DEAR ABBY: Saving the lives of animals worldwide is the goal of more than 1,000 shelters throughout the world, as they join together on the weekend of May 2 for Pet Adoptathon '98.

Across the United States and Canada, in England, France, Germany, Denmark, Venezuela, India, South Africa and Cyprus, animal organizations will stay open longer hours, host spectacular events, and do whatever it takes to find loving adoptive homes for as many shelter pets as possible. For foundling pets it is a chance at a wonderful new life. For potential adopters throughout the world, it is an opportunity to find a new best friend.

Since North Shore Animal League founded Pet Adoptathon in 1995, the event has been a continuing success. Last year alone, more than 17,000 animal orphans began a new and better life with folks who love and care for them, thanks to Pet Adoptathon. But there are still many pets in shelters waiting for just the right person to go home with. That's why North Shore Animal League is calling upon animal lovers everywhere to adopt a dog, cat, puppy or kitten at a Pet Adoptathon shelter on May 2 and May 3.

The league is dedicated to making Pet Adoptathon '98 the biggest and best ever for shelter animals everywhere. Please, Abby, urge your readers to open their hearts and homes to the many lovable orphaned pets who are available for adoption. Their lives depend on it. -- J. JOHN STEVENSON, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE, PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y.

DEAR JOHN: I'm pleased to share this information with my animal-loving readers. Wonderful animals are placed in shelters through no fault of their own, and adopting them is not only compassionate, but a sensible way to acquire a furry family member.

For the name of your local participating shelter, call the league's Adoptathon hotline: (800) 400-7729 or visit its Web site: www.nsal.org.

DEAR ABBY: "Mary" and I dated throughout college, but didn't become sexually involved until our senior year. She discovered she was pregnant two months before graduation, and we were married three weeks after we got our diplomas. We have been married 10 years and have two beautiful children.

We are both in good health and hold down full-time jobs. My problem is my sex drive seems to be increasing while Mary's is definitely decreasing. On a scale of 1 to 10, our sex life would probably be a "2" -- for twice a month.

We have discussed this problem and have even seen a marriage counselor, who suggested that I look for other things to bring satisfaction to my life. I took his advice and found a hobby I enjoyed. I also got more involved in sports and spend more time with the children. All of these things are rewarding, but I yearn for a more meaningful romantic relationship with my wife.

Please don't suggest flowers, candy, etc. I have tried them with little success. I even had an affair, and although the immediate gratification was nice, the guilt was intolerable.

I love my wife and would like our marriage to last. Abby, suggestions would be welcome. -- FRUSTRATED HUSBAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED: It is possible that holding down a full-time job and being a mother to two young children have left your wife with little energy for romance. Show her this letter, and suggest that the two of you get a referral to a licensed sex therapist, in an effort to recapture the magic you had earlier in your marriage. You are both too young and have too much invested in this relationship to allow it to wither.

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DEAR ABBY: I met a very attractive widower I'll call Bob a few weeks ago at an RV park for seniors. He lost his wife eight years ago. My husband died three years ago. Bob and I spent most of that week in each other's company during the day, and since we've returned home, we have had lunch together several times.

Last week, Bob revealed that he's had surgery and radiation treatment for prostate cancer. I also have been treated for cancer. We are both nearing the time we will be considered cured.

Abby, we are planning to vacation together this summer. I keep expecting him to mention something about his inability to perform sexually, but he hasn't. To tell you the truth, sex is not all that important to me. In fact, I would rather skip that part of a relationship.

Would I be out of line to let him know in advance that I am not expecting any skyrockets or Roman candles on our vacation? -- HESITATING

DEAR HESITATING: Perhaps Bob has said nothing about his inability to perform sexually because his sex life is not yet over. Although I advocate honesty in relationships, I think that letting him know you expect no rockets and Roman candles could be potentially embarrassing and presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started a new job that I enjoy very much. Yesterday, however, I discovered I am working in an office with someone I never expected to meet. She is the wife of a man with whom I had a brief affair more than two years ago.

I saw "Bill" only a couple of times before I realized he was lying to me about being separated and in the process of a divorce. The second time we got together, I'm pretty sure it was at the home he shared with his wife, in their bed! He told me it was his mother's house. After I saw pictures of his two children on the dresser, I ended the relationship.

My problem is I am very uncomfortable in the presence of Bill's wife. She seems to be a very nice person, but I can't carry on a conversation with her the way I can with my other co-workers. I'm sure it is only a matter of time before Bill comes to visit his wife at work, and I can't imagine how to act when that happens. Please help. -- TRYING TO FORGET

DEAR TRYING: You were wise to end this no-win situation as quickly as you did. Now it is time to forget it. Your initial discomfort in the presence of Bill's wife will lessen over time. If Bill shows up, treat him as though you've never seen him before -- which is better than he deserves.

DEAR ABBY: I can understand "Growing Old in Florida's" distress with the persistent and none-too-sensitive food server. Of course, the server was only trying to be helpful, and not everyone who is entitled to a senior discount is comfortable asking for it. I know I wasn't, early in my "career" as a senior.

"Senior citizen" doesn't sound nearly as dreadful as OAP (Old Age Pensioner), the term they use in England. THAT can take the starch out of you!

Wouldn't it be better to educate salespeople, food servers, etc., to simply ask their patrons, "Are you eligible for any of the discounts we offer?" This shouldn't offend anyone, and those who deserve it will get their discounts without having to ask. -- LENORE MATHER, WAVERLY, N.Y.

DEAR LENORE: That's a tactful solution to a sometimes tricky situation, and I hope your letter is posted everywhere discounts are offered.

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DEAR ABBY: I would like to tell you about an item that helps emergency vehicles locate a particular home. A "911 Locator" light switch can be purchased in many hardware stores. It is a three-position light switch that replaces the standard one which operates the porch or yard light. In the bottom position, the outside light is off; in the upper position, the light is on as it normally would be; and in the middle position, the outside light flashes. Emergency vehicles can spot a flashing light from quite a distance, so they can zero in on the house in distress without having to slow down to read addresses.

These switches are illuminated so they can easily be found in the dark. They retail for about $17. I have installed several of them for elderly, single and ill friends in the past few years, and at least two have been used for an emergency. The emergency personnel complimented the homeowners for making their homes easy to find. One manufacturer of this type of switch is Pass & Seymour/Legrand. I hope this information is helpful. -- R.E. JENSEN, SEDONA, AZ.

DEAR R.E.: Very helpful. Thank you for informing my readers -- and me -- of the existence of this item. Its size may be small, but its value is potentially enormous. I called the manufacturer and was told that this product is carried by several national hardware store chains.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked for years as a wedding photographer, and during that time I have seen many couples almost driven to elopement because of the pressure they're placed under while the wedding is being planned.

Some situations I've witnessed repeatedly: Well-meaning mothers who plan the wedding they always wanted, and browbeat their daughters into accepting the plans. Divorced parents so bitter they could not put aside their personal feelings for a few hours to attend their son's or daughter's wedding, or who refuse to be photographed in the same shot. Stepparents who are so insecure they refuse to allow their mate to attend the wedding because the ex-spouse will be there.

I've seen "friends" who get the groom so drunk the night before the wedding that he's still reeling the next day; siblings and friends whose egos prevent the bride and groom from choosing the people they really want to stand up with them; and "wedding experts" who pressure the couple into spending more than they can afford because it would "look bad" to do something less expensive.

Abby, I have dried more tears, consoled more grooms and counseled more couples who were ready to throw in the towel and elope than I care to remember.

To all of those self-involved, insensitive people, I would like to say: If you love your child, your friend or your sibling, put your ego and personal problems aside for one day. Listen to what the couple want, support their decisions, and help them make their dream day come true. -- J.G. IN PHOENIX

DEAR J.G.: The wedding season is fast approaching. I hope that all couples about to be married will keep this column handy for well-meaning family and friends who apparently forget whose big day it is.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)