DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old boy with an older brother who attends an out-of-town college. Since he entered college over a year ago, I have tried to convince my parents to let me switch bedrooms with him. Except for summer vacations, my brother rarely comes home, so his huge room is vacant most of the year. Although I am able to make use of his room in his absence, it is not truly mine, and I think it's unfair that I have been relegated to the smaller bedroom.

My parents don't want my brother to feel dispossessed. They want him to know that he is always welcome here and that his things will be exactly the way he left them. I don't want him to feel dispossessed either, but couldn't he feel just as welcome in a smaller bedroom?

Abby, why does the younger brother always get the shaft? Please help me. -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Ask your brother how he feels about his bedroom. Now that he is a college man and has been away from home for a year, he will probably agree to trade his large bedroom for your smaller one. If you can persuade him to tell your parents that he would be comfortable in your bedroom, you'll have it made.

DEAR ABBY: Before we were married, my husband, "Tony," had card parties for his buddies every Tuesday night. The parties lasted until at least midnight, but it didn't matter then because I could go home and get my sleep.

Now that we are newlyweds, this presents a problem for me. I start work early every morning (his hours are later) and I'm exhausted for the remainder of the week.

I've spoken to Tony about this and he's promised to end these parties earlier, but it never seems to happen. I've suggested rotating the parties to the other players' homes, which he did a few times. But now, because we've argued about it so often, he stubbornly refuses to do that. He claims, "This is the way it's always been." What can I do? -- I'VE DEALT MY HAND

DEAR DEALT: Marriage is compromise. Try to accommodate Tony on this issue, bearing in mind it is only one night a week. Buy earplugs and a sleep mask, turn on some soft music in your room and go to bed. You can learn to sleep with a little noise, knowing that your husband is home where he belongs and proud that he has such an understanding wife.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing because I think you will be pleased that there's a non-native speaker of English who reads your column every day to develop her reading skills.

I've learned many good expressions from the letters and your responses. Your column is also perfect for broadening my understanding of the American people. It's full of ordinary people, unlike the weird types we see on television talk shows.

I subscribe to my paper just for your column, and I read the section it is in before I read anything else.

Abby, I'm grateful that my tutor, Martha, who is also an enthusiastic reader, recommended I read your column to improve my English. -- HIDEKO IN LA CRESCENTA, CALIF.

DEAR HIDEKO: Thank you for your flattering letter. I have heard from other people in various parts of the world who sharpen their English skills by reading my column, but it's always nice to hear from another one.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have taught physical education in the elementary grades and middle school, and I'm presently teaching grades 9 through 12 at La Quinta High School in La Quinta, Calif. I was both saddened and furious when I read the letter by the 10-year-old student who hates going to P.E. because he or she is always chosen last.

Unfortunately, this happens in many P.E. programs around the country, and there is no one to blame but the teacher. Not only does it humiliate a student, it also wastes quality teaching time. The people who are cutting our physical education programs today are probably the same students who were chosen last in their P.E. classes.

One of the most important organizations we as professional physical educators need to be members of is COPEC (Council on Physical Education for Children). In 1992, COPEC listed examples of inappropriate activities in physical education classes:

"Forming teams: Teams are formed by designated 'captains' who publicly select one child at a time, thereby exposing lower-skilled students to peer ridicule. ... It is a process that can either expedite the activity process, or belittle students and become a risk factor for future involvement."

Following is a list of strategies that are quick and nonthreatening, taken from the Success Oriented P.E. Activities book:

1. Instructor equitably preselects teams

2. Clothing colors or colored strips of paper

3. Birthday months, or birthdays (odd and even)

4. Alphabetical (first or last names)

5. Sizes of tennis shoes

6. Squads or roll groups

7. Freeze game (position on the floor)

8. Draw cards from a deck (odd and even, or suits)

Abby, I hope you will print this because there is no accountability in our programs, and this shouldn't be happening in physical education or within the school system. People need to know there are other ways to divide students into teams that leave everyone feeling good about themselves and about physical activity. It is our duty as physical educators to provide a safe and positive environment for the lives we touch daily. Our students are our future. -- JOANN MONACHELLO PRAHL, LA QUINTA, CALIF.

DEAR JOANN: Thank you for the excellent suggestions. I hope P.E. teachers everywhere will take them to heart and put them into practice.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the birthday of the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who inspired so many to reach upward for equality. It is only fitting that I share with you a passage from his "Strength to Love":

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction ... The chain reaction of evil -- hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm in quite a dilemma. My 40-year-old daughter is not speaking to me because I'm trying to prevent her from becoming the laughingstock of the century. She's planning to be married for the fourth time. Her first marriage was to escape her abusive father. The second was to provide a father for her child from the first marriage. The third was a stupid mistake.

Now she says she wants the wedding she has never had -- ivory dress, 6-foot train, and God knows what else. I told her she was creating a circus, a humiliation, the embarrassment of all time. I know the bride should have her wishes carried out to the letter on "her" day -- but she has already had three previous "days" that did not work. My daughter falls in and out of love as the wind changes.

I know I shouldn't throw stones because I have been married three times, but my present marriage to a man I thank the Lord for every day has lasted 17 years. I have talked to her fiance. He seems to be level-headed, and he, too, would like to avoid a spectacle. I'm sure he didn't win any Brownie points when he sided with me. It's his first marriage.

Abby, what can I do about my daughter? I don't like being at odds with her. -- OLD-FASHIONED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: There's nothing you can do. Since your daughter refuses to listen to you and her fiance, I doubt she would be open to any input from me. Of course, you are correct that simplicity should be the keynote for the ceremony and reception, but you can't live your daughter's life for her.

Wish her well and pray that your community has a short memory.

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from the reader who thought it would be a good idea to turn closed military bases into jails got me thinking. As a retired military person, I must agree in part with the writer of that letter. The facilities are there, and so is the equipment to train our young people to become good citizens.

But why use them to warehouse criminals?

Some of them could be converted to campuses for vocational schools around the country to help disadvantaged youth. Not all of our young people are college material -- but all of them need to learn how to earn a living. Students could spend part of their day in classroom learning and the rest in a shop, learning a skill. At the completion of their training they could be the people they would like to be.

We taxpayers have bought those bases and equipped them with everything that is needed to run a military installation. If the selected base needs more equipment, some could be moved from other bases that are being closed.

If some of the buildings are substandard, I can't imagine a better place to start training those young people for a trade in the building industry.

A final thought: Most of these young people would rather have a big hug and an "I love you" than parents who let them grow up in the wrong way. Speaking for myself, the return of love from a young person is the greatest gift I ever had. Parents, wake up!

Abby, please do not use my name or location. -- RETIRED MILITARY MAN

DEAR MILITARY MAN: You have hit upon a terrific idea, one that is well worth exploring. Such campuses would be a source of pride (and employment) in the surrounding communities. Our children are our most precious resource, and giving them the tools they need to enrich their lives will also enrich our country.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)