DEAR ABBY: I'm 32 years old and in love with a man I met six months ago. The problem is that I'm not sure he cares about me.

He has recently gone through a tough divorce that hurt him deeply. His ex-wife was the first and only relationship he has ever had.

Things were going well for us until a few months ago, when he told me he "needed his space." We got back together, and then about a month after that he began to slowly slip away from me again. Each week he would distance himself more, until one day I received a letter from him stating that he felt we were not meant for each other.

I love him so much, Abby, and I don't want to lose him forever. I keep hoping he'll change his mind and come back to me, because at work he still has a picture of the two of us on his desk. Does this mean something? Please help? -- HEARTBROKEN IN VERMONT

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but the timing couldn't have been worse for the two of you to have met. A man who is fresh out of a tough divorce from a wife who was his first and only love has many issues to work through before he settles down to another serious commitment.

The fact that he still keeps a photograph of the two of you on his desk means that the association is a pleasant one for him. But you're ready to get serious and he's not, so keep looking.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in my 70s, and I have a theory about why women outlive men. At any senior center that has exercise, line dancing and aerobic classes, you are lucky to see one or two men participating. The women are as happy as hens in a barnyard -- dancing, exercising and giving each other hugs. I am one of the few men in the classes, and at times I'm the only man.

As I leave the classes, I notice men in the reading room sitting a mile apart with their noses buried in a book, while their wives help each other stay healthy both physically and mentally. I think the isolation and loneliness of men kill them before their time. -- FAST EDDIE, GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR FAST EDDIE: That's a keen observation. What's astonishing is how easy it can be to reverse those unhealthy habits. Following a regular program of moderate exercise and relieving stress by communicating with others in a social environment should not only add years to men's lives, but make those years more enjoyable.

DEAR ABBY: I may be able to help "Frustrated Husband," whose wife's sex drive was decreasing while his seemed to be increasing. My husband and I were in the same situation. I was tired after working all day, then caring for our daughters and trying to keep the house straight.

Sex never crossed my mind unless my husband mentioned it. I was usually too tired or distracted by all the "to do" lists running through my mind to look forward to a sexy evening.

By chance, I started reading romance novels. Suddenly my sex drive increased dramatically. Some of them are very descriptive, and they caused me to think about sex throughout the day (something my husband says he's always done). The result is, come bedtime, I've been mentally preparing for lovemaking all day long. Sometimes I'm even the initiator. My husband and I are happier and more satisfied. -- BEEN THERE, DOING THAT

DEAR BEEN THERE: I almost ripped my bodice when I read your solution. Now why didn't that occur to me?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, Amy Locicero Federici, was the sixth victim of the Long Island Railroad Massacre of Dec. 7, 1993.

Abby, we all suffer when a loved one is taken. We are never the same again. The murder of my daughter changed my life and that of every member of our family.

A dear friend of mine, Marie Patella, who, like myself, is a teacher, wrote the protest against guns that I'm sending you. I hope that you will print it. -- ARLENE J. LOCICERO, AMY'S MOM, HAWTHORNE, N.J.

DEAR ARLENE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the tragic death of your daughter Amy. The essay your friend wrote is chilling, dramatic, and carries a message that needs to be heard. I'm pleased to share it:

I am a gun victim.

I have never been shot. Or shot at.

I have not had a spouse, child, parent or sibling shot.

But I am a gun victim.

Were you ever with a mother when she received word that her child had been shot on a train? I was.

Five years later, can you still hear that mother's scream? I can.

Did you ever race 40 miles to a hospital with parents whose child was dying from a gunshot wound? I did.

Each time you come upon a scene where the news was received, does your mind bring it all back? Mine does.

Did you ever watch a mother caress the fingers and lovely black curls of her dying child? I did.

If this same mother were your beloved friend, would you have felt your heart break? I did.

Did you ever spend five days gazing at the beautiful dying child who once brought a daily smile and an understanding heart to your classroom? I did.

Can you imagine how it would feel to make a presentation to the teachers at the school where you and your dear friend teach, informing them of what is happening at that hospital 40 miles away? I can.

Do you know anyone who buried a sobbing face in her hands in the podium because she couldn't make it through the staff presentations? I do.

Do you know how she felt when, after a 30-second eternity, she lifted her head once again -- only to be greeted by 50 wet faces? I do.

Do you ever ride in a car with your beloved friend and pretend you don't hear her cry when a train passes by? I do.

Do you ever need to hold your friend because bad days bring sobs? I do.

Does the smiling photograph of a murdered dear one greet you each day? It does me.

Will your dreams always be haunted by the events of a week in December, 1993? Mine will.

Because I am a gun victim.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been reading your column for years, and must say I enjoy them. In the past, you have written about people using the bathroom and not washing their hands. Some people I have seen will rinse their hands, but don't use any soap. Don't they know that water alone won't kill germs?

People should teach their children to wash their hands with soap. You don't have to have a college degree to know how to be careful. Won't you please print that item again, Abby? Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. -- SOUTH CAROLINA NATIVE

DEAR SOUTH CAROLINA: Here it is:

DEAR ABBY: People come to you with every conceivable problem, so I'm encouraged to present one that's so touchy I've never seen it mentioned in your column.

How do you get people to wash their hands after using the bathroom? In our home, the bathroom is right off the kitchen, and when the water is turned on, it can be heard in the next room. Guests have gone into our bathroom, used the toilet (I can hear the toilet being flushed), and then come out without having turned on the faucet, so I know they haven't washed their hands. Then after supper, they offer to help me dry the dishes! (I always say, "No, thank you!"). There's no telling what kind of infection could be transferred to my dishes from those unwashed hands.

Worse yet, where I work there's a cafeteria, and I've seen some cafeteria employees walk out of a bathroom stall and go straight out to serve the people without having washed their hands. Some of them even wipe and dry the dishes as they come out of the dishwasher. Can you imagine the disease risks a diner faces when he uses these "freshly washed" dishes?

Abby, please explain how dangerous this is. If you print this, I promise to frame it and hang it above our toilet. -- PLEASE WASH IN WINONA, MINN.

DEAR PLEASE: I cannot stress too emphatically how important this one specific area of hygiene is to good general health. Children should be taught to wash their hands with soap after using the bathroom and adults should have made it a lifelong habit.

The Mayo Clinic, the medical mecca of the world, has sponsored "Infection Awareness Week" programs. As part of its campaign, prominently displayed along the corridors of the Mayo hospital complex were posters showing a pair of hands under this terse message: "The 10 Most Common Causes of Infection."

To remind doctors, nurses and employees of the Mayo Clinic to wash their hands frequently were other posters bearing this catchy message: "A milligram of hand washing is worth a kilogram of antibiotics."

One final no-no on this subject: One must never use a napkin from the table as a handkerchief and then carelessly allow it to be mixed with other napkins on the table. Quite often a careless waiter or bus person will use soiled napkins to wipe off the table. This is almost as unforgivable as the aforementioned dirty toilet habits. The solution is to use a napkin as a napkin and a handkerchief as a handkerchief, and be certain that each is deposited in its proper place after it is used.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)