DEAR ABBY: I cannot believe your advice to "A Mom Who Tried in Florida." That woman should absolutely NOT apologize to her mother- and sister-in-law for not wanting her daughter to spend the night with her sister-in-law, whose drunk boyfriend was coming home later with other men friends who had been drinking. That was putting her daughter into a dangerous situation.

Men do all kinds of unpleasant and violent things when they've been drinking. I don't have to tell you that! This mother said she had gotten "ugly" in front of the child and her husband, but that's probably because they were arguing with her decision. I'd put up a fight, too, for my daughter in such a situation.

You'll probably get a lot of mail on this one, Abby. You BLEW it. -- DEBBIE BROWN, ALOHA, ORE.

DEAR DEBBIE: I certainly did -- in spades! And I've received a hail of mail concerning that error in judgment. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: No way does any mother owe an apology to anyone when it comes to the safety of her child. From her own past experience, Mom knew the situation her 6-year-old daughter could find herself in. I am amazed that the child's father agreed to his daughter's staying in a house with a total stranger who had been drinking.

Had I been in her shoes, there would have been no argument. My answer to the child would have been a resounding "NO WAY!" and that would have been the end of it.

In my view, the mother was the only rational adult in the family. -- MARTY ROGERS, SPRINGFIELD, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Obviously you have never been subjected to drunks. They ruin every family gathering. No child should be subjected to such a situation.

The mother owes no one an apology, and her sister-in-law should find another boyfriend. Her choice in men is lousy, and the family should think carefully about their attitude. The family owes the young mother and daughter an apology -- not the other way around.

Abby, I should know because I grew up in a family of alcoholics. Both my parents died young as a result of alcoholism. -- LEVOTA M. MISNER, MADERA, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: You were way off base in advising "Mom in Florida" to apologize to her sister-in-law, mother-in-law and husband for "overreacting" when she objected to her 6-year-old daughter spending the night in the house with her sister-in-law's obviously intoxicated boyfriend.

Since when is it "overreacting" to make sure your child is safe? The young mother should have taken her child home without making excuses and arguing with her moronic husband and sister-in-law.

Apologize? ABSOLUTELY not. -- JOAN LASZCZAK, PINSON, ALA.

DEAR JOAN -- AND THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER READERS WHO WROTE TO TELL ME THAT MY ANSWER WAS WAY OFF BASE: You are right. I was wrong. And to "A Mom Who Tried in Florida": A thousand apologies for my naive answer.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in his early 50s. Over the past five years, he has developed a cough that has the whole family concerned. (He doesn't smoke and never has.) We have encouraged him to seek medical care, but he adamantly refuses, saying, "It doesn't bother me."

His family has a history of allergies, which may well be his problem; however, his refusal to get help is putting a strain on our relationship. He coughs his way through conversations, movies, television programs and radio. If he laughs, he coughs. If he eats, he coughs.

I have had asthma since childhood, but I rarely have an attack because I get regular medical care and faithfully take my medication. I know that if I coughed and choked as often as my husband does, I would be miserable.

My husband insists that the problem is mine, and if I loved him, I would accept him as he is and tune out his coughing. Is he right? It worries me. -- WORRIED WIFE

DEAR WORRIED: Until you and your husband know there is no medical reason for his coughing, you have cause for concern. Make a deal with him. If he will go for a thorough physical exam and the results show nothing serious, you will try to tune out his coughing. Unless and until he consults a doctor to be sure he is in good health, continue to hound him.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest and amusement how the sounds of the ice-cream truck affected the woman in Seattle. I have a story that may help.

Abby, my father-in-law will be 96 on July 11, and I'm still learning about the beauty of life from him.

My husband and I spent a Sunday with my father-in-law recently. As I usually do, I wandered into his back yard to weed, pick fruit and enjoy nature. The music blaring from two or three houses away was so loud I had to shout to be heard. I thought it was annoying, obnoxious and very inconsiderate. I asked my father-in-law if the music bothered him. Then I noticed he was swaying to the beat. "Oh, no!" he replied. "It lets me know I'm alive." It's all in one's perspective.

My husband has a severe hearing loss from factory noise. He can no longer hear birds, crickets, bells or whistles. He would love to trade places and be able to hear ice-cream trucks or the subtle sounds of nature's music. As a person with normal hearing, my first reaction to the loud music was annoyance, but perhaps I should be more like my husband and my father-in-law. -- MRS. GALLEGOS IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR MRS. GALLEGOS: Your father-in-law practices a philosophy to which I have long adhered: "When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade." Good for him, and you as well for learning so quickly the lesson this wise man offered.

DEAR ABBY: I joined members of the International Brothernood of Motorcycle Campers (IBMC) who gather from various states for camping and camaraderie. One weekend we camped at Chamberlain Lake in northeast Connecticut.

On Saturday, we made an ice-cream run to Traveler Restaurant, Route 84, Exit 74, Union, Conn. There, in a place of honor on the wall, was your photograph and letter. It was like: WOW! After reading your column for years, I felt like I was meeting an old friend. It made me proud of you. -- JOSEPH E. HICSWA, PASSAIC, N.J.

DEAR JOSEPH: How thoughtful of you to have written. Here's wishing you many more enjoyable ice-cream runs in the future.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have carried this resentment for two years and would like to ask you if I am right or wrong to feel hurt and angry.

On Thanksgiving 1996, which was our 53rd anniversary, my wife and I invited our children and grandchildren and a few close friends to our home for dinner. We received many nice gifts from all.

Abby, the following day my wife passed away. It was completely unexpected. Thank goodness all my family was here.

One couple, whom my wife and I had known for many years, immediately asked me to return their gift. I was shocked, but of course I complied. My children were angry at me for giving in to their request.

Was I wrong to return their gift? Please don't identify me, as the couple lives nearby. -- STILL HURTING IN GEORGIA

DEAR STILL HURTING: No, you were not wrong to have returned the gift, but I think it was wrong of them to have asked you to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I participate in a support group for families of teens in residential treatment. Many of our teens are making new choices. Among them is the choice of chastity until marriage, even though they may have had sex prior to the program. These teens are glowing and radiant in their newfound personal power. We are helping them learn how to heal families and meet new challenges in their lives.

One question has us stumped: If a young woman had sex as a teen, then chooses chastity until marriage, can she stil wear white at her wedding? -- ANONYMOUS, PLEASE

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Yes, indeed. A white wedding gown signifies a first-time bride, not chastity. And these days, the old "rules" have been relaxed so that a bride may wear whatever color she chooses, whether it's her first, second or subsequent marriage.

DEAR ABBY: We never laughed so hard as we did at the column about "Run, turkey, run!"

It reminded me of the time we were staying in a motel and listening to the sound of "birds" in the next room. We were ready to call the desk when they all settled down.

The next morning we read in the paper that the National Turkey-Calling Contest was in town that weekend! -- NANCY BECK, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Where in the "Book of Love" does it state that one partner in a relationship must embrace ALL of the interests of the other? If "Gwen" doesn't like hunting wild turkeys, her fiance should hunt the gobblers with his buddies who do. Given Gwen's culinary abilities, she may derive far greater pleasure from roasting the bird than killing it.

"Turkeyless" states that Gwen is good-looking and can cook. Now there's an unbeatable combination that should form the foundation for lasting marital happiness.

All in all, this guy has apparently sprung from the shallow end of the gene pool. My advice to Gwen? Dump this turkey! -- BILL IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)