DEAR ABBY: I work in a small office. My colleagues and I occasionally go out together for an informal lunch. We always evenly divide the bill. Invariably, one of my colleagues waits until everyone has contributed his cash portion before collecting the cash and paying the entire bill with his personal credit card.

On the last two occasions, I stated my displeasure with this practice. Most recently, he grew very angry when I criticized him. My contention is that he lacks the courtesy of asking if anyone objects if he uses his personal credit card. Essentially, others could save a trip to the ATM and accrue frequent-flier miles by using their credit card.

My colleague claims that he carries very little cash and sees nothing wrong in his actions. Everyone's goal is to preserve office harmony. If I am in error by objecting to my colleague's practice, I owe him an apology. Perhaps you can advise. -- CURIOUS ABOUT CIVILITY, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR CURIOUS: I see nothing wrong in your co-worker putting the lunch tab on his credit card and pocketing the cash. If, however, you are jealous of the airline credits he is accruing, arrange to alternate with him, putting the lunch bill on your card in the future.

DEAR ABBY: Your Father's Day tribute, "Father Talked to Me," struck a deep chord. The need to speak out welled up within me and I found myself rewriting as I read. This poem was not a struggle to compose; the words flowed like water. They have been locked in my heart since childhood. I hope you will print it so others like me will know they are not alone. -- NATIVE OF NEW ORLEANS

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

My father never seemed to care,

And when I shined was never there.

He criticized from A to Z, but never complimented me.

Accusing, belittling, constantly.

We were never friends; we were always at war.

He showed me no love, nor what fathers are for.

My childhood, akin to something like hell,

The cursing and taunting I remember quite well.

I was beaten with whatever he had in his hand --

A broomstick, a board, or an old frying pan.

Under his workbench I'd hide and I'd cry

While praying to God to please let him die.

Each day I lived in fear, really perplexed,

I never knew what would set him off next.

I could tell no one -- I had no recourse,

For he threatened I'd be the cause for divorce.

My lifetime's achievements were accomplished alone

Because for some kids, there's no place like home.

P.S. An ironic footnote: When his time came, my father died in my arms.

DEAR NATIVE: Your poem touched me deeply. I'm sure it will be meaningful for others who cannot give voice to the pain of their daily lives. Perhaps simply knowing that they are not alone will provide some comfort. Bless you, and them.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: About four years ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. The relationship didn't end on a happy note. Since then, she has gotten married and had a child. However, she continues to write to me two or three times a year.

She always asks me how I am and if I'm seeing anyone. I think this is a bit odd. I had always thought that when people got married, they moved on and relegated their old relationships to the back of their memories.

I always answer her letters very nicely, and I never ask why she continues to write.

Abby, now I'm wondering if you think she's trying to keep me on the back burner. Or do you think she just wants to be friends? -- MIKE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR MIKE: Writing to a former boyfriend three times a year seems a bit too often to me, and yes, I do think she's trying to keep you on the back burner. If her motives were strictly platonic, you wouldn't hear from her more than once a year.

Since the correspondence is making you uncomfortable, I suggest that you respond with little or no enthusiasm.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22 years old and the mother of a 3-year-old and a 10-month-old. I have a part-time job.

My husband, "Mike," was unemployed for six months, but he has finally gone back to work.

Abby, lately I have been feeling lazy. I want my house to be spic-and-span, but even though I know the work must be done, I'm not motivated. I'm tired of doing everything around the house. When Mike was unemployed, he did the cooking, but he doesn't do it anymore.

I get up at 5 a.m., make Mike's breakfast, pack him a lunch, wake the kids, change their diapers, dress and feed them, prepare their bottles, brush their teeth and get them ready for day care. Then I shower and dress. After that, I drive the kids to day care and Mike to work. He has no driver's license, so I am the family taxi driver. I'm so tired of driving and everything else. Could this be what is making me feel so lazy? I was never like this before.

I worry about the bills that haven't been paid and credit card balances I can't pay. Mike seems to love to spend money on things he wants but does not need. He doesn't put us first. He never asks if the kids need anything. He's concerned only with himself.

Talking to Mike doesn't help. He just says, "Don't worry about it." I worry enough for both of us, and sometimes I find myself daydreaming about our having lots of money so that we would have no problems.

Abby, what can I do about my laziness and feeling so down? -- YOUNG AND LAZY MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: A young mother with two small children and a part-time job has plenty to make her tired, but you show signs of more than fatigue. You appear to be experiencing symptoms of depression. Please consult your doctor as soon as possible, and describe your symptoms. Some professional counseling may be in order. Medication, if you have a chemical imbalance, and a few counseling sessions should help you resolve this and get you back on track.

Since cost is a factor, ask your doctor to refer you to low-cost counseling, or contact family services centers that charge according to your ability to pay.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Is there a checklist of things to look for in a roommate? I need one.

After years of living alone, I was forced by economics and safety concerns to share a house with a friend of two years' standing. A kindergarten teacher who sings in the church choir and is devoted to her friends, "Donna" appeared to be the perfect roommate. That is, until I moved in.

Donna is a slob! She never washes a dish, empties a wastebasket or takes out the garbage. She leaves her shoes in the living room, uses the dining room table as her desk -- littered with paper, bills, hairbrush -- and has converted the den into her personal parlor. It's littered with dirty dishes and open food containers. We have one bath with a shower. Dirty clothes and wet towels cover the floor or are left in the shower.

In previous visits to her home, I'd always found it to be very neat. It turns out that her former roommate -- possibly as disgusted as I've become -- took it upon herself to clean up after Donna. I have neither the time nor the patience.

I'm looking for a new place to live. How can I protect myself from another roommate nightmare? -- DONNA'S SOON-TO-BE-EX-ROOMMATE, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR SOON-TO-BE-EX-ROOMMATE: Make it clear during the interview process that you're a "neat-nik" who is looking for a like-minded roommate. If you're placing an ad, mention it prominently in the ad. If you're using a search service, list neatness among your highest priorities.

If all else fails, try to locate Donna's ex-roommate. The two of you would be ideal for each other.

DEAR ABBY: I have an 8-year-old son who has shown me the power of television.

Recently on a "Simpsons" cartoon, there was a segment about eating meat. In this segment, Lisa had a dream about a lamb who said to her, "Don't eat me, Lisa." Since that day, my son has not touched meat. I have tried everything I can think of. He tried to eat a lunchmeat sandwich one day, but he gagged on it. He said he keeps thinking about that show.

My son is a picky eater anyway and it's hard to please him. He eats lots of veggies, but it's hard to get him to eat enough fruit and proteins to be well nourished. (He loved meat before that show.)

Abby, what can I do to ensure that my son eats properly under these circumstances? -- LINDA IN HOWELL, MICH.

DEAR LINDA: Where there's a will, there's a way. Talk to your pediatrician about a vegetarian diet that will supply all of your son's nutritional needs, and then visit your bookstore. There are many vegetarian cookbooks on the market, many written with children's tastes in mind.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend expects me to wear a condom because she's scared of getting pregnant. Obviously, she's putting her own welfare before my sexual satisfaction. What kind of girlfriend does that? -- AUSSIE BOB

DEAR AUSSIE BOB: A SMART one!

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)