DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Gil," has an ex-wife I'll call Shirley, and an 11-year-old daughter. Shirley divorced Gil three years ago for another man.

She always goes out to Gil's car and makes small talk when he takes his daughter home from weekend visitations. Last Halloween, instead of waiting in the car, she came into my living room. This summer, Shirley dropped by Gil's family reunion briefly and brought him a gift to celebrate his recent baptism. She also calls my home regularly and asks for Gil.

In my opinion, when you divorce someone, that pretty much says you don't want to see the person again. I believe Shirley should also be divorced from the family. I want to start a new life with Gil, but somehow I keep running into this woman.

Abby, wouldn't it be good manners for Shirley to stay out of sight? -- KATHY IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR KATHY: Considering the circumstances of the divorce, I'm surprised that Shirley felt comfortable dropping by the family reunion. However, Gil will always have a tie to Shirley because of their daughter, so it's to everyone's advantage to maintain a friendly relationship. If you want a happy future with him, try harder to control your resentment and accept the fact that he has "baggage." Sometimes you have to take the bitter with the sweet.

DEAR ABBY: Is it a requirement of friendship to agree to assume certain responsibilities if something happens to your friend?

I live in a senior housing project. I do not have a pet and do not want the obligation of taking care of one. My friend has asked me twice if I would take care of her two cats if something should happen to her. My answer both times was that I would find good homes for them. My friend snapped back, "That's not good enough." I'm worried I'll lose her friendship over this, but Abby, I don't want her cats. By the way, she's in perfect health. I'm not -- I have allergies. -- CAT'S PAJAMAS

DEAR CAT'S PAJAMAS: Your offer to find your friend's cats a good home IS good enough. It is unreasonable for this woman to expect you to assume their care when you have expressed no interest in doing so. If you want to go the extra mile, try to find someone now who would be willing to take the cats should the need arise, and tell your friend you have a home lined up. Or offer to help her do the same.

DEAR ABBY: I've been reading your column for many years. I'm a 73-year-old grandma of 10. I even have one great-grandchild.

At the end of your column today, it said, "Everybody has a problem ..." You know what? I don't! If I had to "get it off my chest," I'd be hard pressed to find a thing to complain about.

You get so many letters with so many problems, I thought you'd like to hear from someone who has none. I have no problem now and never had one that couldn't be solved with a little patience and sometimes a lot of hard work.

There are probably many more out there like me. You just don't hear from them, so I'm writing to make your day. Did I? -- BETTY SKOOG, McHENRY, ILL.

DEAR BETTY: Yes, you certainly did, and thank you for taking the time to write. If all my readers were like you, I'd be out of business!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a relationship for eight months. It started when I was 22. My now ex-girlfriend (I'll call her Sue) was 18.

Abby, we fell in love quickly. I gave her my all. Her family loved me and mine loved her. She said I treated her better than she had ever been treated. (I was raised that way.) I respected her, loved her and never mistreated her. In the fifth month of our relationship, I proposed. She accepted.

Sue recently went on vacation with some girlfriends. The vacation had been planned before we met. I didn't object. I told her to go, and that I trusted her.

Well, she was gone for a week during which I never received even one phone call. When Sue returned, I was at the airport with open arms. Within 24 hours of her return, she announced that she wanted to call it quits. She said she wanted her freedom, that she was too young to have her life planned. She swore she hadn't cheated on me during her vacation. She told me she knows she'll never find anyone who will treat her as well as I have. I was heartbroken.

It's been a month, and Sue has gone "wild" since the vacation. A family member confided that Sue had confessed to cheating on me during the vacation.

Abby, women used to complain that guys have no morals, treated them wrong and cheated on them. Today, the roles are often reversed. Women claim they want a guy who will treat them right, open the car door, bring flowers, etc. Abby, that's me! I don't understand how Sue could have claimed to love me and then been unfaithful.

I have dated for the past eight years, and I've never been this much in love. I know the obvious response to this is that I'm young and have plenty of time; however, I must ask: Where are all the "nice girls"? -- ONE OF THE LAST NICE GUYS

DEAR NICE GUY: One day you will realize how fortunate you are that this happened BEFORE you married Sue. She may have been swept off her feet by your marriage proposal, but she's far too immature for marriage.

Count your blessings and keep looking. There are nice girls everywhere, waiting to be recognized by someone who has as much to offer as you.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Terri," and I are both 19. We have been dating for 18 months.

Abby, I never get to see my friends anymore. Everytime I tell Terri I want to be with my friends, she throws a fit and we get into an argument. She thinks I should spend all my time with her. It's like she's jealous when I choose to be with my friends for a day.

Abby, I miss my friends. I'm not bored with Terri; I just need time with my friends. -- FEELS CONFINED IN PACIFICA, CALIF.

DEAR FEELS CONFINED: Terri may be more insecure than jealous. She needs to work on this, because one of the surest ways to sabotage a relationship is to make the other person feel confined.

Of course you need time with your friends, and Terri needs time with hers. You are not joined at the hip. Part of developing as individuals is maintaining separate interests. If you have put up with this for a year and a half, you must like Terri very much. However, I hope you'll consider what I have said, and insist on a degree of independence for both of you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My father is 35 years old. He has had two disks removed from his back. His doctor put him on a diet to lose 50 pounds, but Dad isn't very good at staying on a diet. He knows he should follow the doctor's orders and lose weight, but I see him already slipping back into his old eating habits.

Daddy is a professional bowler with many trophies to prove his skill. I've tried to talk to him, to make him understand that his spine can't handle all his weight plus the weight of the bowling ball. I'm afraid he's going to injure his back even more than he already has. I worry that he'll end up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

I'm 13 and I love my father very much. I don't want this to happen to him. What can I say or do? How can I help him understand that I want him to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and to dance with me at my reception? How can I make him realize what he's doing to himself and to me? -- TROUBLED DAUGHTER

DEAR TROUBLED: I understand how much you want to help your father, but it is not your responsibility. It is HIS responsibility to help himself and to help you with your fears, not the other way around. I'm printing your letter so you can show it to him. Seeing your moving words in black-and-white should be all the motivation he needs. Bless you, dear.

P.S. Although the likelihood that your father will need a wheelchair in the future is not great, you should know that many fathers who are in wheelchairs have not only escorted their daughters down the aisle, but also danced with them at their reception.

DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for "Heartbroken in Vermont," the woman who fell in love with a man who had just gone through a tough divorce.

I am also involved with a man who went through a very painful divorce. Unfortunately, he's still going through difficult times. His ex gives him a hard time when he wants to see his son, and causes many other problems.

When we met, we were instantly attracted to each other. We started dating and things were great, but then he backed away. I took it personally until I realized all the problems he was having with his ex. I let him back off, but kept our conversations alive.

To make a long story short, we are still seeing each other, and he's one of the best fathers and companions I've ever known. If I don't hear from him for a week, I know he is trying to cope with his problems and I just let him be. We catch up with each other later.

So, "Heartbroken," keep the lines of communication open. Call just to say "Hi" and see how he is, and be unthreatening. Maybe, just maybe, he will feel more comfortable and come around. I can tell you that if he feels penned in, he will run and all will be lost. Men in this situation need a little more space. Try to be understanding and patient. Things will happen if they are meant to. -- HAPPILY PATIENT

DEAR HAPPILY PATIENT: I advised "Heartbroken" to keep looking. The man she loves had been deeply hurt in his divorce and made it clear that he wanted his space. A byproduct of her moving on may well be that her ex-boyfriend will take a second look at the potential of their relationship and realize that if he continues to shut her out, he'll lose her.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)