DEAR ABBY: I have a big problem. I'm in my 60s and have lived in this neighborhood for 30 years.

A boy on my block has been causing a lot of trouble. I spoke to his mother, but she doesn't want to hear it. He's the type of kid who starts something and then tells his mother the other person started it. I have seen him throw rocks and break a window, and I also saw him climb into a neighbor's yard and steal a toy. The problem is, I'm the only person who's willing to speak up. The other neighbors are reluctant to deal with the mother because of the way she is.

The boy used to say things to me, but now he comes and stands in front of my house. It is very upsetting that when I'm outside planting my flowers, he's always starting something with me. I don't think I should call the police, because he hasn't hurt me.

This has been going on for four years, Abby. What should I do? I'm afraid if I keep complaining it will sound like I'm picking on the boy. His mother never watches him and he's a big problem. I know in a couple of more years, he'll be someone on the news. Help! -- WORRIED NEIGHBOR

DEAR WORRIED: Begin by documenting the incidents, and then attempt to open a dialogue with the boy's mother. Perhaps when she sees a list with dates and particulars, she will be more receptive.

If that doesn't get results, contact your local police and ask to speak with a juvenile investigator or counselor. As police departments become more community-oriented in their approach, they are more willing to intervene before a situation becomes a criminal problem. The officer will probably be willing to talk to both the mother and the boy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I and our sons (aged 13 and 8) spent a week camping with a sister, her husband and 3-year-old daughter. During that week, my kids and I bought her daughter several little gifts, and our youngest son frequently took her along with him to camp activities.

When the week was over, my sister and her husband took our sons with them to drop them off at our father's house, where the boys were to spend the next two weeks. We gave our sister all the food we had left, but on the way when it was time for lunch, she asked our boys if they had money for lunch. When they didn't, she made them go hungry until they got to our father's. How do I know this? When I talked to my sons on the phone after they arrived, they told me what my sister had done.

I got upset with my sister because she made my children feel they were a burden. My sister thinks I'm being petty. We have exchanged some very unfriendly e-mail letters about this. Am I wrong to be upset about the way she treated my sons? -- UPSET IN OHIO

DEAR UPSET: No, you are not wrong; your sister's behavior was inexcusable. If it was a matter of money, she should have asked you beforehand to give your sons enough money to cover their lunch. Or, she should have prepared something for them to eat from the leftover groceries.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I don't know where the Rev. Virginia Anderson has been the last 10 years or so. She claims the problem of rest rooms where spouses of people with handicaps are allowed in to help them has never been addressed. I assure you it has. I travel all over the United States and Canada, and many cities have men's rest rooms, women's rest rooms and family rest rooms in their shopping complexes. The malls in my home state of Minnesota have them.

Another thing, Abby: In your answer you said, "By the age of 6 or 7, your grandson should be able to use a public rest room without assistance." That may be so, but young children are defenseless against being molested. Predators are looking for children that age who are alone. By the time the opposite sex parent finds out, it's too late. Please think again. I wouldn't even allow a 6- or 7-year-old child to go into a rest room alone in a small town. -- INTERESTED BYSTANDER

DEAR INTERESTED BYSTANDER: I will respond to your letter in two parts. First, I apologize for saying that by the age of 6 or 7 a child should be able to use a public rest room without being accompanied by an adult. I didn't consider the possibility that the child could be in danger of being molested.

As to the first part of your letter about rest rooms that are accessible to handicapped people, please read on for a sample of the mail I've received on that subject:

DEAR ABBY: I am disabled, and my husband is my primary care provider. When we go out for an entire day, or travel by air, there generally comes a point when I have to use the rest room. I can't do it without him, so 99 percent of the time we're faced with the question, "Men's or women's?" (Baltimore/Washington International Airport is a glowing exception.) We usually choose the men's room on the theory that a woman in the men's room is less threatening than vice versa.

It's an uncomfortable experience for us, as well as the people we meet in the rest room, but I'll be darned if I'll give up having a life because people choose to remain clueless about the needs of the disabled. I'm sure there are other people, however, who remain at home rather than face this situation. Wheelchair-accessible, unisex rest rooms in public places would enable these people to go out and enjoy the world again. -- CAROLYN CLARK, STATEN ISLAND, N.Y.

DEAR CAROLYN: Although handicapped-accessible rest rooms have been mandated in many places, they are often located in gender-specific rest rooms, which makes them difficult to use if there is a caregiver of the opposite sex involved. I think the idea of unisex family rest rooms is an excellent one. Read on for a letter I'm sure you'll find of interest:

DEAR ABBY: I have been working diligently on getting legislation passed to force all public facilities in the state of Florida to have accessible gender-neutral rest room facilities.

State Rep. Suzanne Jacobs of Delray Beach, Fla., agrees with me, and is planning to introduce a bill in the Florida House next session to mandate such facilities.

U.S. Congressman Mark Foley has also agreed to support the bill, and I have received positive responses from other state and federal officials.

Any support you and your readers can give toward this worthy cause would be greatly appreciated. -- FRED KROLL, BOYNTON BEACH, FLA.

DEAR FRED: I'm certain your letter will be of interest not only to individuals who have the need for gender-neutral rest room facilities, but also to the many advocacy groups that have formed around the country for people with disabilities. Good luck! Please let me know when the legislation is passed.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: Last Sunday was my wife's birthday, her first since our marriage in April. I didn't forget it, but the situation is as bad as if I had.

About a month earlier, "Beverly" told me that she would like to spend her first birthday as my wife alone with me. She didn't want anything spectacular -- just the day with me and maybe a nice dinner.

Abby, it completely slipped my mind! I took the initiative and, being a thoughtful husband (I thought), made arrangements to take Beverly to her parents' house for the day. Well, her mood seemed to dim as the day wore on. When she finally told me what was bothering her, I felt terrible. She said I paid no attention to her request.

I would love to take back that one day and start it all over the right way, but I can't. What can I do to make it better now? -- GUILTY IN WILMINGTON, DEL.

DEAR GUILTY: Spend the day alone with her and then treat her to a nice dinner. Apologize for the fact that her birthday celebration is late, and promise that from now on, you'll listen more carefully when she tells you what she wants. Then, for heaven's sake, DO it!

DEAR ABBY: I know that certain items are supposed to be given on specific wedding anniversaries, but I'm not sure what they are. My mother says she used to have a list, but she thought it had changed and she threw it away. Can you help? -- S. MALONEY, WEST ORANGE, N.J.

DEAR S. MALONEY: Your mother is correct. I checked "The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette," entirely rewritten and updated, and found that the list has been revised over the years. This is a current one:

For the first anniversary, clocks; second, china; third, crystal, glass; fourth, electrical appliances; fifth, silverware; sixth, wood; seventh, desk sets, pen and pencil sets; eighth, linen, lace; ninth, leather; 10th, diamond jewelry; 15th, watches; 20th, platinum; 25th, sterling silver; 30th, diamond; 35th, jade; 40th, ruby; 45th, sapphire; 50th, gold; 55th, emerald; 60th, diamond.

DEAR ABBY: Many of the letters in your column have interested me, but the one from "Mom in Denver" really caught my attention.

The best advice I can offer her is to show respect for her children, and they will respect her in return. Children are just little people with feelings. No one wants to be told "Shut up" or "Because I said so."

Respect your children enough to explain what they are doing wrong. Never criticize them in front of others, especially their friends. By respecting them, you are also showing that you love them.

It all comes down to the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. -- GOOD MOM IN MILWAUKEE

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)