DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and would like to ask a favor. May I say thank you through your column to an inspirational speaker?

Dave Roever, a Vietnam veteran, came to our middle school in Sherwood, Ore., to speak at an assembly. His face had been badly scarred while he served in the armed forces.

During assemblies at our school, we are required to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. My friends and I have usually done this very carelessly, just to get it over with and move the assembly along faster so we can leave.

When Mr. Roever went to the microphone, he asked us to say the Pledge of Allegiance like we meant it. Then he talked about serving in Vietnam and the hardships encountered by our soldiers and the Vietnamese people.

He really made me think about our country, and how lucky we are to have liberty and justice for all. "Thanks, Mr. Roever." And thank you, Abby, for letting me say this to him publicly. -- ANONYMOUS STUDENT

DEAR STUDENT: I am gratified that young people are being taught the price of freedom, and that they are sufficiently intelligent to appreciate the sacrifices made by the members of the armed forces everywhere so that we may enjoy our liberty.

For those who may not have recited the Pledge of Allegiance in some time or may have forgotten the words, here they are. (I'll recite the pledge on Memorial Day, and hope that all my readers will, too.)

"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I travel throughout the United States during the summer months. Because your readership reaches all across the country, I would like to make a simple request:

I love lemon in my iced tea; however, when ordering iced tea in a restaurant and requesting lemon, they invariably give me a slice of lemon instead of a wedge. Evidently the chef slices the lemons in the morning for decoration -- and everyone knows you don't get much juice from a slice. Have you ever tried to squeeze a slice of lemon? Yuk!

Don't you think it would be possible for restaurant chefs to cut a few lemons in wedges for those of us who enjoy the lemon juice in a glass of iced tea? I'm not a picky person, but I'd appreciate your help in educating a few restaurateurs.

Please don't sign my name, as my Mormon sisters would not understand why I am ordering iced tea. Sign me ... INCOGNITO

DEAR INCOGNITO: It would be a no-brainer for chefs to provide lemon wedges for iced-tea-loving patrons during the summer months, when iced tea consumption rises. And I'm sure that many of them will.

However, just in case you happen to visit a restaurant where the chef has overlooked it -- why not carry an emergency lemon with you? Or, if it's too bulky, consider taking along some small squares of cheesecloth so that you can wrap half a dozen lemon slices and squeeze them together. They would take up no more space than a handkerchief.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have reached the point of desperation, and hope that you can help me find some answers and some sanity.

I am 56 years old, and after more than 30 years of a troubled marriage, I left my wife for a girl 18 years younger whom I had known less than a year. We were married five months later, but I knew immediately that my dream marriage was a mistake -- and within days I returned to my wife. Although our children are grown, I knew they needed their parents to be a stable family unit, and I couldn't get over having abandoned them.

My first wife took me back, but none of our problems had changed and I was as miserable as ever, unable to forget the young wife I had deserted. After a couple of months I returned to her.

Now I feel guilty about what I've done to my kids, no one from my old life is speaking to me, and all of it is affecting my relationship with my new wife.

I am afraid of another breakup and can't imagine where I would go or what I would do. Please don't suggest I see a counselor. I am one. -- ADRIFT AND AFRAID IN OHIO

DEAR ADRIFT: Please read this carefully: Because you are a counselor doesn't mean you do not need to see one. You will not be the first therapist who has needed to see a therapist. Many therapists are required to undergo analysis as part of their training, and many of them continue to do it as a "reality check" after dealing with so many disturbed people.

You are not a pingpong ball, and you cannot keep bouncing back and forth between spouses. Not only is it crazy-making for you, it's very unfair to them. Please waste no time in making an appointment with a therapist you can trust, respect, and who has an excellent track record. You'll be glad you did. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are getting married in November. His sister "Sue" and I have never gotten along. However, last year, despite our differences, I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.

I knew she was thinking about trying to get pregnant (as she is almost 30), so I asked her if there would be a conflict with her being in the wedding party. She said there would be no problem and assured me that if she did start trying to get pregnant, her due date would not coincide with the wedding.

A few months later, Sue and I spoke again about the pregnancy, and she once again assured me that there would be no conflict. In fact, although she was trying to get pregnant, she promised she would stop trying for a few months to be positive she wasn't due in November.

Well, surprise, surprise! She is now pregnant and is due 10 days after the wedding. Needless to say, my fiance and I are very hurt and upset that she let this happen. We feel like she betrayed us and lied without caring about our feelings. We think she acted very selfishly. My fiance's parents think we are wrong to be upset. What do you think? -- THE HURT BRIDE IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT BRIDE: Your quarrel seems to be more with Mother Nature than with your future sister-in-law. However, according to "Emily Post's Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette," "It is better not to choose as a bridesmaid a girl who is noticeably pregnant unless she and the bride are completely comfortable about it." If Sue still wants to be in the wedding, take her to a dressmaker and have a maternity dress made to match the other bridesmaids' attire.

You might also have a junior bridesmaid in your wedding party lineup who is willing to be a pinch-hitter on short notice if Sue can't go the distance.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old food server with a 12-year-old son. I have been married four times. The first marriage lasted seven years, the second lasted nine months, the third lasted a year. When I married my fourth husband, I realized within the first two weeks that I had made another mistake, so I had the marriage annulled.

As you can guess from the number of times I have been married, I want to be married. But for some unexplained reason, I start arguments and sabotage my relationships. Since my last marriage, I find myself starting to sabotage as early as the third or fourth date.

Men usually like me and are puzzled by my arguments and sudden cold shoulder. When they ask me to explain what is wrong, because they can't figure out why I won't speak to them for days, I can't give them an answer.

Abby, I don't know why I do this. I feel terrible about it, but I can't seem to stop. I have noticed that with a couple of the men, the ones who didn't push for too much intimacy right away, I didn't start arguing or fighting quite so quickly. Perhaps I need my space, and when they encroach on it I unconsciously use arguments to regain my independence.

Have you any idea why I do this, and how I can stop driving nice men away? I do want a loving relationship. -- PAT IN POCATELLO

DEAR PAT: You are reacting the way you do because on some level you are afraid of letting a man get beyond your defenses. Why you put up a barrier is something that only you can answer.

The quickest way to get to the root of the problem is through professional counseling. You have already taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem; now, take the next step -- counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the 83-year-old grandfather of a 28-year-old grandson, "Tom," who was never taught discipline. He was discharged from the military with an "unfit for service" discharge. While he was in the service, he never acknowledged gifts sent to him on Christmas, birthdays or other occasions.

Upon his return home, Tom stole his father's vehicle and credit cards and left for parts unknown. He charged hundreds of dollars on the cards, including charges for prostitutes. When he found him, Tom's father did nothing except send him to an uncle's in another state. This uncle took him into his home. Shortly thereafter, Tom stole blank checks, forged his uncle's name and cleaned out the account. The uncle didn't press charges.

Tom then visited another uncle who was ill, supposedly to care for him and help out. He did -- by stealing money from him also. This uncle pressed no charges, either.

An aunt got Tom a good job and signed papers to help him buy a car. Then he met a topless dancer in a bar and left the state with her and the car.

Upon their return, Tom and the girl came to me, and I refused to let them in my home. Did I do wrong? Now my son, Tom's father, won't call me, talk to me or anything. -- DISHEARTENED GRANDFATHER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR GRANDFATHER: You were wise to protect yourself from your seriously disturbed grandson.

The person to whom your son should be directing his anger is himself, for not recognizing that Tom needed professional help while it was still possible to do something for him.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)