DEAR ABBY: I am a retired psychiatrist who became blind as a result of a gunshot wound during a burglary in my home. Since that time I have relied on my guide dog, Alder, to maintain my independence. I was very pleased to see the letter in your column from Carl Augusto of the American Foundation for the Blind, which gave people tips on what sighted people should do when they meet a blind person. I'd like to add a few points that weren't covered, specifically about what people should and should not do when meeting a blind person with a guide dog.

Alder is a friendly 3-year-old black lab, and people's first inclination is to pet him. However, when guide dogs are working, they are responsible for the safety of their masters. Petting, distracting, or worse, feeding guide dogs while they are working can be very dangerous. A distracted dog may lead its master into a harmful situation. Also, if you see a blind person with a guide dog whom you suspect may need assistance, please ask that person first. He or she can tell you how to safely provide help without interfering with the dog.

Abby, thank you for giving me this opportunity to let people know about a subject that is so important to those of us who rely on our guide dogs. -- JOHN PHELAN, M.D., WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CALIF.

DEAR DR. PHELAN: I'm passing along the message. A person walking with a guide dog should not be mistaken for someone taking a stroll with a pet. The animal is working and should not be petted.

It's fine to comment that the dog is beautiful, dutiful or well-trained. But anything beyond that could be seriously distracting.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married to the greatest man for the last eight years. We have only one problem. Because he's an avid golfer and I'm not, he promised me, before we were married, one vacation each year anywhere in the world. The choice is entirely mine to make.

Our travels so far have included India, Nepal, Vietnam, etc. In October, we have a cruise scheduled to the Middle East (Oman, Yemen, United Arab Emirates and Kuwait.) Abby, he absolutely refuses to go! The cruise line assures me that they won't sail if the Persian Gulf is not safe.

My husband reads only the sports section and your column in our local paper, so I know he'll see your answer. Shouldn't he keep his premarital travel agreement? Please advise. -- RESTLESS IN RANCHO MIRAGE

DEAR RESTLESS: The U.S. government issues travel advisories to alert American tourists when certain countries are experiencing a political climate that might be dangerous to them. Your travel agent should be able to reassure your husband that he won't be cruising into hostile waters.

However, that may not be the core issue. Regardless of the premarital agreement, joint vacations are meant to be enjoyed by both parties. Since you have the money, surely there is some other area of the world you could visit that you would both enjoy without one party being fearful. Why not negotiate?

DEAR ABBY: Approximately 12 years ago, a close male friend had a little too much to drink. I offered him a place to spend the night -- the other side of my bed. Nothing happened between us. We just slept in the same bed. A few weeks later, my friend introduced me to my future husband. We have been happily married for 10 years.

Recently my husband and some buddies at work were discussing the things women tell their husbands. He mentioned the above situation. None of the men believed this could happen, so now my husband does not believe me.

How many of your readers have had a similar experience? I would love to prove his buddies wrong. -- CLEARING MY NAME, NOT MY CONSCIENCE

DEAR CLEARING: Many men and women have shared a bed all night and nothing has happened. This includes married couples. Trust me. Readers, I welcome your input.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the woman who complained about clapping in church: She should relax and enjoy. Worship doesn't have to be a somber and expressionless experience. The Psalmist tells us, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord."

Black churches are renowned for their dynamic expressions of faith. What's wrong with church members expressing their enjoyment of worship? Amen and hallelujah!

When the choir or soloists use their God-given talents in a worship service, worshipers should be free to express their appreciation. We clap at the church I attend. Yes, there are a few silent types who seem shocked at the vocal majority, but most of us believe there's nothing wrong with showing our appreciation to those who use their God-given musical talents for the rest of us to enjoy. -- NANCY WHITFORD, CHAMPAIGN, ILL.

DEAR NANCY: The majority of those who have written to me about clapping in church approve of the practice, although until recently it was considered improper. I see nothing wrong with thanking talented people with a round of applause for the religious inspiration they provide. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I would not care to have a solo or choir selection interrupted, I believe applause is an affirmation of praise from the congregation to God -- another form of the shouted "Amen!" that's often heard in some congregations. -- JACK M. HARDWICK, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I have been an Episcopal priest for 33 years, ministering to the "frozen chosen," as others call us. I began ministerial life as a cleric, believing in the rectitude of proper demeanor in worship. This meant that a show of joy or emotion was forbidden.

After years of looking out at the congregation and seeing frustration on the faces of those who wanted to join in an expression of appreciation for some moving sermon, reading, choir anthem or instrumental piece, I have been converted. In the Old Testament worshipers are taught: Clap your hands, all you peoples; shout to God with loud songs of joy (Psalms 47:1). In other passages, all of creation is to praise God with clapping and singing. Psalm 98:8 says: Let floods clap their hands; let the hills sing together for joy. In Isaiah 55:12, we read: For you shall go out in joy, and be led back in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall burst into song, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

Lest this be biased in favor of the positive, clapping was also used to show negative feelings. One example, Lamentations 2:15 tells us: All who pass along the way clap their hands at you; they hiss and wag their heads at the daughter of Jerusalem.

Freedom to express joy and appreciation is especially important when the young join us. They need to know they are welcomed in worship. -- RONALD C. BAUER, RECTOR, SAN JUAN CAPISTRANO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a difficult time trying to find the correct name for a function, and I'm asking for your help. The function I'm referring to is a get-together where food is served after a funeral and burial. Generally it is held at a church social hall or a community center.

Thank you, Abby. I'm waiting for your reply. -- EDWARD C. HOGGE, BENA, VA.

DEAR EDWARD: There is no specific term for it. In the Jewish religion, it's called "sitting shiva" -- and during that week-long period, friends and relatives bring food to the bereaved family. In the Christian religions, it might be called a wake, a repast, a memorial lunch or dinner, a reception -- or simply a gathering.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to support "Doctor in Michigan," who wrote that doctors have no time to talk to large numbers of depressed or suicidal people on the phone. Unfortunately, this doctor told you the truth. The best way to handle these people (and there are many) is to tell them to call the suicide hotline and make a follow-up appointment with their doctor.

Managed care, which is what the majority of doctors work under, means a lot of managing and very little care. In fact, we doctors aren't even doctors anymore; we are "providers." I have worked as a "provider" for 10 years in four different jobs and locations. All of them were crummy. At my current job, I see a patient every 15 minutes with a "double-book" occasionally thrown in.

Most providers routinely eat a 10-minute lunch and avoid consuming much liquid so they won't have to take too many two-minute potty breaks. I don't even dare ask patients how they are anymore, for fear they will really tell me. Under managed care, I'm given no time to listen to their answer, anyway.

I doubt you heard from many doctors on this issue because most are too busy trying to keep their miserable lives afloat. I pity those carrying big mortgages and supporting kids in college, because they probably can't afford to leave these "factory jobs" behind. I, myself, plan to eventually change careers.

Abby, the medical profession is falling apart in this country. It's a tragedy. Unfortunately, I cannot sign my name. Just sign me ... A DOCTOR, TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

DEAR DOCTOR: I am aware that with the arrival of managed care, doctors are compelled to see more patients in less time. However, even if a physician is unable to schedule an emergency appointment, a return call at the end of the day would be the courteous and caring course of action. Read on for another view:

DEAR ABBY: I was fortunate enough not to be the patient of the "family physician" in Michigan when my life came crashing in around me.

I called my physician's office and asked the staff to have him prescribe something for my agitation, as I was so upset I felt like blowing my brains out. His assistants were tremendous. They told me to come in right then! My doctor saw me immediately, listened with compassion, assured me that we'd get through this, and thanked me for calling him. He phoned a therapist in a nearby building and set up immediate therapy for me. He asked if I could walk over there alone, or if I wanted his nurse to take me. Then they watched to make sure I made it safely to the other building, where the therapist was waiting for me outside the front door!

Dr. Wayne Owens, his staff, and Pat Booker, M.S.W., literally saved my life. I am now emotionally healthy and stable, and enjoying life as I never had before.

There's a light at the end of the suicidal tunnel if people like these help you when you're at your lowest. -- ELLEN LE BLANC, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR ELLEN: You will be pleased to know that your experience was not unique. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am alive today because my family physician took the time to call me on the phone. Yes, he also asked me to come in immediately for a consultation, and referred me to a mental health specialist. However, it was the phone call that saved me from suicide. I didn't know where else to turn. Not everyone is aware of suicide hotlines.

Abby, a family physician (also known as a general practitioner) is usually the first step toward successful treatment of mental illness. -- CHRISTINA IN WAYNESBORO, PA.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)