DEAR ABBY: I have carried this resentment for two years and would like to ask you if I am right or wrong to feel hurt and angry.

On Thanksgiving 1996, which was our 53rd anniversary, my wife and I invited our children and grandchildren and a few close friends to our home for dinner. We received many nice gifts from all.

Abby, the following day my wife passed away. It was completely unexpected. Thank goodness all my family was here.

One couple, whom my wife and I had known for many years, immediately asked me to return their gift. I was shocked, but of course I complied. My children were angry at me for giving in to their request.

Was I wrong to return their gift? Please don't identify me, as the couple lives nearby. -- STILL HURTING IN GEORGIA

DEAR STILL HURTING: No, you were not wrong to have returned the gift, but I think it was wrong of them to have asked you to do so.

DEAR ABBY: I participate in a support group for families of teens in residential treatment. Many of our teens are making new choices. Among them is the choice of chastity until marriage, even though they may have had sex prior to the program. These teens are glowing and radiant in their newfound personal power. We are helping them learn how to heal families and meet new challenges in their lives.

One question has us stumped: If a young woman had sex as a teen, then chooses chastity until marriage, can she stil wear white at her wedding? -- ANONYMOUS, PLEASE

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Yes, indeed. A white wedding gown signifies a first-time bride, not chastity. And these days, the old "rules" have been relaxed so that a bride may wear whatever color she chooses, whether it's her first, second or subsequent marriage.

DEAR ABBY: We never laughed so hard as we did at the column about "Run, turkey, run!"

It reminded me of the time we were staying in a motel and listening to the sound of "birds" in the next room. We were ready to call the desk when they all settled down.

The next morning we read in the paper that the National Turkey-Calling Contest was in town that weekend! -- NANCY BECK, MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Where in the "Book of Love" does it state that one partner in a relationship must embrace ALL of the interests of the other? If "Gwen" doesn't like hunting wild turkeys, her fiance should hunt the gobblers with his buddies who do. Given Gwen's culinary abilities, she may derive far greater pleasure from roasting the bird than killing it.

"Turkeyless" states that Gwen is good-looking and can cook. Now there's an unbeatable combination that should form the foundation for lasting marital happiness.

All in all, this guy has apparently sprung from the shallow end of the gene pool. My advice to Gwen? Dump this turkey! -- BILL IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about my relationship with my fiance (I'll call him Stan). We are both 20 years old and have very different views on life. Stan is employed part time and is satisfied with that.

I need someone in my life who can help me financially, emotionally and physically. I don't want a man who has no career goals. Stan and I were supposed to move into an apartment together. Now that's been put on hold.

Stan's mom does everything for him, and he doesn't want to move away from home. When we plan to do something, we have to work around his mother's schedule because he is also her chauffeur. If I were to marry Stan, I would gain a horrible mother-in-law. I don't think she is very fond of me, either.

Stan is so in love with me, and the idea that we'll always be together, that if I tell him it's over, he will be crushed.

Our relationship is at a point that I have sought sexual fulfillment elsewhere. My friends tell me that if he doesn't know about the other men it won't hurt him. Should I continue to be dishonest with Stan, or what? Abby, please help me. I desperately need your advice. -- IN OVER MY HEAD IN TACOMA

DEAR IN: Your fiance appears to be far from ready to take on the responsibilities of marriage. Level with Stan -- I assure you, his mother will comfort him.

This should be a learning experience for both of you, and in the future, before you make a commitment, be absolutely certain that you and the young man want the same things from marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I am the grandmother of a 6-year-old boy who lives with me. I have a problem I am certain is shared by a number of people, and I have a solution to offer.

It is very uncomfortable for a parent, grandparent or other caretaker to allow a child to go into a public restroom without supervision. For young boys accompanied by a woman, or little girls accompanied by a man, the use of a restroom for members of the opposite sex after the age of 7 or 8 is difficult for all involved. There needs to be an alternative.

As a former teacher and counselor for people with handicaps, I've been told of situations where someone has been unable to go to some public places because the person accompanying them (i.e., a spouse) could not use the same restroom. With all the talk of accessibility for the handicapped, to my knowledge, this problem still remains unaddressed.

It would be helpful if public places provided unisex restrooms for the handicapped and children under the age of 12 who are accompanied by an adult of the opposite gender. -- THE REV. VIRGINIA L. ANDERSON, ONEIDA, N.Y.

DEAR VIRGINIA ANDERSON: That's an idea worth noting for those planning business and public facilities, but to modify existing theaters, malls, stadiums and businesses could be cost-prohibitive.

By the age of 6 or 7, your grandson should be able to use a public restroom without being accompanied by an adult. Most people are understanding if a young child or person with a disability is accompanied in a restroom.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Hurt Bride in Texas," who was upset because her future sister-in-law "selfishly" became pregnant after agreeing to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.

When I was planning my wedding, my 18-year-old sister tearfully announced that she was pregnant after we had already ordered the bridesmaid dresses. I, too, was upset, thinking, "How could she do this to ME on MY special day?" I hurt my sister when I asked another sister to step in for her.

I will never forgive myself for being so self-centered and thinking the whole world revolved around my wedding. My adorable nephew was born a few months after my wedding and is now in college. I'm so proud of him, and of my sister who faced many challenges as a young single mother.

A wedding day is just that -- one day. Family is forever. This bride and groom should be thrilled for his sister. The baby she's carrying will be their niece or nephew, and they will regret thinking of it as something that spoiled their wedding. -- MATURE IN MINNETONKA, MINN.

DEAR MATURE: Your priorities are well-placed. I was surprised at the number of responses the letter from "Hurt Bride" generated. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That bride-to-be has to be the most selfish, self-centered person I ever heard of. Why can't she be happy for "Sue"? I suspect her real concern is that Sue might steal the limelight on her "big day."

Personally, I think "Sue" should gracefully bow out of the actual ceremony, because chances are she won't feel like standing up in front of the church for an hour. When I was eight months pregnant, I was maid of honor in a wedding -- and I fainted. Talk about causing a distraction! Thankfully, my best friend was kindhearted, and didn't write to Dear Abby complaining that I'd ruined her wedding. -- KATHY PHILLIPS, JOSHUA, TEXAS

DEAR KATHY: I'd say your friend has a healthy appreciation of what's important. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from "Hurt Bride," I felt compelled to share what happened at my wedding six years ago:

My husband and I both wanted a big wedding that included all of our friends. Shortly after we asked everyone to share our special day, one of my friends informed me that the due date for her first child was about the same time as our wedding. I didn't even think twice. I wanted her in the wedding no matter what.

As it turned out, not only was she nine months pregnant when she was standing up there with me, but my sister-in-law -- the maid of honor -- fell down the stairs the week before the wedding and broke her foot. And the mother of one of my bridesmaids was three months pregnant and green with morning sickness. However, regardless of their condition, everyone was there at the altar to share our special day.

"Hurt in Texas" should be ashamed of herself. -- DEBBIE C. IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR DEBBIE: It sounds as though your wedding was filled not only with love, but also a comedy of errors. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt in Texas" and her fiance need to put "their day" into perspective. How they overcome this hurdle will define how they handle future conflicts. I hope they will be compassionate and understand that a wedding is not a "grand production"; otherwise, they'll get so caught up in the "directing" they'll forget there are other "actors" who have feelings. Even more important, they'll lose sight of the true meaning of the wedding. -- JULIE B. IN ILLINOIS

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)