DEAR ABBY: Rick (not his real name) and I were attracted to each other the moment our eyes met. I am 24, Rick is 30. On our third date, we ended up in bed at his apartment.

Abby, I was so disappointed. He fizzled out in the middle of a very exciting moment. Then Rick explained that he has been unable to function with any woman who is not a redhead. He told me he liked me a lot, and asked me if I would dye my hair red. I am heartbroken. I like Rick very much, but I am very dark- complexioned and feel that my black hair is far more appropriate than a thatch of red hair.

Abby, do you think he's telling the truth? Are there really men who can function sexually only with women with a certain color hair? -- NAMELESS IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NAMELESS: Perhaps. From your description, it appears more like a case of first-night jitters than a hair color preference. An honest conversation about his needs and yours is in order. The question is less about whether you can conform to his needs, than can he conform to yours.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Hurting in Whittier, Calif.," who thinks that wrinkles on her face are keeping her from getting a second look from men. There is nothing that will make people respond to her more than a sincere smile. It will make her wrinkles essentially disappear. Not only will it make her feel good, it will brighten the day of everyone she greets.

Abby, there is no guarantee that having a man in her life will make her feel any better. Believe me, I have had more to smile about since my husband of 27 years left town with another woman. I look younger, feel younger, and my morale has improved 100 percent. I have the same wrinkles I had when he was here, but no one notices them because I smile so often.

To paraphrase a quote from Nathaniel Hawthorne: "Happiness is like a butterfly -- the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder."

I hope "Hurting in Whittier's" shoulders will soon be loaded with butterflies of happiness. Sign me ... ALONE BUT NOT HURTING NOW, DANVILLE, KY.

DEAR ALONE: I'm printing your letter because many readers can benefit from your uplifting message. As the lyrics from a song in the Broadway musical "Annie" say: "You're never fully dressed without a smile!"

DEAR ABBY: What can I do when I am graciously treated to a restaurant meal by a friend or colleage, and when the bill comes, an inappropriate tip is left for the server?

I am embarrassed if we have received good or exceptional service and yet my dining companion leaves only a 10 percent tip, or less.

Whether it's an oversight, lack of appreciation for the 15 to 20 percent rule, or a lack of math skills, I feel compelled to supplement the tip out of my own pocket if I think the server deserves more. How can I do this without offending my host or hostess? -- WELL-FED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR WELL-FED: There is no need to offend or embarrass your host by calling attention to the small tips that shortchange a server, so as you leave the table, leave your tip as inconspicuously as possible.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I just roared at the letter from "Turkeyless in Arkansas." I couldn't stop laughing, so I sat down and wrote my own version -- from a woman's point of view. It's titled, "Men Are From the Forest; Women Are From the Mall."

Hope you enjoy it. -- ANN IN MANZANITA, ORE.

DEAR ANN: Not only did I enjoy it, so will my readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have the most handsome boyfriend in the world -- and the nicest, I thought, until I realized that "Ben" does not understand or respect my favorite activity: shopping.

Yesterday, my friend and I took Ben shopping with us, so he could understand the appeal. I explained everything to him the night before, but shopping day was a disaster. He was not up at 4:30 to be first in line. He poked around and refused to wear the shopping attire I had given him -- comfortable shoes and a backpack. In the shops, he refused to cooperate. His critical attitude attracted embarrassing attention from other shoppers. To top it all off, when I made a purchase, he would throw up his arms and scream, "Run, Visa Card! Run!"

My friend could not stop laughing. I was so angry I haven't been able to speak to him since. Abby, how could this man be so insensitive to my feelings? Now I am no longer sure this relationship is such a good idea. Ben is good-looking and has a great career, but is this relationship worth saving? I'm not giving up my shopping excursions. -- PURCHASELESS IN OREGON

This is Abby again. I couldn't resist writing an answer.

DEAR PURCHASELESS: If you're been buying what Ben has been "selling" -- how can you call yourself "purchaseless"?

Whatever his masculine appeal might be, Ben is clearly not someone who's likely to develop a love for shopping.

If your ideal man is one who enjoys rising at 4:30 a.m., putting on sensible shoes and carrying a backpack so you don't have to carry your own packages, you are shopping in the wrong department.

Ben may look like a prize -- but he's no bargain. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I couldn't believe your answer to "Turkeyless in Arkansas."

Gwen is being told what to do, when to do it, how to do it and then expected to show respect to the person giving the orders, and you call HER a turkey! I thought the "Me Tarzan, you Jane" mentality was a thing of the past. Nowhere in the letter does the turkey hunter say he asked Gwen if she WANTED to go hunting, and nowhere do I see where he listened to her reply. That brainless turkey hunter needs to quit sniffing his face paint and realize that Gwen is using passive aggression to make the point of her disdain for his sport and his lack of communication skills.

Beauty and an ability to cook are poor reasons upon which to base a relationship. If "Turkeyless" wants a relationship, not only does he need to learn to communicate better and listen, he should look for common interests rather than expecting Gwen to kowtow to his. -- A GROUSE HUNTER IN MINNESOTA

DEAR GROUSE HUNTER: Gwen wasn't hog-tied and forced to go along on the turkey hunt. She could have refused the invitation.

The hunter wants a woman with whom to share his love of turkey hunting, and Gwen is definitely not that woman. So, for his purposes, she IS a turkey.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It was heartwarming to see the letter shortly before Memorial Day from a 13-year-old student who wrote you about a veteran who spoke at her school. He helped all of the students to better understand the significance of the Pledge of Allegiance to our flag. It shows that our young people are concerned about liberty and justice.

I wonder how many Americans pause to consider that the pledge of the flag is really a pledge to the ideals of our forefathers. These men fought and many died to build our great nation.

The Pledge of Allegiance is a pledge to fulfill our duties and obligations as citizens of the United States and to uphold the principles of our Constitution.

As Franklin Delano Roosevelt explained, "It is a pledge to maintain the four great freedoms cherished by all Americans: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from want and freedom from fear.

Thank you, Abby, for the many years I have enjoyed your column. You may sign me ... KEN NELSON, SOMIS, CALIF.

DEAR KEN: Although I received your thought-provoking letter a few weeks ago, I couldn't resist saving it to print on Independence Day. It is meaningful to reflect upon the fact that our founding fathers wrote our Constitution after having lived in a monarchy that guaranteed none of these blessed freedoms.

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional musician who makes my living working for the church. As you might imagine, no one gets rich in this line of work, although it has its rewards.

My problem is, in recent months I've been taken advantage of more than once. Some wealthy relatives insisted that I play the organ for their son's wedding. When I offered to play as my gift, they insisted that if I didn't accept payment, they wouldn't let me play. The wedding came and went; everyone else received a thank-you note, but I haven't received payment OR a note of thanks.

In another incident, a couple in my church who have a limited income decided to get married. Since I've known them for quite some time, I offered to play at the wedding for free. To date, I have not received a thank-you note for this gift either.

At the risk of appearing immodest, I am a very good musician, and the music at both weddings was superb. I'm no amateur -- I hold both a bachelor's and master's degree in church music.

Abby, the services of a professional musician normally are in the range of $100 to $300 or more for a wedding. The issue I'm bringing up is not so much the money as the fact that the couples seem to have had so little appreciation for what they received. Apparently my years of practice, experience and expertise are not worth their time to say "thank you." The very least the couples could do when they receive a gift is to send a note of appreciation. Don't you agree? -- MIFFED MUSICIAN IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR MIFFED: Yes, I do. As you said, the very LEAST the couples should do is to send an acknowledgment of your gift; a special thank-you note would be an even more fitting acknowledgment for such a generous gift.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY WOMB-MATE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SISSY!

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)