DEAR ABBY: Our beloved daughter-in-law died following an auto accident two years ago. Bonnie was in terrific condition and had entered the Chicago Marathon. While she was still in high school, Bonnie had made it known that she wished to be an organ donor.

When it became apparent that the only thing keeping her alive were the machines, our son was approached and asked about organ donation. He told the doctors to "take all of them." Thus, our daughter-in-law became an organ donor for five major lifesaving transplants (heart, lungs, two kidneys and liver) in addition to skin, cartilage, etc.

Tim has received letters (with names deleted) from the recipients and their families. All are thankful that their quality of life is now normal; some wouldn't be alive without the new organs. This knowledge is the only thing that has made sense in this tragic loss. It has made our suffering tolerable. The slogan says it all: "Don't take your organs to heaven. Heaven knows we need them here."

Years ago, I had the privilege of cheering for Rod Carew in Minnesota. It was with deep sorrow that I read of his search for a matched donor and the loss of his daughter for the lack of that match. At one time, I was a bone marrow donor, so I take pride in the fact that doctors and scientists learn from each procedure. However, they can do these high-tech procedures only if they have donors.

We are all potential lifesavers. Abby, please continue to urge your readers to tell their families they wish to be organ donors, and to be tissue-typed for bone marrow donation. Blood donations are also needed. -- PHIL FAABORG, MIDDLETOWN, IOWA

DEAR PHIL: My condolences on the untimely loss of your beloved daughter-in-law. Your son, Tim, is to be commended for his compassionate and generous response in the face of personal tragedy. Your powerful letter is a timely reminder that April 19-25 is Organ Donor Awareness Week.

Readers, as important as it is to become an organ donor -- if you choose to do so -- it's equally important to make your wishes known to your doctor and the members of your family. Then if an emergency arises, there will be no surprises.

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Retired Military Man," who suggested using our closed military bases for training young people. I am a retired female veteran and have always thought it is a waste to close bases after so much money has been put into them.

Military bases are like small towns. They have everything within walking distance -- grocery stores, shopping centers, banks, barber/beauty shop, medical clinics, gyms and much more. I think they would make excellent retirement communities. Retired folks could live in reasonably priced homes and have the services they need close at hand. It would also provide hundreds of jobs for people in the community.

What do you think of this idea, Abby? -- KEMA AUSTIN, O'FALLON, ILL.

DEAR KEMA: I think the need for affordable, convenient housing for seniors is critical. Your idea has considerable merit.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a quandary regarding the proper salutation to use in a letter to an organization when there is no specific person to whom to address it.

When I learned to write business letters, I was taught to use "Gentlemen" or "Dear Sir." Nowadays, with so many women in the business world, the chances are that the executive who reads my letter will be a female. Consequently, "Gentlemen" or "Dear Sir" may be inappropriate.

"Dear Sir or Madam" seems a bit risky since most women are not madams. Is there some all-purpose salutation I have not thought of? -- IN A QUANDARY IN OLYMPIA

DEAR IN A QUANDARY: For formal letters, my preference is "To Whom it May Concern." "Dear Sir or Madam" remains the preferred salutation for a formal business letter when there is no specific person to whom you are addressing the letter. If you are writing to a particular department, consider addressing that manager: "Dear Sales Department Manager," for example.

Incidentally, I checked my dictionary, and the first definition of "madam" indicates that it is used "without a name as a form of respectful or polite address to a woman."

DEAR ABBY: I would like to reply to "Not Guilty by Association," the young woman whose father is a racist. "My" racist is not a parent or a grandparent; it's my younger brother.

As children growing up in a racially mixed neighborhood, my brother and I didn't know what racism was. We had a large group of friends of various racial and ethnic backgrounds. Some of the adults became so close to us we called them "aunt" and "uncle." Our parents never made any callous remarks or disparaging judgments.

My younger brother recently visited my husband and me and offered to pick up our 5-year-old son from day care. When they returned, my son was in tears. He said "Uncle Matt" said he shouldn't play with "Amanda" anymore because her skin is a different color.

I was furious with Matt, and we have told him that he is welcome in our home in the future, but only if he leaves the racism outside. I refuse to allow him to impose his views on my innocent children, whom I'm raising to see beyond color, religious beliefs or ethnicity.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I feel it has a message that needs to be repeated until racism is a word that has to be looked up in a very, very old dictionary. -- SIBLING OF A BIGOT, NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SIBLING: Your children are being raised to become the kind of citizens the world needs. I hope your brother learned something from the steadfast position you took. I, too, hope that racism is on its way to becoming obsolete.

THINK ABOUT IT: "If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you are overdressed." (Kate Halverson)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I lost my beautiful wife of 43 years. Her name was Bonnie Mae. I loved Bonnie more than I could ever express on paper, but because I was uncomfortable putting it into words, I seldom told her so.

There were several things Bonnie and I wanted to do and places we wanted to visit -- but somehow we always put them off until "next year," "next month" or some unspecified "later."

Unfortunately, life expectancy is not life assurance. After sitting at my wife's hospital bedside for 105 days, holding her hand and begging God not to take her from me, I suddenly found myself alone and experiencing searing regrets. I allowed the spoken endearments, the things to do and the shared adventures to be postponed until all I can do now is wail in anguish that those opportunities have been sealed off forever.

Readers, if you have someone you love dearly, please don't make the same mistakes I made. Tell her/him of your love often, and the things that you want to do and can afford to do -- do them now. Don't let that loved one slip away, your dreams unrealized because of procrastination, or you'll regret it bitterly the rest of your life, as I am doing now. -- GRIEVING FOR BONNIE MAE IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRIEVING: Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved wife. I have a feeling that Bonnie Mae knew how much you loved her, and she wouldn't want you to live with so much regret and sadness.

Your letter reminds me of a poem I have printed from time to time, and which is in my "Keepers" booklet, a collection of favorite poems, essays and letters. Its message bears repeating. Read on:

THE TIME IS NOW

(Author Unknown)

If you are ever going to love me,

Love me now, while I can know

The sweet and tender feelings

Which from true affection flow.

Love me now

While I am living.

Do not wait until I'm gone

And then have it chiseled in marble,

Sweet words on ice-cold stone.

If you have tender thoughts of me,

Please tell me now.

If you wait until I am sleeping,

Never to awaken,

There will be death between us,

And I won't hear you then.

So, if you love me, even a little bit,

Let me know it while I am living

So I can treasure it.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his longtime girlfriend are being married. They have one child -- a 3-year-old boy. I have two wedding etiquette questions.

Should photos of the "pre-existing" child be included in the wedding invitations? Also, when registering for bridal gifts at the local stores, should they include things the child can use as well? The little boy will be involved in his parents' wedding. -- WEDDING ROOKIE IN ARIZONA

DEAR WEDDING ROOKIE: It would be poor taste to include photos of the child (or the couple) in the wedding invitations. Also, this is a wedding, not a child's birthday party, so the happy couple should not register for children's gifts.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)