DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to support "Doctor in Michigan," who wrote that doctors have no time to talk to large numbers of depressed or suicidal people on the phone. Unfortunately, this doctor told you the truth. The best way to handle these people (and there are many) is to tell them to call the suicide hotline and make a follow-up appointment with their doctor.

Managed care, which is what the majority of doctors work under, means a lot of managing and very little care. In fact, we doctors aren't even doctors anymore; we are "providers." I have worked as a "provider" for 10 years in four different jobs and locations. All of them were crummy. At my current job, I see a patient every 15 minutes with a "double-book" occasionally thrown in.

Most providers routinely eat a 10-minute lunch and avoid consuming much liquid so they won't have to take too many two-minute potty breaks. I don't even dare ask patients how they are anymore, for fear they will really tell me. Under managed care, I'm given no time to listen to their answer, anyway.

I doubt you heard from many doctors on this issue because most are too busy trying to keep their miserable lives afloat. I pity those carrying big mortgages and supporting kids in college, because they probably can't afford to leave these "factory jobs" behind. I, myself, plan to eventually change careers.

Abby, the medical profession is falling apart in this country. It's a tragedy. Unfortunately, I cannot sign my name. Just sign me ... A DOCTOR, TELLING IT LIKE IT IS

DEAR DOCTOR: I am aware that with the arrival of managed care, doctors are compelled to see more patients in less time. However, even if a physician is unable to schedule an emergency appointment, a return call at the end of the day would be the courteous and caring course of action. Read on for another view:

DEAR ABBY: I was fortunate enough not to be the patient of the "family physician" in Michigan when my life came crashing in around me.

I called my physician's office and asked the staff to have him prescribe something for my agitation, as I was so upset I felt like blowing my brains out. His assistants were tremendous. They told me to come in right then! My doctor saw me immediately, listened with compassion, assured me that we'd get through this, and thanked me for calling him. He phoned a therapist in a nearby building and set up immediate therapy for me. He asked if I could walk over there alone, or if I wanted his nurse to take me. Then they watched to make sure I made it safely to the other building, where the therapist was waiting for me outside the front door!

Dr. Wayne Owens, his staff, and Pat Booker, M.S.W., literally saved my life. I am now emotionally healthy and stable, and enjoying life as I never had before.

There's a light at the end of the suicidal tunnel if people like these help you when you're at your lowest. -- ELLEN LE BLANC, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR ELLEN: You will be pleased to know that your experience was not unique. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am alive today because my family physician took the time to call me on the phone. Yes, he also asked me to come in immediately for a consultation, and referred me to a mental health specialist. However, it was the phone call that saved me from suicide. I didn't know where else to turn. Not everyone is aware of suicide hotlines.

Abby, a family physician (also known as a general practitioner) is usually the first step toward successful treatment of mental illness. -- CHRISTINA IN WAYNESBORO, PA.

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DEAR ABBY: How would you like to be one of 44 million people in the United States with a loud screeching, roaring, whistling, ringing or chirping in your head? Can you imagine going to a doctor and being told: "You have tinnitus. There is nothing I can do for you. You'll have to learn to live with it." This is the answer millions of tinnitus sufferers hear repeatedly.

In 1993, a loud ringing sound began in one of my ears. It was driving me crazy and made it impossible to sleep. I became stressed out and depressed. It was impossible to continue to work because I was always tired. Not a single doctor could help.

Finally, one doctor referred me to a local American Tinnitus Association (ATA) support group. When I called, they gave me immediate assistance, empathetic care and understanding, and helpful information which led me to realize that I could manage this condition and lead a productive life.

The ATA was founded in 1971. It publishes a magazine, "Tinnitus Today," that keeps its members up-to-date on the latest research and treatments for tinnitus. In addition, it sponsors research, testifies before Congress to encourage more research and has support groups all over the United States.

Thank you, Abby, for spreading the word. -- JOHN NICHOLS, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR JOHN: I have mentioned the Tinnitus Association before, and I'm pleased to do it again. Until recently, there was no help for people afflicted with tinnitus. However, a number of procedures such as sound "masking," drug therapies, biofeedback and tinnitus retraining therapy now exist that can bring relief to some tinnitus sufferers.

For more information about the ATA, call (toll-free) 1-800-634-8978, or write: The American Tinnitus Association, P.O. Box 5, Portland, Ore. 97207-0005.

DEAR ABBY: This is for the 26-year-old man who wants to marry the 32-year-old woman with a teen-age daughter:

My mother married my stepdad when she was 32. He was 24. I was 14 years old at the time.

I know about problems with disapproving families, and even racism. My mother's family and stepdad's family didn't want to acknowledge the wedding. Despite the opposition, my mom and stepdad have been married for 11 years. Because of the union, I have a little brother I couldn't love more. I also have a great stepdad who loves and respects my mother.

In a way, my stepdad and I grew up together. He's a friend as well as a dad, and he taught me that love and trust conquer all. -- N. BOMAGAT, RENO, NEV.

DEAR N. BOMAGAT: I'm certain the man who wrote will appreciate your supportive letter. Now it's up to him to decide if he's emotionally emancipated enough from his family to follow his heart. Let's hope he makes the right decision for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: If any of your readers are casting around trying to figure out what to give their sweethearts for Valentine's Day, let me tell you about a surprise that backfired.

I decided to give my boyfriend a special surprise last Valentine's Day. I bought a big red bow, tied it around my waist and prepared to deliver my surprise. I called my Valentine to let him know that I was on my way -- and left my house wearing a coat over nothing but the bow.

When I arrived at his house, I rang the doorbell, and as the door opened, I opened my coat and said, "Happy Valentine's Day."

I found myself face-to-face with MY surprise. He had flown in my parents for a visit! As my boyfriend rolled on the floor with laughter, my dad said, "Surprise!" My mother just stood there in shock.

It's the last time I'll ever try a gift like that. No name, please -- just sign me ... SURPRISED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SURPRISED: No wonder red is the color for Valentine's Day. Just be grateful it wasn't HIS parents.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last Veterans Day, you printed a story that someone sent you about why "Taps" is played at military funerals. Since I spent 22 years in the Army and studied military traditions, I knew it was not a true story -- nice and sentimental, but untrue. I have enclosed the true story of "Taps." Please share it with your readers. -- JIM BAKER, MITCHELLVILLE, MD.

DEAR JIM: Hundreds of veterans and students of history wrote to correct the misinformation. The following is a condensed version of the origin of "Taps" taken from many published accounts, including a U.S. Army Military District of Washington fact sheet:

The 24-note melancholy bugle call known as "Taps" is thought to be a revision of a French bugle signal, called "tatoo," that notified soldiers to cease an evening's drinking and return to their garrisons. It was sounded an hour before the final bugle call to end the day by extinguishing fires and lights. The last five measures of the "tatoo" resemble "Taps."

The revision that gave us the present-day "Taps" was made during America's Civil War by Union Gen. Daniel Adams Butterfield, heading a brigade camped at Harrison Landing, Va., near Richmond. Up to that time, the U.S. Army's infantry call to end the day was the French final call, "L'Extinction des feux." Gen. Butterfield decided the "lights out" music was too formal to signal the day's end. One day in July 1862, he recalled the "tatoo" music and hummed a version of it to an aide who wrote it down in music. Butterfield then asked the brigade bugler, Oliver W. Norton, to play the notes and, after listening, lengthened and shortened them while keeping his original melody.

He ordered Norton to play this new call at the end of each day thereafter, instead of the regulation call. The music was heard and appreciated by other brigades, who asked for copies and adopted this bugle call. It was even adopted by Confederate buglers.

This music was made the official Army bugle call after the war, but was not given the name "Taps" until 1874.

The first time "Taps" was played at a military funeral may also have been in Virginia soon after Butterfield composed it. Union Capt. John Tidball, head of an artillery battery, ordered it played for the burial of a cannoneer killed in action. Not wanting to reveal the battery's position in the woods to the enemy nearby, Tidball substituted "Taps" for the traditional three rifle volleys fired over the grave. "Taps" was also played at the funeral of Confederate Gen. Stonewall Jackson 10 months after it was composed.

"Taps" now is played by the military at burial and memorial services, to accompany the lowering of the flag, and to signal the "lights out" command at day's end.

Now, dear readers, I believe I am on target about the origin of "Taps" -- although a few details differ from other versions.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are friendly with a couple from another state. We visit back and forth quite frequently and enjoy each other's company immensely.

The problem arises when we dine out. I feel that when we visit them and eat out I should pay the bill, because they are giving us overnight lodging and meals at their house. However, when they visit us and we eat out, I feel that I should pay the bill because they are my guests and I should take care of everything. It wouldn't be a problem except that our friends feel the same way, and when the bill comes we both go through the "I've got it" routine. Both of us go to great lengths to pay the bill.

My question: Who should pay in each situation? -- CURIOUS IN VEAZIE, MAINE

DEAR CURIOUS: My answer: For crying out loud, take turns!

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