honor, or suggest a book that would explain her duties? -- MATRON OF HONOR

DEAR MATRON: My booklet titled "How to Have a Lovely Wedding" explains not only the duties of the best man, but also those of the other members of the wedding party, as well as countless details that need to be attended to in order to have a memorable wedding. However, since you asked, following are the duties of the maid/matron of honor:

"Usually the sister of the bride is chosen; or if she has no sister, then her closest friend.

"The groom's sister need not be maid or matron of honor unless she is the bride's close friend.

"She generally entertains for the bride before the wedding.

"She attends rehearsal, assists the bride in dressing for the ceremony, provides the 'something borrowed and something blue,' looks after the guests and clergyperson, and stands in the receiving line at the reception.

"During the ceremony, she will hold the bridegroom's ring (if it is a double-ring ceremony) and hand it to the bride at the proper time.

"She will also assist in arranging the bride's veil after the ceremony.

"Don't forget, she is essential as a witness."

DEAR ABBY: I just had to respond to "Mr. Forgettable." I, too, have one of those forgettable faces.

I can be standing three feet from people I have known for years, and they don't recognize me. So I have made it work for me. I am a private investigator in the Deep South. And when people find out that I am a P.I., they are so interested in what I do, they don't forget me anymore. -- HOPES TO STAY FORGETTABLE, GULFPORT, MISS.

DEAR HOPES: You are clever to have turned what some might consider a handicap into an asset. I'll wager you are very adept at your profession.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After nearly 40 years of marriage, my parents are in the middle of a divorce. My mother is devastated and humiliated. My father is now living with "Carol," who was my mother's best friend. They are living in what used to be my grandparents' home, less than a mile from Mother.

Mother is trying to get on with her life, but how can she when Carol insists on shopping at the store where my mother works? My father acts like he's done nothing wrong.

Abby, have they lost their minds? I'd like to think my father is sane, but I'm not too sure anymore. I'd greatly appreciate some advice about how to deal with this. -- IRATE IN TEXAS

DEAR IRATE: I hope your mother has a good divorce lawyer, because after having invested 40 years in her marriage she deserves to be left with more than "devastation and humiliation."

In some ways, a divorce is like a death in the family. Your mother is going to need time to grieve and heal. Do not allow her to isolate herself. Keep her busy and help her find new activities to occupy her time and her mind. Exercise is not only good for the body, it can help to keep depression at bay. Encourage her to join a gym or enroll in exercise classes. The more social contacts your mother can make, the better. It's important that she meet new people. Assure her that this is only the end of a chapter, it's not the whole story. And please tell her she is in my prayers.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in reference to some old coins that were left to me. I have no idea how to determine their worth, if any.

I have some pennies that are dated back to 1842, 1832 and 1803. I'd really like to find out more about them, but I don't know where to begin.

I was hoping that you or one of your experts could advise me where to get an honest appraisal of these coins.

I would appreciate any help you can give me. I am a longtime fan of your column. -- J.McW. IN RIVERSIDE, N.J.

DEAR J.: To get an honest appraisal, consult several coin dealers in your area and compare their estimates. In addition, your public library will have many books on coins and other valuable collectibles, and there are also many magazines for collectors. These should also provide some guidance on the value of your coins. You might consider locating a coin collector's club in your area to learn more about your pennies.

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for a letter I wrote you. No, I didn't mail it, but writing the letter and sharing it with my family afterward helped me greatly. It forced me to organize my thoughts and get in touch with my feelings, and it opened up helpful, healing dialogue.

May I suggest to your readers that they try this approach to whatever might be causing their sleepless nights? SENDING the letter is optional, but WRITING it can be essential in coming to terms with, and even solving, life's problems. -- PAM HANSSEN, SAN MATEO, CALIF.

DEAR PAM: I am a firm believer in the healing power of the pen, and I'm certain that many more letters have been written to me than have crossed my desk. For years readers have closed their letters with the statement, "Thank you, Abby ... I feel better just having gotten this off my chest." I'm delighted to help in any way I can, even as a silent sounding board.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)