DEAR ABBY: I had an unfortunate encounter on an airplane recently, and I'd like to share what I learned.

I was seated in coach, in a window seat, with a woman on the aisle and a middle-aged man in the middle. We chatted briefly about where we had been and our destination. The man was polite and neatly dressed.

After takeoff, I put my seat in a semireclining position so I could nap. The man took out a newspaper and began reading. As he turned the page, his right elbow touched my breast. The first time, I thought since we were in such cramped quarters, it could have been an accident, so I ignored it. When it happened again, I told him in a firm voice not to touch me again -- but he did it a couple more times. Since he had both hands on the newspaper, the lady on the aisle didn't know what was happening. Not until I threatened to smash his ribs with the thick magazine I had rolled up did he stop.

When I mentioned this to the flight attendant, he said I should have called him immediately, and he would have moved me to another seat. I replied that I was not sure what was happening at first, and that we had been told the plane was full. He told me it did not matter -- when in doubt, ask to be moved. They would have found another spot for me.

So, ladies, even if you aren't sure you are sitting next to a sexual predator, call the flight attendant and ask to be moved. I could have lost my cool and bashed that jerk with my magazine. On an airplane, such an act carries a very stiff federal sentence, and I could have been jailed for assault and battery. -- E.T. IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR E.T.: Thank you for a helpful letter. A less assertive individual might have suffered in silence and never found out that the flight attendants could help. Although the majority of us may never have to use the information, it's reassuring to know what to do in a pinch.

DEAR ABBY: As both a businessman and consumer, I find negative signs to be far more offensive than signs that carry positive messages. The attitude signs reflect is often indicative of the attitude of the business as a whole.

In my business, we concentrate on never saying "no" to a customer until all other options have been explored. I publish a telephone directory, and often encounter customers who want preferential treatment in the placement of their ads. I believe it's unfair to give preferential treatment to one customer who is buying the same ad space as someone else. So, we now offer "preferred placement" for a fee. If a customer asks for something as unreasonable as a free ad without reasonable cause, I reply, "I will give you a free ad if you pay for the next three issues in advance."

As a consumer, I am offended by "No shirt, no shoes, no service" signs, and will instead patronize a business with the positive sign, "Shirt and shoes required by state law." I appreciate businesses that say "We accept Visa" instead of "No American Express," or "30-day money-back guarantee with sales receipt" instead of "No returns without receipt."

I wish you had told "Sick of Signs" to put a positive spin on them when it's her turn to make signs. She could even replace the more tattered of the existing signs with positive messages. -- RIC TURLEY, BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR RIC: It's not surprising that your positive philosophy has made your business successful. In this increasingly competitive environment, companies would be wise to take a critical look at what their signs and customer service policies say about them. Both can be very revealing.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I recently printed a letter from "Wilting Wallflower in Arizona," a woman who asked me to put out the word to men that the way to attract women is to dance with them.

To my delight, I received this clever rebuttal:

DEAR ABBY: All my life I have loved fishing, as do most other men I know. It is exciting, fun and great exercise. Couples fishing together are so romantic. When I see a woman who can fish with a man, I'm instantly fascinated by her -- and so are my friends.

Why, then, are women who can fish so hard to come by? Women are supposed to be charming, romantic and good companions. Fishing is all of that. Yet most women are "dancers" who say, "I don't fish."

I thought women liked attracting men. I know some people say women are dense. But this fact cannot escape anyone's attention: A woman can attract men by going fishing.

Will you please put out the word for us and tell women how sexy and attractive they are when they're fishing? -- WAITING WITH BAITED HOOK IN NEVADA

DEAR WAITING: I receive letters every day from women who complain about how hard it is to meet men. Women, now you have heard it from the source! Get off the dance floor and onto the lake, river or ocean. You won't even have to take lessons. My experts tell me that fishermen love to tie knots. With the right bait, there's no telling what you might reel in! Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I am sending you a poem I wrote in 1962 when our twins were born. I thought that since you are a twin, you would appreciate it. -- AL WILLIS, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR AL: You thought right. I'm printing your poem to be enjoyed by those readers who were also blessed with "double trouble." (Please forgive me, but I can't help but brag that my wonderful son, Edward Jay, and his lovely wife, Leslye, blessed our family with "double trouble" in 1994, a boy and a girl -- the twins are named J.J. and Hutton.)

TWINS ARE DOUBLE TROUBLE

by Al Willis

Twins are double trouble.

They cry, they smash, they tear.

They break and spill and bite and scratch

And pull each other's hair.

They practice art upon the walls

And yank electric plugs.

And cookies, milk and something else

Get ground into the rugs.

They drive their mother crazy,

Their father is berserk,

He's glad when Monday comes around,

So he can go to work.

The diaper pails are filled again;

The laundry tub's piled high.

The doctor bills (and others, too)

Are mounting to the sky.

So if you have a single child

As placid as a dove,

Contain your envy, if you can;

We have a double love.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a woman who signed herself "Living a Nightmare," who had been a victim of domestic violence dating back to her honeymoon. You provided her with some solid advice; however, some information was missing from your reply that would benefit all women involved in violent relationships.

Victims of domestic violence need to be made aware that their abusive spouses are breaking the law. Domestic violence is a crime, and it should be reported to the proper authorities. "Living a Nightmare's" husband has already broken her nose, her wrist, her shoulder, and caused a miscarriage by kicking her when she was four months pregnant. In her case, calling the police is long overdue.

In addition to ordering the booklet you recommended, women should know that help is a phone call away. Confidential assistance is available 24 hours a day through domestic violence hotlines throughout the country. I suggest getting started by calling 1-800-799-SAFE, a nationwide toll-free hotline that can provide immediate help and connect women with the resources nearest them.

Those in violent relationships also need to understand that an entire generation of children are at risk, because domestic violence is a learned behavior that's passed along to the next generation. Research shows that in homes where a father is physically abusing his spouse, the children are more likely to grow up to participate in violent relationships themselves. This should be of great interest to "Living a Nightmare," as she already recognizes that the home lives of her children are "terrible." If she understands that her children are likely to repeat the pattern themselves, I'm sure she'll want to call for help at once.

Abby, please print this to make "Living a Nightmare," and everyone in a similar situation, aware of these facts. Last year I was fortunate enough to become involved in a public awareness campaign to generate awareness of, and put an end to, domestic violence. If it helps just one woman, we will have accomplished a great deal. -- SCOTT A. LYNCH, HALES CORNERS, WIS.

DEAR SCOTT: I hope it does, because I have been told that the problem has reached epidemic proportions in this country. Domestic violence cuts across all social, economic, educational, religious, ethnic and cultural lines, and there are no stereotypical perpetrators or victims. I have received letters concerning women who physically abuse their boyfriends and husbands, and domestic violence also occurs in same-sex unions.

When people hear about a physically abusive relationship, the first question they usually ask is, "Why doesn't she leave?" Only when people start asking, "Why is he using violence?" will we be able to end the problem.

DEAR ABBY: Our friends moved in down the street from us and have proceeded to copy every original design idea we have used in our yard and house. Not only have they copied our surroundings, they have joined every club and organization we belong to, and we bump into them everywhere we go.

If we say we did something or went somewhere, the next thing we hear is, "We should do that." And they do. My husband thinks we should move, but I love our house and don't want to be uprooted. I don't want to lose their friendship, but I would like to keep our house distinctive. Any ideas? -- CONFUSED NEIGHBOR

DEAR NEIGHBOR: People imitate those whom they admire. They also do it if they are insecure about their own taste and judgment. Be candid and tell them that although you feel flattered, being copied detail for detail makes you very uncomfortable. Then offer to help them make unique selections of their own.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)