DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter recently warning your readers that ads for lost items placed in local newspapers might wind up on the Internet. The writer said that scam artists would contact them offering to return the item -- after receiving money "to pay the shipping charges." This seems illogical to me.

Why is there a good chance that one's "lost" classified ad would be placed on the Internet? Who would do that? Certainly not the scam artist, who wouldn't want to share his source of income with anyone else.

Didn't it occur to your letter writer to ask for a complete description of the lost item? Even if a scamster were able to provide a description of my "lost" wristwatch, I could always trip him up by asking, "Is it engraved on the back, 'To my darling husband from Mary'?" When the scamster answers, "Yes," I'd then respond, "Then you found someone else's watch. Mine is not engraved."

Abby, it's pretty hard to be taken advantage of if you stay one step ahead. -- DAVE BARRY, SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO, CALIF.

DEAR DAVE: Some newspapers that have online editions publish the entire contents on the Internet, including the classified ads. That's how someone's lost-and-found ad could reach a wider audience than the immediate neighborhood or city.

Your second point, however, is well taken. When people have lost a beloved pet or a treasured possession, they do not always think logically. The victims' desperation is what makes them vulnerable.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the child with the abusive stepfather could have been about me. I, too, commend the child for speaking up to an adult.

I was a victim of physical and mental abuse from my stepfather. I contemplated running away, but feared the consequences if I were found. For years I believed I had no place to run.

My mother was not abused by this man. She was aware of what he was doing to me and covered for him when a confrontation arose. I did not know that by seeking advice from another adult, a remedy to my pain could be found. I called the police one day, but nothing came of that call. Finally, I told my grandparents and a school official what was happening, and the gates of freedom began to open.

I now live with my grandparents and enjoy a life I never before thought possible. I'd like to tell the child who wrote to you to keep the faith and continue trying to get out. I would, however, add one more note: When he and his family escape, they should seek counseling. The scars of such a trauma are long evident. I know from personal experience that therapy will help. -- FREE AT LAST IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FREE: Thank you for encouraging that child, and any other child in an abusive situation, to continue to reach out to adults until someone believes and acts to establish a safe haven for them. And you're absolutely right that the quickest way to heal the scars is through therapy.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I will be celebrating our 54th wedding anniversary this year, and I have had the same gripe for half a century. What on God's green earth makes women think that holidays are only for them? Let's take last year, for example:

On Valentine's Day, I gave my wife a lovely silver and gold choker with matching bracelet and earrings. I would have loved to have seen a bottle of champagne in the bedroom, or received an invitation to go out for dinner. Neither happened.

Three months before our anniversary, I planned a weekend at a first-class resort, and for her birthday, we went on a two-week cruise. This was all booked and paid for in advance. On our anniversaries, I am lucky to get a card from her.

Abby, we live in an affluent community, and I see many wives making a fuss over their husbands. But every time I mention my feelings, my wife tells me that holidays are for wives. The topper was when she said, "I go to bed with you; what else do you want?" Her favorite is, "You have everything; I don't know what to get for you."

I could go on for days, but this is enough for one letter. Thanks for listening. -- HURT HUSBAND

DEAR HURT HUSBAND: Your wife should be ashamed of herself. Although most of us of a certain age have most of the material things we need, everyone likes to be remembered on special occasions.

Actions speak louder than words. Show her this column, and tell her that gift-giving should be a two-way street.

DEAR ABBY: My son "George" was 17, and his girlfriend, "Lulu," was 18 when she announced that she was pregnant with George's child. When I told him, "The first thing we'll do is have some blood tests done to be sure that's true," George insisted that he would accept the baby as his own whether it was his or not. Hearing that, his father and I agreed to accept the child as our grandchild.

Well, Lulu had the baby and everything seemed to be fine until they broke up seven months later. Lulu refused to let George, me or anyone in the family see the baby. I was so upset I called our family lawyer, who informed me that there's nothing we can do about it because Lulu didn't put George's name on the birth certificate.

The problem is, George and Lulu are back together again. When I head the news, I informed my son that Lulu was not to come near me, and I wouldn't accept the baby as my grandchild until the blood tests were taken. George told his father that he thinks I'm being immature, and I should learn to take things as they come. How can I make him see that I can't accept Lulu treating my heart like a yo-yo? Please help me. -- TORN IN TUSCALOOSA

DEAR TORN: Although I don't blame you for being hurt, you will get nowhere if you take a hard-line stance. Lulu and George are both very young, and Lulu must have been furious at him to take out her wrath on the entire family.

Swallow your anger and try to make a friend of Lulu. Tell her that you were very hurt by what she did, but you'd like to put the episode behind you. She needs a mature and steady influence in her life, and if you provide it, you could reap a loving, rewarding dividend.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You recently advised readers to substitute an acceptable word or phrase for curse words. Your examples were "Holy Moses!" and "Gosh darn son-of-a-sea-cook!"

My dad, Dale Lynk, must have had a wider repertoire because he had a longer list of substitutions. However, even they were suspiciously close to the original. His standard line went like this: "Cheese and rice, got all muddy, got damp by a stone on the beach." It must have worked, because I do not remember that he said much worse than that. Thanks for the memory. -- ALLAN LYNK, WADENA, MINN.

DEAR ALLAN: I admire your father's creativity. Read on for another suggestion:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, was a "Cursing Mom" -- mostly in traffic.

When my two sons were old enough to start imitating me, I set up a system of fines. This worked both ways since spanking and time-outs don't work so well. They were fined for "not listening to Mama or Daddy," for hitting, etc. I was fined if they caught me swearing. Each boy would get 50 cents each time he caught me. Both collected, even if only one heard me. It got to be a family joke. I'd put the money in their savings accounts, and once I took them shopping with it.

I haven't had to pay out in a while, and neither of my sons swears, nor do they seem the least bit interested in doing so. (They are now 9 and 7.) I've gotten quite creative in venting frustration. Now, if I get angry in traffic, I make up obnoxious songs about the other driver's bad habits. I hope this helps other frustrated moms. -- TONI BROWN, VIRGINIA BEACH

DEAR TONI: An excellent solution, but not a new one. I recall a famous movie and television star of the '50s, Loretta Young, who had a "swear box" on the set of her show because she wouldn't tolerate bad language.

I have also received mail from readers who feel that substituting other words for swear words is still swearing -- and that those who strive to rid themselves of the habit should refrain from uttering oaths of any kind.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ned," and I have lived together for seven years, since I was 19 and he was 21. We have no children.

He proposed to me five years ago and I accepted. However, we haven't legalized our relationship yet, although we have been faithful to each other.

Abby, I do everything for him that a wife does: keep house, cook, do the laundry, let him borrow my car when his isn't running (he won't let me borrow his), and support him emotionally.

I work in a coffee shop and don't make much money, but I have bought all our cookware, dishes, linens and curtains, and I help with the utilities as well as pay for all the groceries. It isn't easy on my wages and tips, but I pinch every penny twice, and I eat where I work to save on food expenses.

Ned makes twice the money I do, and consequently he claims he has the right to make most of the decisions in our life. I tried going to college so I could get a better job, but working full time and attending school was very hard. The hours were killing me.

I would like for us to finally get married, but Ned refuses. He says he won't marry me until I get a job that pays enough to handle half the bills.

Abby, I love him, but it seems that no matter what I do, it's never enough because I can't pay half of everything. Believe me, I would if I could.

Have you any advice for me, Abby? -- BEAST OF BURDEN, KINGMAN, ARIZ.

DEAR B.O.B.: Yes. If you want to get married, find another man, one who will value you for yourself -- not your paycheck. Ned is a user. You deserve far better, but you won't get it from this man. You've given enough, and it's time to move on.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)