DEAR ABBY: I'd like to warn your readers about something that happened to me. Perhaps it will save them the embarrassment I caused myself.

My friend "Emily" met a priest while walking her dog in a neighborhood park. "Father Conway" came across as friendly and courteous. He and Emily became friends. From what Emily told me, he loves his ministry and is very knowledgeable about church doctrine, the sacraments and different parishes in our area. He is not a full-time priest because he has a full-time job. He doesn't live at a rectory; he has his own apartment. I accepted that, believing the church of his choice didn't have an opening available and that he wanted to work full-time and fill in for vacationing priests.

When I married last year, he performed the ceremony. My fiancé, now my husband, wanted a simple wedding. I wasn't attending church on a regular basis. Father Conway offered to perform the ceremony at the catering hall. We paid $150. We had premarital counseling at his apartment.

Everything went off without a hitch, until one day I met a "Father Reynolds" on a flight back from Florida. His parish is near my home. I began telling him about Father Conway, and he said he had never heard of him. About two weeks after, I received a call from Father Reynolds. He told me there's no record of any Father Conway in the diocese or with any of the neighboring dioceses.

When Emily and I asked Father Conway about his background, he became evasive. We asked him where he went to college and seminary school and when he graduated. The seminary and the university had no such graduate in their records. Father Reynolds knew several professors at the seminary that Father Conway claimed to have graduated from. His professors had never heard of him, either. Father Conway was nothing but a fraud.

When I thought about it, I realized that Father Conway never mentioned other priests, never invited Emily or me to any of the Masses he said he performed, never discussed his school days at the seminary or his early years as a young priest. However, he did talk incessantly about how much he had spent on his priestly garments, statues, gold candlestick holders and other religious articles.

Next time I meet a man of the cloth who doesn't live at the rectory, I'll check his background and speak to the priest he fills in for. I'll call the headquarters that the priest/minister answers to. Had I done that, I would not have been taken in by an impostor. -- WISER NOW IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR WISER NOW: What a mess! I took your problem to an indisputably legitimate man of the cloth, Cardinal Roger Mahony, archbishop of Los Angeles. His response:

DEAR ABBY: Please permit me to answer "Wiser Now in Massachusetts":

DEAR WISER NOW: I am very sorry that you were victimized by a man pretending to be a Catholic priest and I recommend you do two things in the aftermath of this fraud.

First, contact the district attorney in your jurisdiction to see if "Father Conway" has violated any civil laws. If he is not authorized to officiate at weddings by the state, he may be liable to criminal prosecution.

Second, if you have not already done so, make an appointment with your parish priest to have your marriage blessed by the church. This should not be a complicated matter, and I am sure your parish priest will be very sympathetic to your plight.

Your experience highlights the importance of the local parish in the life of every Catholic. Always approach your parish priest for the sacraments, even when you would like a priest from outside the parish to witness a marriage or to baptize a child. The parish priest will be able to ensure that a visiting priest has the proper faculties and delegation from competent church authorities.

Wishing God's blessing on you and your groom, I am ... CARDINAL ROGER MAHONY, ARCHBISHOP OF LOS ANGELES

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I strongly disagree with the advice you gave to "Mrs. B. From N.C." You advised her to keep slippers by her front door to stop guests from gouging her new parquet floor with their spike heels.

Abby, who wants to put their feet into slippers that have been worn by others? For that matter, who wants to keep a pile of slippers -- in every size -- in their front hall where they'll be seen?

A basket of clean "footie" socks and a small sign that reads, "Please remove your shoes upon entering our home. Thank you." Should do the trick. And a framed bill for the parquet floor next to the sign would be a real decorator's touch. -- FOOTLOOSE IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR FOOTLOOSE: I get the message. Many other readers also wrote to let me know they disagreed. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It's not just high heels that ruin a quality floor; grit on the bottom of shoes also scratches. You told "Mrs. B." to keep a collection of bedroom slippers in all sizes near the front door. Abby, I'd be afraid to wear slippers that have been worn by others for fear of getting a foot and toenail fungus. Toenail fungus is a nightmare to get rid of.

When I lived in Hawaii, people removed their shoes at the door. Mainlanders, however, do not automatically do this. When I installed marble flooring throughout my home, I placed a brass plaque on my door that reads, "Please remove your shoes." Now guests automatically remove their shoes once they've been in my home. The men remember to wear their best socks without holes, and the women remember to paint their toenails! -- KAY CHIRICHIGNO, TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR KAY: Thank you for the input. I must confess, the thought of a foot fungus never occurred to me. But now I know it's a very real concern. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm currently fighting a particularly stubborn foot fungus that I'm convinced is the result of trying on shoes. There is no way -- I repeat, NO WAY -- I'd put on a pair of bedroom slippers that had been worn by someone else. I do not want anyone to suffer what I've been through, and I don't plan on taking any chances by wearing slippers worn by every Jane, Sue or Mary.

When invited to someone's home, attire appropriate for the occasion is selected -- including shoes. I think guests would be insulted -- or at least uncomfortable -- to find they are expected to change into slippers in order to protect a parquet floor. I found your solution to be neither subtle nor nonoffensive. I'd rather the hostess told me in advance that she'd prefer I wore low heels to avoid damaging her new floor. I would then choose an appropriate pants outfit for the occasion rather than a dress or skirt ensemble. Or, I might just decide that "Mrs. B." thinks more of her parquet floor than her friends, and stay home! -- JEAN P. TERRY, SPRING HILL, FLA.

DEAR JEAN: Your letter reflects the opinion the majority of my readers expressed about my solution to the problem. I stand corrected. Mea culpa.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend (I'll call him Harry) and I broke up recently, so now I'm a single mother of a 3-year-old daughter. Harry gives me no money for our little girl and refuses to help me pay off the bills we accumulated together on my credit cards.

He immediately moved in with the girl he cheated on me with during our relationship. He was unfaithful from the beginning, abusive at times, and was never able to hold a job.

So, why do I feel like I still need him? Harry gave me herpes. That's why. Deep down I feel like no one else will ever want me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Although Harry moved out months ago, and even though I hate him for what he did to me, I'm still making excuses for him. Please help me. I'm ... LOST IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOST: Harry is not the answer to your problems; he's the reason you're in this fix. It's time to rebuild your self-esteem and stop making excuses for a man who wasn't much of a man in the first place.

Since Harry is a deadbeat and the credit cards were yours, face the fact that you'll get no help from him. Focus on your daughter and paying your bills.

As for no one else ever wanting you, that's not necessarily so. An estimated one in five people age 12 and older in this country (approximately 40 million to 50 million) have genital herpes, so you are far from alone.

For a packet of information on herpes, write the Herpes Resource Center, American Social Health Association, Dept. PR85, P.O. 13827, Research Triangle Park, N.C. 27709, enclosing $1 to cover postage and handling. ASHA is a nonprofit organization dedicated to stopping sexually transmitted diseases.

Please write again in six months and let me know how you are. I care.

DEAR ABBY: Here's a funny piece a friend gave me. I hope you like it. -- RICHARD J. KOVAR JR., BEREA, OHIO

DEAR RICHARD: It is very funny, and I have printed it several times. I liked it so much I included it in my booklet titled "Keepers." A number of readers request it each year, so here it is again -- enjoy!

OLD FOLKS ARE WORTH A FORTUNE

Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs.

I have become a lot more social with the passing of the years; some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I'm seeing five gentlemen every day.

As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.) After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed -- with Ben Gay. What a life!

P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do -- all the time. No matter where I am -- in the parlor, upstairs in the kitchen or down in the basement -- I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)