DEAR ABBY: I've been dating this girl for a couple of months. When I first saw her, I liked her. When I got to know her, I fell for her. I wanted to spend every minute with her. We have so many things in common -- similar backgrounds, a love of books, authors and the theater. I like everything about her.

The only concern I have about this relationship is that I can't afford to pay for everything whenever we go out. Even though she only works less than part time and I work full time, I'll be broke soon with the way we're going. I don't want to ruin a potentially terrific relationship over money. What can I do? -- BROKE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BROKE: Level with your girlfriend about the high cost of living in the city. If she is a "woman of the '90s," she will understand that dating expenses should be shared. You are fortunate to live in San Francisco. It's a wonderful city that offers many low-cost things to do. Be creative in your search for economical entertainment, and I'm sure the two of you can find plenty of affordable activities.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is to the mother who was hurt because she received a card from her son that he had created on a computer. I send computer cards only to people I sincerely care about.

I sometimes spend several hours choosing just the right graphic, the right words (usually I compose my own), and a perfect type style. I am 57 years old, and not only does this give me experience on the computer, it allows me to spend time thinking about the person for whom I am making the card -- remembering the things I admire about that person and our fun times together.

Abby, anyone can go to a store and purchase a card for a couple of dollars in about five minutes with no problem. My advice to the son of "Hurt Momma" is to buy 10 cards at one time, sign and address them, then mail them at the appropriate times. This takes no thought, and in my opinion, Momma doesn't deserve any! -- CAROL DUNN, FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR CAROL: I am delighted with the many original and creative computer cards that have arrived as a result of "Momma's" letter. One even had MY picture on the front! Read on for another reason that computer cards can be a lifesaver:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old who can't drive and whose parents work long hours and many weekends. No one is available to take me to a card store, but my computer is always here.

When friends or family members are having a birthday, I enjoy making a card for them. They love receiving them, too. I include little inside jokes or write a poem.

Just because it isn't a commercial card doesn't mean the card is not special. "Hurt Momma" should be grateful instead of hurt. The card came from her son's computer, but it also came from his heart. -- COMPUTER CARD LOVER, CAROL STREAM, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: In response to the column on pet peeve words, I submit my own creation, the following poem:

THOSE FOUR-LETTER WORDS

Some four-letter words offend me,

Whether by ear or in a book;

The ones that evoke the worst feelings in me

Are: iron, dust and cook!

-- PATRICIA YONKOSKE, BARNESBORO, PA.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is for all the parents who have stayed together "for the good of the children." I grew up in a household filled with tension and bitterness. It was apparent to me that my parents had a bad relationship. Their misery showed, and I, as their child, suffered from it. Hearing anger and resentment on a daily basis was an awful way to grow up.

I believe the most important thing a parent can show a child is how to love. Children who do not observe this while growing up are deprived of something that is irreplaceable. Parents who are unhappy with their spouse often lack warmth. This lack of warmth is felt by their children, and affects them in a negative way.

I would have much preferred that my parents had separated. They did me no favor by showing me that married life could be miserable. They were distant and cold, and that hurt me worse than a divorce ever could have.

I hope parents who are truly unhappy in their marriages will spare their children the agony of living in such an environment. Parents who do decide to stay together owe it to their children to take measures such as family counseling to improve their relationships and ensure that they do not convey bitterness to their children. -- GREW UP SAD

DEAR SAD: You have written an eloquent plea for civility, and one which I hope that couples with troubled marriages will take to heart. A failing marriage does not have to be a "take no prisoners" battleground.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You have devoted some columns to the effects of divorce on children. Often the letters you print show how parents mess up their children when their own marriages break down. I want you to know there are at least two sane people in the world who didn't do that.

My parents divorced in 1979, when I was a little girl, but they always put me first and never made me doubt that they both love me. Although Dad hasn't been physically with me for day-to-day life, he has always "been there" for me. On my 17th birthday, he drove from Maine to Georgia to surprise me. The next year he came for my graduation and stayed at my maternal grandmother's home.

My parents both told me that many of their friends had used their children as "weapons" in their divorces, and they vowed never to do that. They have kept that vow, and everyone has benefited -- most of all me.

While divorce is not something people want to happen, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. You can have -- and be -- a family, even if it is in two different households. Parents still have a responsibility to their children. Children who have been emotionally scarred by divorce are owed an apology from their parents. There is no excuse for it. Parents who have experienced divorce and have let it affect their children should be ashamed.

I am living proof that people can be good parents even in bad situations. I have never been in jail, had an unplanned pregnancy or spent time in rehab. I am a well-educated, responsible and stable adult.

I sincerely hope that someday there will be more "products of divorce" who can say the same thing. If my letter helps make that possible, its purpose will have been served. -- STACI MARSH, GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR STACI: Thank you for an inspiring letter. Your parents' marriage may have failed, but their divorce was a success. I wish everyone in that situation would follow their excellent example.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have an 8-year-old son who was disagnosed with diabetes last year. A few months ago, I took him to a matinee at a theater.

I took some dietetic sugar-free wafers and dietetic sugar-free chocolate candies with us. When the young lady at the ticket counter saw that my son was holding some food, she very loudly read the sign that was posted on the wall: "No Outside Food Permitted." (As if I couldn't read.)

I was embarrassed and quite upset. I explained that my son has diabetes and she just repeated to me, "Sorry, ma'am, no outside food permitted." I thought she was very rude.

Abby, couldn't they bend the rules a little bit? My son CAN'T eat the candy they sell. I understand the rules about bringing in outside food -- it would mean they'd lose business. However, there must be exceptions for people with medical conditions. Aren't there? What do you think, Abby? -- ANNOYED IN OREGON

DEAR ANNOYED: If sugar-free items are not sold at the theater, an exception should have been made. However, the ticket-seller wasn't in a position to bend the rules for you. It was beyond her authority. Had you taken your problem to the manager, I'm sure you would have had a more favorable result.

DEAR ABBY: You advised "Feeling Guilty in the Desert" to allow her mother to live with her temporarily if the mother and father separate. Well, let me tell you why that is NOT good advice. How do I know? I'm speaking from personal experience.

I owned my own home and was still unmarried when I foolishly allowed my mother to live with me. She stuck like a leech and insulted every man I dated. I had to fight for every idea I wanted to implement in my own home. It was a miserable fight all the way.

Mom worked and was capable of having her own home, but she was terrified of living alone. Finally, in desperation, I sent all her belongings to my brother's home while she was visiting him. I caught hell from him and his family because they knew it wouldn't work for our mother to live with them. She begged to come back to my home, saying it would be temporary, only until she could find a place of her own.

I weakened and allowed her to return. She lived with me and made my life pure hell until the day she died.

Abby, please retract your advice to "Feeling Guilty." Encourage her to stick to her guns and not allow her mother to take advantage of her. -- LEARNED THE HARD WAY

P.S. I married AFTER Mother died, not before.

DEAR LEARNED: Your letter was one of many warning against allowing a manipulative parent to get a foot in the door. However, I stand by my advice because the daughter had lived in her mother's home until age 29. That means her mother provided for her long past the time when most adults should be self-sufficient. I think she owes her mother at least temporary shelter. And may I emphasize, I advised TEMPORARY shelter, not a permanent home.

After a reasonable period of time during which her parents could resolve their marital problems, it would then be appropriate for the daughter to give her mother her walking papers. It may be difficult, but it is possible to evict an individual, even if she is a parent.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)