DEAR ABBY: "Brian" and I fell in love at first sight as teen-agers. We married very young, but he was the most wonderful, caring, loving man I'd ever known. He treated me like a queen.

We moved far away from our hometown, and I was homesick. I didn't give married life a chance. I acted like a baby instead of the married woman I was and returned to my parents. Brian begged me to stay, but I refused to listen. I planned on going back to Brian and our life together "sometime." Besides, I was having fun being single and partying -- so when Brian flew home to talk to me, I brushed him off. Two months after that he moved in with a woman and filed for divorce. When I received the papers, I realized I'd made a mistake. I wrote Brian a letter apologizing and begging for another chance. He never wrote back. That was 20 years ago.

I have been married to "Charlie" for 15 years. We had some good times together, but about three years ago we started drifting apart. Neither of us cared enough to do anything about it -- and it's to the point where we don't even sleep in the same room anymore. It's only a matter of time until we divorce. I'd be gone already, but I need to pay off some bills before I go.

On a recent trip to my hometown, I ran into Brian while I was shopping with my mother. I was stunned at the strength of the feelings running through me. My heart stopped and I was completely in love again. I could barely speak. My mother did all the talking.

I feel like a love-struck teen-ager. Brian is on my mind 24 hours a day. We never had a "last talk"; we never said goodbye.

I recently ran into Brian again. (Yes, it was a planned "accident.") He was very nice. He's not married, but he's living with someone. I wrote him a long letter, apologizing for everything I did and thanking him for all he did for me. In it, I said if there's ever a time he'd be willing to talk to me, I'd like to. I didn't tell him I love him or want him back in my life, but the point comes across. I want him to know that if there ever could be a chance, I want it.

Should I give him the letter? Please help me. Tell me right from wrong. I have no one to talk to and nowhere to turn. -- IN LOVE WITH BRIAN

DEAR IN LOVE: You are putting the cart before the horse. You owe it to yourself, your husband and to Brian to sort out your present marital and financial situation before telling this man that you are "available." Bear in mind that even if you give the letter to Brian, there is no guarantee he will respond to it in the way you hope.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the lady who asked her ex-daughter-in-law to hand down the family sterling to her granddaughter set me to giggling in memory of my own very wonderful mother-in-law. She had promised to crochet a bedspread for her son and me.

She was married to a man with "itchy feet," so they moved about three times a year, which left her with very little time to work on the spread, but she finally finished it!

Twenty-one years later, her son and I divorced. I stewed a long time about that bedspread. Obviously, I was no longer in the running -- so I wrote her a letter and suggested that she give it to one of my kids or one of her other grandchildren.

I was not prepared for her response: "Not to worry. I unraveled it." -- MS. MONTY MILLER, BUCKLEY, WASH.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, our 6-year-old daughter (I'll call her Marcia), and I recently drove to my sister-in-law's, several states away, for a visit. At dinner, I was introduced for the first time to her new boyfriend, "Joe." The man was sloppily dressed and didn't look very clean.

After dinner, Joe and several of the other male guests who had been drinking during dinner went out to continue drinking. Marcia asked to spend the night at my sister-in-law's, but I was reluctant to let her stay in a home where these men would be returning later, no telling how intoxicated.

I was concerned for Marcia's safety and put up a fight. I got pretty ugly in front of her and my husband. Marcia was crying and my husband was yelling. Nobody cared to listen to my reasons for not wanting her to stay.

Abby, I grew up with an alcoholic father. He used to come home drunk and get very mean with my siblings and me. I didn't want the same thing to happen to my little girl.

Marcia ended up staying there for the night, and Joe did come back drunk. He finally passed out on a couch near my daughter's bedroom. The next day, Marcia said Joe and my sister-in-law were talking loudly for hours after he returned, and she didn't get much sleep.

Now my sister-in-law won't speak to me, and my husband and mother-in-law are upset with me for the way I acted. I believe I acted as any mother would who has had experience with drunks.

How can I fix this? -- A MOM WHO TRIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: Although your motives were noble, you over-reacted. Had you approached the problem calmly and rationally instead of putting up a fight, you might have gained support for your position.

Write your mother-in-law and sister-in-law notes of apology for the unpleasant scene, and apologize to your husband and daughter. In the future, make sure the sleeping arrangements are clear to Marcia BEFORE you visit this household.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Flattered, I gladly accepted. When I was told that the dress she selected would cost me $240, I was shocked. I told the bride that I couldn't afford to spend that much for a dress, but I would be happy to go shopping with her to find something less expensive. When she informed me that changing the dress was not an option, I told her that I would be unable to participate in the wedding.

She did not protest my decision, or try to come up with an alternate solution such as paying for half of the dress. Instead, she asked another girl to take my place in the wedding.

Abby, this has been bothering me for weeks. I feel like she chose a dress over her friendship with me. Am I overreacting? What do you think? -- OUSTED IN OREGON

DEAR OUSTED: Obviously it was more important for your friend to have the bridesmaid dresses that she preferred than to have you as a bridesmaid.

Are you overreacting? Only if you let this end your friendship. The bride was insensitive to your financial situation, but releasing you from an obligation to be in a wedding you couldn't afford to participate in is not an issue great enough to lose a friendship over.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had few close friends in grade school, but I did have one close confidante, "Janie" -- a girl in my class. We went on to high school together, which made the transition easier.

In my sophomore year I found a great group of friends, but Janie and I also continued our close relationship.

I'm a junior now, and a new girl I'll call Tammy has joined our group. She, too, had problems making friends when she was younger, but Janie accepts her. In fact, they share many common interests.

Tammy tells me everything the two of them do together, especially when I'm not invited to participate. I try not to let it bother me, but I must admit I'm hurt that my best friend spends so much time with Tammy instead of me. I don't want to be possessive and prevent Janie from forming new relationships, but neither do I want someone to come between my best friend and me.

Abby, Janie tells me that I'm still important to her, but I don't like feeling like second banana. I'm worried that Janie and I are slipping away from each other. -- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING LEFT OUT: It is not possible to "own" another person. You and Janie are growing up, and part of growing up is developing new interests and new relationships. Janie's compatibility with Tammy should not make you feel insecure. View this as an opportunity for you to branch out in new directions, and it will make you stronger and more popular.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the kind words about square dancing. Abby, members of square dance clubs do more than just dance. We have picnics, barbecues, potluck dinners, parties -- seasonal and otherwise -- and attend special events together. We take bus trips and get together to play cards or dine at nice restaurants. We also go on square dance cruises. There are opportunities for as much involvement as anyone cares to enjoy.

My husband, Don, and I have been square dancing since 1981 and consider it the best activity we have ever been engaged in. Don and I have held office in the club at least once, and are past presidents of the Associated Square Dancers of California (an organization of 70 square dance clubs in Southern California). We are currently chairing the 50th National Square Dance Convention, to be held in Anaheim, Calif., in June 2001.

Abby, our slogan for this year is "Square Dancing Is Fun and Friendship Set to Music."

We urge people who want to make friends and have a good time to take square dance classes or get back into a club if they have let their membership lapse. While it takes a little time to learn the dances, they will have fun learning and will be happy for the decision. They will never be lonely again -- unless they choose solitude. -- DON AND DONNA WEBB, TORRANCE, CALIF.

DEAR DON AND DONNA: I'm sure many people will take you up on your invitation. Readers, anyone who's interested in finding out where and when dances or lessons are offered should call 1-800-FUN-4ALL (386-4255). Square dancing is not only fun and entertaining, it's also great exercise.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)