DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and recently made a very bad decision. I'm sure you and your readers have heard of "ruffies," the "date-rape drug." This drug has a very dangerous potential. I was at a party last weekend and decided to try one.

All the stories you've heard about not remembering anything are completely true. You have absolutely NO control over what you do, or what's done TO you. I was very lucky, because I was with someone I can trust -- my boyfriend, who loves me and would never hurt or take advantage of me. Unfortunately, not every guy is like that.

My memory of that night is totally blank. I could have been everyone's toy for the night and not have known it. Luckily, I wasn't, and I learned from my mistake. Please, girls out there, learn from my experience. Don't let it happen to you. -- ANONYMOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: If your mind is totally blank, how do you KNOW nothing happened? If there's the slightest doubt, see a doctor to be sure you are OK.

According to the Rape Treatment Center, Santa Monica-UCLA Medical Center in Santa Monica, Calif., the following is what young women can do to protect themselves from drugs like Rohypnol ("ruffies") or GHB:

-- Don't drink beverages that you did not open yourself.

-- Don't exchange or share drinks with anyone.

-- Don't take a drink from a punch bowl.

-- Don't drink from a container that's being passed around.

-- If someone offers you a drink from the bar at a club or a party, accompany the person to the bar to order the drink, and watch the drink being poured. Carry the drink yourself.

-- Don't leave your drink unattended, especially when talking, dancing, using the rest room or making a phone call.

-- Don't drink anything that has an unusual taste or appearance, like a "salty" taste or unexplained residue.

-- If you realize that your drink has been left unattended, discard it.

-- Don't mix drugs and alcohol. When drugs are mixed with alcohol, the results can be lethal.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old man who has been married for 22 years. My wife and I have two wonderful teen-aged children.

About six months ago, my wife's niece (I'll call her Rene), whom I had never met, came from another country to live with us so she could go to college in the United States. She is in her early 20s.

For the first few months everything was fine. Now I find myself thinking about Rene all the time. I think I'm in love with her. I travel quite a bit because of my job, and every time I come home it's torture. I have to act as if nothing is going on in my mind. No one knows the way I feel.

If I tell my wife, she'll be crushed and it will be the end of our marriage. If I tell Rene -- who has done nothing wrong and loves my wife like a mother -- she may want to return to her country without finishing her studies.

I have always tried to do the right thing. I never thought at this age I'd be feeling this way. I don't want to ruin anyone's life, including my own. What should I do? -- DESPERATE IN DELAWARE

DEAR DESPERATE: Although it's common for older men to fantasize about younger women, the consequences of your fantasy could irreparably damage at least five lives. Talking this out with someone you trust would be helpful. I recommend a professional therapist, who can help you assess the consequences of acting out this fantasy.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter recently warning your readers that ads for lost items placed in local newspapers might wind up on the Internet. The writer said that scam artists would contact them offering to return the item -- after receiving money "to pay the shipping charges." This seems illogical to me.

Why is there a good chance that one's "lost" classified ad would be placed on the Internet? Who would do that? Certainly not the scam artist, who wouldn't want to share his source of income with anyone else.

Didn't it occur to your letter writer to ask for a complete description of the lost item? Even if a scamster were able to provide a description of my "lost" wristwatch, I could always trip him up by asking, "Is it engraved on the back, 'To my darling husband from Mary'?" When the scamster answers, "Yes," I'd then respond, "Then you found someone else's watch. Mine is not engraved."

Abby, it's pretty hard to be taken advantage of if you stay one step ahead. -- DAVE BARRY, SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO, CALIF.

DEAR DAVE: Some newspapers that have online editions publish the entire contents on the Internet, including the classified ads. That's how someone's lost-and-found ad could reach a wider audience than the immediate neighborhood or city.

Your second point, however, is well taken. When people have lost a beloved pet or a treasured possession, they do not always think logically. The victims' desperation is what makes them vulnerable.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the child with the abusive stepfather could have been about me. I, too, commend the child for speaking up to an adult.

I was a victim of physical and mental abuse from my stepfather. I contemplated running away, but feared the consequences if I were found. For years I believed I had no place to run.

My mother was not abused by this man. She was aware of what he was doing to me and covered for him when a confrontation arose. I did not know that by seeking advice from another adult, a remedy to my pain could be found. I called the police one day, but nothing came of that call. Finally, I told my grandparents and a school official what was happening, and the gates of freedom began to open.

I now live with my grandparents and enjoy a life I never before thought possible. I'd like to tell the child who wrote to you to keep the faith and continue trying to get out. I would, however, add one more note: When he and his family escape, they should seek counseling. The scars of such a trauma are long evident. I know from personal experience that therapy will help. -- FREE AT LAST IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FREE: Thank you for encouraging that child, and any other child in an abusive situation, to continue to reach out to adults until someone believes and acts to establish a safe haven for them. And you're absolutely right that the quickest way to heal the scars is through therapy.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will be celebrating our 54th wedding anniversary this year, and I have had the same gripe for half a century. What on God's green earth makes women think that holidays are only for them? Let's take last year, for example:

On Valentine's Day, I gave my wife a lovely silver and gold choker with matching bracelet and earrings. I would have loved to have seen a bottle of champagne in the bedroom, or received an invitation to go out for dinner. Neither happened.

Three months before our anniversary, I planned a weekend at a first-class resort, and for her birthday, we went on a two-week cruise. This was all booked and paid for in advance. On our anniversaries, I am lucky to get a card from her.

Abby, we live in an affluent community, and I see many wives making a fuss over their husbands. But every time I mention my feelings, my wife tells me that holidays are for wives. The topper was when she said, "I go to bed with you; what else do you want?" Her favorite is, "You have everything; I don't know what to get for you."

I could go on for days, but this is enough for one letter. Thanks for listening. -- HURT HUSBAND

DEAR HURT HUSBAND: Your wife should be ashamed of herself. Although most of us of a certain age have most of the material things we need, everyone likes to be remembered on special occasions.

Actions speak louder than words. Show her this column, and tell her that gift-giving should be a two-way street.

DEAR ABBY: My son "George" was 17, and his girlfriend, "Lulu," was 18 when she announced that she was pregnant with George's child. When I told him, "The first thing we'll do is have some blood tests done to be sure that's true," George insisted that he would accept the baby as his own whether it was his or not. Hearing that, his father and I agreed to accept the child as our grandchild.

Well, Lulu had the baby and everything seemed to be fine until they broke up seven months later. Lulu refused to let George, me or anyone in the family see the baby. I was so upset I called our family lawyer, who informed me that there's nothing we can do about it because Lulu didn't put George's name on the birth certificate.

The problem is, George and Lulu are back together again. When I head the news, I informed my son that Lulu was not to come near me, and I wouldn't accept the baby as my grandchild until the blood tests were taken. George told his father that he thinks I'm being immature, and I should learn to take things as they come. How can I make him see that I can't accept Lulu treating my heart like a yo-yo? Please help me. -- TORN IN TUSCALOOSA

DEAR TORN: Although I don't blame you for being hurt, you will get nowhere if you take a hard-line stance. Lulu and George are both very young, and Lulu must have been furious at him to take out her wrath on the entire family.

Swallow your anger and try to make a friend of Lulu. Tell her that you were very hurt by what she did, but you'd like to put the episode behind you. She needs a mature and steady influence in her life, and if you provide it, you could reap a loving, rewarding dividend.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)