DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter from "Mom in Denver," who asked for input from other mothers on how to be a good mother:

When I married at 17, I swore I would never have children for fear of abusing them as my mother had abused me. I love my mother, but I may never understand why there had to be so much hurt and pain while I was growing up.

Then I received the greatest gift of all from my mother-in-law: her unconditional love. Abby, she is my angel here on Earth. She has given me all the things I never received from my own mother: patience, understanding, confidence in myself. Without her, I would not be half the person or parent that I am. My mother-in-law is not only one of my best friends, but also the most wonderful "Grammie" to my daughter. I could not love her more if she had given birth to me.

I was 29 before I finally felt secure enough in myself to have a child. Then I realized that I am my own person with an abundance of love in my heart. I now have a beautiful 2-year-old daughter, and my only regret is that I waited so long to have her.

I know I am not perfect, but I believe that if you know love, you can show love. After all, isn't love the most important ingredient in raising a child? After that, the rest will fall into place. -- MOM IN DENVER, TOO

DEAR MOM IN DENVER, TOO: If anyone ever doubted the healing power of love, your relationship with your angel of a mother-in-law should dispel it. What a wonderful testimonial you have written to a remarkable woman. Your letter proves that, although children may be scarred by the bad examples set for them in childhood, the situation is never hopeless, and it's never too late to learn.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In defense of the mother who did a poor job of raising the 32-year-old woman in Denver: My own mother (now gone, bless her soul) was overwhelmed and undereducated, raising six of us on a skinny shoestring budget. Both my parents had problems with alcohol. So I grew up with little real parenting, except that I had the same parents all my life, a big family, and we had a home to call our own.

I married, had three children, and then faced raising them alone, for I was one of the early single moms. My three are remarkably loving human beings. Looking back, we had our share of challenges, most of which related to dysfunction, substance abuse and fear of intimacy. My three always tell me they know I did my best. They also tell me when they feel I'm "off the mark," but we all know we have each other and are family.

Kids are remarkably forgiving when they know you're trying to be the best parent you can be. Probably the most important thing is to always say "I'm sorry" and "I love you." It seems to me that those little words go a long way. -- DARBY, MONT., MOM

DEAR MONTANA MOM: I couldn't agree more. No one is infallible. May I add to your generous comments the importance of teaching young children, by one's own example, to respect authority figures such as teachers and police? Children learn volumes not only from what parents say and do -- but from what they don't say and do.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I cannot believe your advice to "A Mom Who Tried in Florida." That woman should absolutely NOT apologize to her mother- and sister-in-law for not wanting her daughter to spend the night with her sister-in-law, whose drunk boyfriend was coming home later with other men friends who had been drinking. That was putting her daughter into a dangerous situation.

Men do all kinds of unpleasant and violent things when they've been drinking. I don't have to tell you that! This mother said she had gotten "ugly" in front of the child and her husband, but that's probably because they were arguing with her decision. I'd put up a fight, too, for my daughter in such a situation.

You'll probably get a lot of mail on this one, Abby. You BLEW it. -- DEBBIE BROWN, ALOHA, ORE.

DEAR DEBBIE: I certainly did -- in spades! And I've received a hail of mail concerning that error in judgment. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: No way does any mother owe an apology to anyone when it comes to the safety of her child. From her own past experience, Mom knew the situation her 6-year-old daughter could find herself in. I am amazed that the child's father agreed to his daughter's staying in a house with a total stranger who had been drinking.

Had I been in her shoes, there would have been no argument. My answer to the child would have been a resounding "NO WAY!" and that would have been the end of it.

In my view, the mother was the only rational adult in the family. -- MARTY ROGERS, SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Obviously you have never been subjected to drunks. They ruin every family gathering. No child should be subjected to such a situation.

The mother owes no one an apology, and her sister-in-law should find another boyfriend. Her choice in men is lousy, and the family should think carefully about their attitude. The family owes the young mother and daughter an apology -- not the other way around.

Abby, I should know because I grew up in a family of alcoholics. Both my parents died young as a result of alcoholism. -- LEVOTA M. MISNER, MADERA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: You were way off base in advising "Mom in Florida" to apologize to her sister-in-law, mother-in-law and husband for "overreacting" when she objected to her 6-year-old daughter spending the night in the house with her sister-in-law's obviously intoxicated boyfriend.

Since when is it "overreacting" to make sure your child is safe? The young mother should have taken her child home without making excuses and arguing with her moronic husband and sister-in-law.

Apologize? ABSOLUTELY not. -- JOAN LASZCZAK, PINSON, ALA.

DEAR JOAN -- AND THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER READERS WHO WROTE TO TELL ME THAT MY ANSWER WAS WAY OFF BASE: You are right. I was wrong. And to "A Mom Who Tried in Florida": A thousand apologies for my naive answer.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in his early 50s. Over the past five years, he has developed a cough that has the whole family concerned. (He doesn't smoke and never has.) We have encouraged him to seek medical care, but he adamantly refuses, saying, "It doesn't bother me."

His family has a history of allergies, which may well be his problem; however, his refusal to get help is putting a strain on our relationship. He coughs his way through conversations, movies, television programs and radio. If he laughs, he coughs. If he eats, he coughs.

I have had asthma since childhood, but I rarely have an attack because I get regular medical care and faithfully take my medication. I know that if I coughed and choked as often as my husband does, I would be miserable.

My husband insists that the problem is mine, and if I loved him, I would accept him as he is and tune out his coughing. Is he right? It worries me. -- WORRIED WIFE

DEAR WORRIED: Until you and your husband know there is no medical reason for his coughing, you have cause for concern. Make a deal with him. If he will go for a thorough physical exam and the results show nothing serious, you will try to tune out his coughing. Unless and until he consults a doctor to be sure he is in good health, continue to hound him.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest and amusement how the sounds of the ice-cream truck affected the woman in Seattle. I have a story that may help.

Abby, my father-in-law will be 96 on July 11, and I'm still learning about the beauty of life from him.

My husband and I spent a Sunday with my father-in-law recently. As I usually do, I wandered into his back yard to weed, pick fruit and enjoy nature. The music blaring from two or three houses away was so loud I had to shout to be heard. I thought it was annoying, obnoxious and very inconsiderate. I asked my father-in-law if the music bothered him. Then I noticed he was swaying to the beat. "Oh, no!" he replied. "It lets me know I'm alive." It's all in one's perspective.

My husband has a severe hearing loss from factory noise. He can no longer hear birds, crickets, bells or whistles. He would love to trade places and be able to hear ice-cream trucks or the subtle sounds of nature's music. As a person with normal hearing, my first reaction to the loud music was annoyance, but perhaps I should be more like my husband and my father-in-law. -- MRS. GALLEGOS IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR MRS. GALLEGOS: Your father-in-law practices a philosophy to which I have long adhered: "When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade." Good for him, and you as well for learning so quickly the lesson this wise man offered.

DEAR ABBY: I joined members of the International Brothernood of Motorcycle Campers (IBMC) who gather from various states for camping and camaraderie. One weekend we camped at Chamberlain Lake in northeast Connecticut.

On Saturday, we made an ice-cream run to Traveler Restaurant, Route 84, Exit 74, Union, Conn. There, in a place of honor on the wall, was your photograph and letter. It was like: WOW! After reading your column for years, I felt like I was meeting an old friend. It made me proud of you. -- JOSEPH E. HICSWA, PASSAIC, N.J.

DEAR JOSEPH: How thoughtful of you to have written. Here's wishing you many more enjoyable ice-cream runs in the future.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)