DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter signed "Lesson Learned." You told the sister who wrote it that it is normal for survivors of suicide to experience guilt.

Abby, she didn't have time for a cup of tea because she "didn't have money" to go to a cafe! I'll bet the suicidal sister would have been grateful for a friendly cup of tea at her sister's. Her twin nieces would have distracted her from her own problems. The suicidal sister asked for one Saturday night. Again, the sister refused. I'll bet every Saturday night she spends with her husband will be haunted by her sister's request. I should hope she feels guilt -- not for what she did, but for what she didn't do!

Even though I agree that the suicidal sister was responsible for her own life, she obviously felt very estranged from her family. Perhaps an outstretched hand could have made a difference. Her dead sister made no unreasonable demands. The sister who wrote is feeling guilty because she is!

Abby, you were far too easy on this lady. I'll bet you got a lot of flak on this. -- SANDY IN STUYVESANT, N.Y.

DEAR SANDY: "Lesson Learned" was courageous enough to publicly admit her insensitivity and lack of understanding of her sister's needs. She is clearly suffering, and I saw no need to further chastise her for something that cannot be changed.

Yes, I did receive some flak for my answer. However, I also received some mail that was very helpful. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I saw the letter about the poor young woman who suffered from depression and chronic fatigue syndrome. I feel deeply for the sister who ignored her sister's call for help. When "Lesson Learned" told her sister that the younger woman didn't know what "chronic-living-life-fatigue is," it was clear that she did not understand that chronic fatigue syndrome is a real disease, for which diagnostic criteria were established by the Centers for Disease Control in 1988. The disease is insidious, leaving the patient constantly exhausted, depressed, and burdened with a myriad of problems.

Many medical professionals do not believe that the disease is caused by a virus, an enzyme deficiency, or any of the other scientific reasons that validate this as a physical disease. They believe it to be "mental" or nonexistent. Because of this, a vast majority of those who have it go undiagnosed. Many patients do not receive the proper medical care because of their physician's lack of interest in a disease with no known cause or cure, so it's passed off as hypochrondria or a mental disorder.

Suicide among those afflicted with chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS) is high. "Lesson Learned" was devastated by the death of her sister, but it is doubtful she could have done anything to prevent it.

Readers who want more information should write to the Arizona CFIDS and Advocacy Institute, 1125 W. Baseline, No. 212, Mesa, Ariz. 85210. -- THOMAS E. SMITH, PH.D., MESA, ARIZ.

DEAR READERS: You can also contact the CFIDS Association of America Inc., P.O. Box 220398, Charlotte, N.C. 28222-0398 (enclose a self-addressed, stamped (55 cents) envelope) or call toll-free: 1-800-442-3437.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are newly married and have been working for a large, well-known retail store for several years.

When a store posts its hours on the front door, there is no excuse for a customer to waltz in three minutes before closing time and expect to shop the entire store. Even if no hours are posted, one can assume that the doors will be closing at 9 p.m. This is standard for retail stores. (Holidays and weekends may vary.)

Almost every night people stroll in three to five minutes before closing time. We will approach them and ask, "Is there anything I can help you find?" Invariably they say, "No, thanks. I'm just looking." (On rare occasions, a considerate customer will say, "Oh, thank you, I'll come back tomorrow.") Thirty minutes after we have locked the doors and are waiting to close the registers, these "lookie-loos" stroll out, without so much as a thank-you or apology.

How I wish I could say, "You may have nothing to do and nowhere to go, but most of us clerks have families waiting for us at home, sometimes a hot dinner cooling on the table, or a child waiting for a goodnight kiss. We're tired and want to get out of the store. Please give us a break." -- ANONYMOUS, NATURALLY

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Some stores have public address systems over which they announce that the store will be closing in 15 minutes, and it's the policy in others to flash the overhead lights to signal closing time. In others, clerks are allowed to approach the late customer and say, "We are closing in three minutes. May I help you find something?"

Discuss closing policies with your manager to determine if one of these practices can be instituted in your store.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter about using closed military bases for vocational schools. I'm not criticizing the idea, but I am criticizing the writer's misconception of vocational school students. I was offended at his statement that those of us who attend these schools are disadvantaged kids who are not college material.

I am a girl completing 10th grade at a vocational-technical high school in Delaware. Students must achieve a certain grade point average and fill out an application even to be accepted into this school. If they get into any trouble or don't keep up their grades, they are removed from the school. Furthermore, 60 percent of the students here go on to college after graduation.

My grandmother told me that vocational schools were first established for disadvantaged "problem children," but times have changed since Granny's day. These schools are not for dumb kids who come to learn a trade because they'll never do anything else productive in their lives. Students at my school are intelligent and excel academically as well as in their "shops."

Abby, people need to change their views about vocational schools. I speak for many of us students when I say that we are not "disadvantaged" and we are, indeed, "college material." -- HONOR STUDENT ATTENDING VOCATIONAL SCHOOL IN DELAWARE

DEAR HONOR STUDENT: Thank you for righting this misconception. You are living proof that vocational students can be college material. There are also students attending vocational schools who are learning a trade to provide themselves with comfortable livelihoods. My hat is off to them.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion on a very unusual subject. I am a single guy with a "foot fetish." I have this tremendous fantasy of worshipping women's feet -- bare or with stockings. I love to do everything from kissing and sniffing their feet to sucking their toes.

My question to you, Abby: How common is this fetish among guys, and is it curable? -- RAY IN CANADA

DEAR RAY: Having a foot fetish simply means that you are "turned on" (sexually stimulated) by feet. It's nothing new, and it's not dangerous. If you want to know what causes it, a psychotherapist could probably dig it out of your subconscious. Or, if you find a willing "sole-mate," you can explore the reason together.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are hurt and angry about a thank-you note our niece sent us for the $50 we gave her for her high school graduation. Her friends might think it was funny, but we don't.

The note read: "Uncle Jack and Aunt Judy: Thank you for the dollars and the card. Screw college! The cash will be used on wiser things, like a trip to Acapulco, Mexico (and alcohol). Love, Sally."

Should we let Sally and her mother know how we feel? Or should we just give her gifts instead of money from now on? -- IRRITATED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IRRITATED: Don't be so hard on your niece. She is no doubt feeling independent now that she is about to be out on her own, and she was trying to be funny. At least you received a thank-you note. There is nothing to be gained by confronting Sally and her mother. And by all means, in the future, send her gifts instead of cash if you're afraid she'll spend the money frivolously.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old widow with four grown children who are not financially well-off. My deceased husband left me fairly well-fixed financially. I have several bank accounts that I share jointly with my 28-year-old son. The house is in my name alone.

I recently met a very attractive man. We're discussing marriage, and he has moved in with me. He is twice-divorced and claims he doesn't have anything -- just an old car and some furniture he's had in storage since he moved in with me. I have a small joint bank account with him.

Abby, do you think I need a prenuptial agreement? He is an honest, decent man. -- UNCERTAIN IN UTAH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I think a prenuptial agreement is an excellent idea. Put everything in writing before you tie the knot. Good luck and best wishes.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to add to your collection of random acts of kindness.

I live in a retirement community of about 125 ranch homes. Two neighborhood men get up for an early walk every morning. As they pass the homes that have newspapers delivered there, they pick up the papers that have been pitched into bushes or slightly off the porches, and place them near the front doors -- rain or shine. Isn't that nice? -- SUN CITY SENIOR

DEAR SENIOR: Yes, it's very nice. The two men who perform this generous service daily receive instant rewards from the healthful exercise, but they also deserve verbal thanks. Hooray for them -- and hooray to you for citing their daily good deeds.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)