DEAR ABBY: What do I send to someone who knows that he has only six weeks to live? My sister's father-in-law has liver cancer, and after a hard six-month battle, he is going to lose.

The family has established an open-door policy to come and say goodbye to him, but he is so beloved by so many people that they have started to turn people away. I want to say goodbye to him, but there are people closer to him who want to see him one last time.

I don't want to be tacky. I only want him to know how much he means to me, and that I'm not avoiding him in his final hours. Any advice would be appreciated. -- CHRISTINE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CHRISTINE: Send him a "thinking of you" card with a short note recalling a pleasant memory that you shared together. Tell him you love and admire him and are praying for him. Although he may be too ill to read, someone will read it to him.

DEAR ABBY: I am on the board of a religious institution. An unusual problem has come to my attention.

One of our most active members is extremely overweight. When he sits on our folding chairs and chapel chairs, he invariably bends them down, making them uncomfortable and almost unusable.

Abby, we can't afford to replace a chair each time he comes to church, but neither can we afford to offend a deeply religious brother. What can we do to resolve this problem? -- CHURCH ELDER

DEAR CHURCH ELDER: He's probably just as uncomfortable sitting in those chairs as you are watching him. Go to a Goodwill, Salvation Army or other thrift store and get him an armchair. (He'll most likely thank you for it.) Or consider labeling one chair as his only and make sure he always sits in the same one.

DEAR ABBY: I couldn't resist responding to the letter from "Snapping Away," who wanted people to give her film because she always takes pictures and gives everyone copies. We have a snap-happy person in our family, too. She always has a camera handy. Other family members have cameras and would like to take pictures once in a while, but after Snap Happy has tested everyone's patience with, "One, two, three, look at me, I'm taking your picture," the other cameras are usually left in their cases.

This constant picture-taking has brought groans of mild protest from the family, but since she loves to take pictures, keep photo albums and share prints, we humor her.

Our Snap Happy is 80 years old, legally blind, can't see what she is taking a picture of or see the prints, but we are still lining up while she happily snaps away.

Picture-happy people don't realize there is no polite way to refuse the pictures they are giving away. If someone requests that pictures be taken and prints given to them, then reimbursement is in order, but those who don't necessarily want the pictures don't owe her. These photographers should pass prints around and let those who want them write their names on the back so she (or he) will know who wants what. Then those who want pictures can pay their share of the expenses. -- STILL SMILING FOR OUR SNAP HAPPY IN ARKANSAS

DEAR STILL SMILING: That seems fair to me. Thank you for commenting on that letter from a different perspective.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I desperately need some advice. I am a physician, married to a beautiful woman for 20 years, and we have three teen-age children. My wife and I are in our 40s.

In 1995, my wife confessed she had a seven-year affair with my best friend. He would come to our house after I went to work and they would have sex in our bed. Although my wife never showed me any affection during that period, I blamed it on the strain of raising three children, never suspecting her infidelity.

She let word of the illicit affair slip when I teased her about her old boyfriends. I was devastated, but I didn't let on. She apologized, and our marriage continued for the sake of the children. In the last two years, my wife has been especially loving and affectionate toward me.

Earlier this year, my married sister-in-law (I'll call her Marie) stayed with us for four months. She confided to me that she had an unsatisfactory sex life with her husband. One thing led to another, and we slept together several times. Marie has since returned home.

Now I feel guilty and would like to confess this indiscretion to my wife to clear my conscience, but I am not sure how she'll react.

Though it will even things out, I do not want to hurt my wife or expose Marie's behavior. Should I tell my wife about the affair with her sister? -- ONLY HUMAN IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ONLY HUMAN: I question your motives for confession. Remember the pain that your wife's confession caused you? While confessing may be good for the soul, it will undoubtedly hurt others. I suggest you confess to your clergy instead.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, you printed a piece about a place called "The Rainbow Bridge" -- where our pets go when they die.

Often, over the last few years, I wish I had saved the article to give to friends whose pets have passed away. I try to tell them about it, but I know I can't do justice to the beautifully written tribute.

I'm sure if you reprinted it, many would find comfort from it. -- WAITING HOPEFULLY, MIDDLESEX, MASS.

DEAR WAITING HOPEFULLY: It has been several years since I printed "The Rainbow Bridge," and I'm pleased to share it once again:

THE RAINBOW BRIDGE

There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge, there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play all day with each other.

There is only one thing missing: They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth. So, each day they run and play until the day comes when one suddenly looks up! The nose twitches. The ears are up. The eyes are staring. And this one suddenly runs from the group.

You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again and again and again, and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The number of people who take the time to write a letter, address it, stamp it and mail it only to complain about ridiculous, everyday things blows my mind. The lady who wrote complaining that restaurants don't slice lemons the way she likes them for her iced tea flabbergasted me. Maybe she should take a reality check.

When someone or something starts getting on my nerves, I find that taking a moment to think about its importance in the grand scheme of things really helps. This may seem morbid, but I do so by imagining that I am on my deathbed. Think about it: Do I want to lie there and say, "I've had a wonderful life full of challenges, beauty and love," or do I want to say, "I should have worried more about that snotty salesperson, or the paperclip requisition form"?

We can't all be easygoing all the time -- and we shouldn't be -- but the key is keeping things in their proper perspective.

Abby, the advice you gave the lemon-wedge lady was right on. If she doesn't like what's offered, she should bring her own darn lemons. That's a pretty good concept to keep in mind when it comes to just about anything. -- MONIQUE BYRNE, FREMONT, CALIF.

DEAR MONIQUE: Thank you for your support. I received a fistful of criticism for having printed that letter. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "Incognito," who wrote to complain about her lemons being sliced instead of being cut into wedges in restaurants. Abby, I am only 16 years old, but I have enough sense to keep my mouth shut about small things. If I ever complain about my lemons being sliced wrong, I would hope to God that someone would slap my face.

There are people starving all over the world who would love to have a sliced lemon. I think your response to "Incognito" was way out of line. You told her it would be a "no-brainer" for chefs to provide lemon wedges. HELLO? Lemon wedges?

Abby, with all the problems we have in the world today, lemon wedges should be the least of our worries. Don't you think that a more appropriate response to "Incognito" would have been, "Get over it!"? I do. -- SKYLAR HOLBROOK, MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR SKYLAR: Not all problems are of equal importance to all people. I thought "Incognito's" letter provided an interesting change of pace and I'm sorry you did not agree that it was worthy of my column. Telling people to "get over it" is not very helpful; furthermore, it's not my style. I'm here to help my readers.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since you printed the letter from the lady who said that reading sexy books had improved her sex life, romance and sexy books have been flying off the shelves, according to the Friends of the Library bookstore here in Hot Springs, Ark.

There used to be a glut of these books in the store, but now the managers are begging for more books to be donated to fill the shelves again. What a novel way to promote literacy. -- FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY VOLUNTEER

DEAR FRIENDS VOLUNTEER: If it's getting the job done, then I'm all for it. I have always encouraged people to read, read, read. Read for information and read for pleasure. Our libraries are filled with knowledge and joy, and it's all there, free for the taking.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)