DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Alice," deriding her relative's accomplishment of graduating from college in her 40s, was so outrageous -- and so touched a nerve personally -- that I feel compelled to write my first-ever letter to express an opinion publicly.

I interrupted college to raise three children. Thirty years later, I received an AA degree, with a 3.64 average and while working full time. It wasn't easy, and I was gratified by the expressions of support and congratulations from family and friends alike. I'm now 52, a grandmother, and have just returned to college for my bachelor's degree while working full time. I'm likely to be in my mid-50s before I finish.

"Alice"'s mean-spirited condemnation misses the point entirely. Whether the degree helps in the current job or whether one "needs" a new career is irrelevant. What's important is the personal fulfillment that education brings, and the enrichment of one's life and the lives of others, that is inherent in being better educated.

Abby, your response to Alice was right on the mark. She should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Her relative's accomplishment is indeed praiseworthy. -- GRANNY IN COLLEGE AND PROUD OF IT

DEAR GRANNY: Yours was one in a barrage of mail I've received from readers offering heated comments about "Alice"'s letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Alice," who thinks her relative should have pursued housekeeping rather than broadening her horizons and improving her mind by obtaining a college degree in her 40s.

Wake up, Alice! This is the 1990s, not the 1890s. The definition of a good wife no longer includes maid service. You should be congratulating your relative rather than trying to pull her down. I detect more than a touch of mean-spirited jealousy in your letter. Shame on you! -- JANET IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR JANET: Although many readers reacted angrily to Alice's comments, more wrote offering support and encouragement to the recent graduate because, they, too, had entered college late in life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I still have one of your columns from years ago, in which you answered a 36-year-old college dropout who was considering entering medical school. The writer said it would take seven years to finish -- at which time he/she would be 43 years old. You answered by asking, "And how old will you be in seven years if you DON'T do it?"

Well, Abby, I entered college as a freshman at age 38. At 41, I graduated magna cum laude with my bachelor's degree, and at 42 I finished my master's of education with honors. My college experience encouraged my out-of-work husband to enroll in college, too. Now we have both graduated and work in careers we love. We've just purchased our first nice home and are paying our bills on time for the first time in our 28-year marriage. Our parents and grown children are proud of us. When I saw them cheering at my graduation, I cried. Nothing could have been nicer.

You were right when you said the relative of the graduate should be ashamed to have diminished her happiness. I wish her well. Education makes all the difference. Thanks for suggesting it. -- HAPPY AGGIE GRANDMA, ENNIS, TEXAS

DEAR HAPPY: You're welcome. Your experience attests to the importance of completing one's education. My congratulations to both of you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, I met a lovely young lady and we began to date. Soon the relationship was exclusive because we fell in love. Our relationship is perfect except for one thing. We are of different religions. I am Jewish and she is Christian.

Religion is important to both of us, and neither of us wants to convert. We realize that marriage would present problems; however, we don't know if the problems would be so serious that our marriage would fail.

Abby, would our marriage have a chance, or should we go our separate ways before we invest any more time in what could be a disaster? -- TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY

DEAR TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY: Interfaith marriage can be difficult, but the problems are not insurmountable if both partners are willing to communicate honestly and compromise.

Before you make the commitment, there are some issues that you should discuss to determine how important they are to both of you and how you should handle them.

Could she accept it if you want your children raised in the Jewish faith? Could you accept it if it were important to her that the children embrace Christianity? How would you handle the holidays? If you have dietary restrictions, could she accept that? Would your wedding be Jewish or Christian?

It would be a good idea for you and the young woman to meet with both a rabbi and a minister to discuss the differences so that you don't misunderstand each other's religion and expectations. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of sending wedding invitations to every possible acquaintance? I know a gift is supposed to be voluntary, but during the last year I have received invitations from the daughters of casual friends or co-workers. I've met these daughters only once or twice in my entire life. They probably wouldn't know me if they ran into me on the street.

These invitations arrived with cards included that state where the bride is registered, or, in the case of the most recent, stating that contributions could be made to a honeymoon cruise with the check made payable to the cruise line! That one was for a wedding that's three states away. The mother of the bride is fully aware that there's no way I could attend the wedding. It's obvious that a gift or contribution is expected when a card like that is included.

Because I either correspond with the mother of these brides or work with the father, it's very awkward for me not to buy a gift for these events. Yet I would never dream of sending them an invitation to my son's wedding next year, because my son wouldn't know them any better than their daughters know me. Please tell me how to deal with these kinds of invitations. It's emotionally unsettling when one barely has enough funds to buy gifts for actual relatives. -- DESPERATE FOR RELIEF

DEAR DESPERATE: It is inappropriate to include information about where the bride is registered with the invitation to the wedding. The proper way to transmit the information is verbally, in response to an inquiry from someone who has accepted the invitation.

Respond to invitations such as these by sending a card or letter congratulating the happy couple and expressing regret that you will be unable to attend. If you are not attending the wedding, no gift should be expected from you.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem. I'm in my 60s and have lived in this neighborhood for 30 years.

A boy on my block has been causing a lot of trouble. I spoke to his mother, but she doesn't want to hear it. He's the type of kid who starts something and then tells his mother the other person started it. I have seen him throw rocks and break a window, and I also saw him climb into a neighbor's yard and steal a toy. The problem is, I'm the only person who's willing to speak up. The other neighbors are reluctant to deal with the mother because of the way she is.

The boy used to say things to me, but now he comes and stands in front of my house. It is very upsetting that when I'm outside planting my flowers, he's always starting something with me. I don't think I should call the police, because he hasn't hurt me.

This has been going on for four years, Abby. What should I do? I'm afraid if I keep complaining it will sound like I'm picking on the boy. His mother never watches him and he's a big problem. I know in a couple of more years, he'll be someone on the news. Help! -- WORRIED NEIGHBOR

DEAR WORRIED: Begin by documenting the incidents, and then attempt to open a dialogue with the boy's mother. Perhaps when she sees a list with dates and particulars, she will be more receptive.

If that doesn't get results, contact your local police and ask to speak with a juvenile investigator or counselor. As police departments become more community-oriented in their approach, they are more willing to intervene before a situation becomes a criminal problem. The officer will probably be willing to talk to both the mother and the boy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I and our sons (aged 13 and 8) spent a week camping with a sister, her husband and 3-year-old daughter. During that week, my kids and I bought her daughter several little gifts, and our youngest son frequently took her along with him to camp activities.

When the week was over, my sister and her husband took our sons with them to drop them off at our father's house, where the boys were to spend the next two weeks. We gave our sister all the food we had left, but on the way when it was time for lunch, she asked our boys if they had money for lunch. When they didn't, she made them go hungry until they got to our father's. How do I know this? When I talked to my sons on the phone after they arrived, they told me what my sister had done.

I got upset with my sister because she made my children feel they were a burden. My sister thinks I'm being petty. We have exchanged some very unfriendly e-mail letters about this. Am I wrong to be upset about the way she treated my sons? -- UPSET IN OHIO

DEAR UPSET: No, you are not wrong; your sister's behavior was inexcusable. If it was a matter of money, she should have asked you beforehand to give your sons enough money to cover their lunch. Or, she should have prepared something for them to eat from the leftover groceries.

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