DEAR ABBY: I am in a situation similar to the one described by "Can't Forget in L.A.," whose parents lied about the date of their marriage. I recently learned that my family is caught up in the same scenario.

My sister had told me she believed our family had a secret -- and she suspected it was our parents' date of marriage. Until then, I'd never questioned this, so without telling anyone, I did a little detective work. When I received a certified copy of my parents' marriage license, it indicated that they were married nearly four months later than they had told us all these years. This means that my mother was pregnant when they married.

My parents have had a long and happy marriage, so I was neither horrified nor "damaged" to learn that they, too, were somewhat less than perfect in their younger years.

Abby, should I tell them I know the truth? -- GLAD TO KNOW THE TRUTH

DEAR GLAD TO KNOW: This is your parents' "secret" and one which they have chosen to keep. Respect their wishes and say nothing.

DEAR ABBY: Please permit me, a retired Canadian archbishop, to express my great satisfaction with the letters you publish. I spend several months a year in Fort Myers, Fla., and enjoy reading your articles every day.

I admire your wisdom and compassion in responding to your readers. You exercise a ministry of charity toward the most afflicted people of our society. You are often their only relief and support.

Abby, please accept my gratitude and admiration. I authorize you to publish this letter, if you wish.

With the expression of my sincere friendship ... JEAN-MARIE FORTIER, ARCHBISHOP EMERITUS OF SHERBROOKE, QUEBEC

DEAR ARCHBISHOP FORTIER: Thank you for the compliment. I have never considered what I do to be a "ministry." I have always regarded it as a privilege.

Although I'm sure that many of those who read my column do so for its entertainment value, I also know that many people read it for comfort or because they're seeking answers to their own problems. Many of them are not aware of the help that is available in their own communities.

Over the years, readers have told me that they have learned from me. However, I see it the other way around. They teach me -- every day -- through their letters. So, I am the one who has learned from them.

DEAR ABBY: While driving through Visalia, Calif., on our way to Sequoia National Forest, I noticed that some of the farmers have signs along their fences depicting the name of the vegetable, fruit, grain, etc., which they are growing. Being a city girl, I found this to be very educational. Even the elderly ladies riding in the car with me commented that they never knew what an almond tree looked like until then.

Therefore, I am asking you to help educate America by calling on the farmers, growers and orchard owners to put up those signs letting America know just what that crop is they are growing. Young and old alike certainly will benefit from this simple gesture. -- MARLENE ZENSEN, STEVENSON RANCH, CALIF.

DEAR MARLENE: I'm from Iowa, so when I see acres of something growing, I assume it's corn -- and I'm usually right!

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: During the 10 years I have worked as a hairstylist, I have tried to make haircuts pleasant for children. Nevertheless, many are so terrified that all I can do is make sure they don't get hurt thrashing around in my chair. Parents can do a great deal to make a haircut a treat rather than a trauma.

1. Do not say "cut" to a small child. The word suggests danger and pain. Instead, say "styled" or "fixed" instead.

2. Try to take the child to the same stylist each time, so they can get to know each other. Also, take the child for visits that do not involve cutting, working in progressive steps from sitting in the chair to a haircut.

3. If the child has an older sibling, ask if the children can sit side-by-side to have their haircuts. The younger one may try to impress the older one with his or her good behavior. A parent or trusted adult may have the same calming influence.

4. Don't request an intricate or difficult haircut. It may take a long time and be unpleasant for the child.

5. If the child is fighting it, don't expect the stylist to continue. Fix the bangs and let it go.

6. Make sure the experience isn't a bad one: Holding a child's head forcibly is rarely helpful for the stylist and could be terrifying for the child.

7. Compliment your child on how nice he or she looks, and also on his or her good behavior. Tell the child you enjoy getting your hair cut.

8. Bring your own treat for the child, in case the stylist doesn't have any -- or has run out.

9. Never place a young child in the chair and leave the salon. Do not leave your older child alone in the salon unless you first instruct the stylist how you want the child's hair cut. You may be surprised to learn that your son wanted a Mohawk!

10. Usually kids are not naughty, just frightened. However, if your child misbehaves, put your foot down firmly. Do not allow the child to run around the shop -- floors tend to be slick with hair and water, and stylists use many chemicals as well as sharp and hot tools.

11. Never take children to a stylist when they are sick. Your child will be miserable having to sit still when not feeling well, and your stylist may catch what the child has.

Abby, I hope these suggestions will make haircuts more enjoyable for stylists, parents and especially children. -- GRATEFUL IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR GRATEFUL: Thank you for a letter that many hairdressers and patrons will appreciate.

DEAR ABBY: I have a solution for the woman who was concerned that high heels will mar her new parquet floors.

A number of years ago when I visited Westminster Abbey, I entered the beautiful Chapter House, which had a lovely parquet floor. At the doorway, there was a pile of booties (knitted or felt -- I forget which) designed to be worn OVER the shoes. Wearing them over shoes would eliminate the possibility of contracting fungus. -- DOROTHYANNE H. MACKAY, WEST MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR DOROTHYANNE: What a great idea -- booties to be worn OVER one's shoes!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently you printed a letter from "Dorothy," who was pleased that people with unwanted babies bring them to a hospital or police station, rather than leaving them to die.

That letter appeared in the Sunday paper on April 5. On the same Sunday, at 4:30 p.m., a newborn baby girl was found abandoned at the coffee lounge in front of the main doors of Legacy Emanuel Hospital's Family Birth Center in Portland, Ore.

I don't know if this was a coincidence, but we had never heard of a baby being left at a hospital before. The infant immediately received the medical care she needed and is doing fine. We nurses loved taking care of her, and we named her Star.

More than 200 people called regarding adopting her. Because of Star, attention was called to hundreds of other children in need of homes. Several of them have found homes!

Star presently is in a loving foster home, and if her mother doesn't come forward, she'll eventually be placed in an adoptive home -- making some family overjoyed, I'm sure.

We don't know the mother's circumstances, or why she felt she needed to leave her child -- but we are so happy her mom left her in a safe place. Wouldn't this be wonderful to read about more often?

I hope Dorothy's letter and this one will encourage mothers in dire circumstances to seek help, or to leave their babies where they'll be taken care of. -- JENNIFER BISSETT, R.N., LEGACY EMANUEL HOSPITAL, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR JENNIFER: Thank you for a wonderful upper of a letter. I, and many others, share your wish.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, and it seems that at least once a week part of it is devoted to domestic violence. One would think that this problem is rampant in our country. However, there's another side to this subject that needs to be addressed.

All a woman has to do is charge her spouse with domestic violence, and he is automatically considered guilty and immediately removed from the house. My son's estranged wife has done this three times. The first time, the charges were dismissed. The second time, she dropped the charges when she learned that he had taped the incident, proving that she had no grounds.

The third incident is coming to trial soon. My son is sure to win the case, as it is obviously bogus, but there is nothing to prevent her from doing it again.

In the meantime, her boyfriend is living in the house my son is paying for.

I certainly agree that there should be no tolerance for domestic violence. However, the fact that many women are claiming it for their own purposes must be recognized. Speaking to police and attorneys, I am aware that this practice is much more common than the general public is aware.

I cannot sign my name, as my son's case is still in the courts, but I hope that you'll devote some space in your column to this growing problem. Sign me ... SEEKING JUSTICE

DEAR SEEKING: Thank you for pointing out that there are usually two sides to every story. I hope your son not only wins, but his wife will cease and desist from making her false charges.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.