DEAR ABBY: I am adopted, and my heart goes out to "Still Wounded by Adoption," who said adoptees search for their "real" parents because they need a sense of connection to the universe, and branded adoption as "barbaric."

Abby, I have never searched for my birth parents. My "real" parents are the mom and dad who raised me, stayed up with me when I was sick, taught me to read and write, and worried about me when I stayed out past my curfew. They are the couple who attended my football games and involved themselves in everything that was important to me, who scrimped and saved to send me to college and help me through law school, and are still there for me. I have two parents who love me, and that's all I could ever ask for.

I can't comprehend "Wounded's" idea that adoption is barbaric. What is barbaric about a couple, who couldn't biologically create a child, wanting to love and raise one in a stable home? It wasn't barbaric for my birth parents to demonstrate their love by placing me for adoption by a wonderful, loving couple who could provide what they couldn't. My biological parents allowed someone who desperately wanted a child to have the chance to be a parent, and I'm grateful for the generosity and maturity that went into that decision. -- MICHAEL H. MOHLMAN, LAWRENCE, KAN.

DEAR MICHAEL: Your letter echoes the sentiments of most adoptees. Thank you for re-emphasizing that adoption was an act of love on the part of your birth parents, as well as your adoptive parents.

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "Still Wounded by Adoption" who complained bitterly about adoption, stating that many adoptees want to locate their birth parents to find a genetic connection from their roots to the rest of the universe.

I've got news for "Wounded": All of us, adopted or not, are searching for our connection to the universe. This search has spawned our religions and challenged some of the most inquiring minds. Abby, this connection isn't found in someone else, nor is it found in wealth, beauty, fame or power. It's found within ourselves.

"Wounded" stated that human beings are the only species that willingly give away their offspring. Wrong! I'm not trained in biology, but I know that the female cowbird places its eggs in the nests of other birds, thereby allowing her offspring to be adopted by the nest owners. A quick reference check found that the Old World common cuckoo also exhibits this behavior.

"Wounded's" bottom line for the "adoption problem" is that "men should do a better job of guarding their sperm." The implication is that men are solely responsible for all unwanted pregnancies. Well, the last time I checked, it still takes two to tango. Women should take responsibility for their actions also.

"Wounded" seems to be deeply wounded, all right, but I'm not sure that adoption is the root of the problem. -- FRANKLY FRANK IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR FRANK: Dozens of readers wrote to dispute "Wounded's" assertion that adoption is barbaric. Most were mothers who had placed their babies for adoption at great emotional cost, and they insisted it was an act of love.

Several readers also disputed the statement that only humans give away their offspring. They pointed out that some animals do far worse with unwanted offspring -- they kill or eat their young! I have read about cows adopting orphaned calves, and recently I saw a news story about a dog who adopted a litter of kittens.

"Wounded," you stand almost alone. I urge you to rethink your mistaken beliefs about adoption -- it IS an act of kindness, and it's done with love.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, at the age of 14, is seeing a chiropractor because of back problems caused by the backpack she carries to school five days a week.

Her teachers require her to have a three-ring binder for each class, no exceptions. Abby, this school has no lockers, and each child is expected to carry the pack home each night and return it to school the next day.

Twenty pounds and up is too much for an adult to carry, let alone a growing child. A newspaper article said children in France are fighting the same problem and that it has become a national disgrace. What are teachers thinking of?

As yet, I haven't seen a backpack with wheels, so I may have to get my granddaughter a luggage cart to save her back. Any comments? -- AN OUTRAGED GRANDPARENT IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR OUTRAGED GRANDPARENT: Backpacks distribute weight more evenly than the old book bags we carried in school, but I agree that 20 pounds is a heavy weight.

Many college students, who have even larger books, often strap their books and documents onto portable luggage carriers for easy transport. At age 14, your granddaughter may not want to be different from her friends who still use backpacks, but wheels would ease the strain on her back.

DEAR ABBY: It is unfortunate that "Dumbfounded in Foxboro, N.C." was suspected of shoplifting, detained and questioned. It is even more unfortunate that he felt humiliated and will no longer shop in that store again.

The security officer acted discreetly by asking "Dumbfounded" to follow her. When she realized her mistake, she apologized. Why didn't "Dumbfounded" think, "At least I know this store is trying to hold people accountable and not permit shoplifters to get away with theft (which causes retail prices to rise)"?

Abby, the security officer made a mistake for which she apologized. An apology should be sufficient.

The world would be a much kinder and gentler place if we treated each other with understanding and forgiveness, not retaliation.-- KATHY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR KATHY: I agree, and since this is the beginning of the new year, I'm sure the security officer who made the mistake would be relieved to know that she has been absolved.

DEAR ABBY: As my Christmas cards arrived this year, I noticed there were a few familiar names missing.

It would be so nice if children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews would let folks know if Aunt Mary in California, Sally in Illinois or Gladys in North Dakota were in nursing homes, or deceased.

When my beloved mother died, I wrote to all the people she corresponded with or sent holiday cards to, to inform them of her passing.

I received so many letters telling me how grateful they were that I had written. It takes so little time and it's very much appreciated. -- BEVERLY IN DENVER

DEAR BEVERLY: An excellent suggestion. Thank you for this thoughtful reminder we can all use.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced man with two terrific kids, ages 6 and 8. During the past year, my ex-wife married a man whose previous wife passed away from cancer. "Roger" has two young girls from his first marriage. I am pleased that my ex-wife has found someone with whom I feel comfortable, and who seems to care for my children as well as his own.

Because their mother is deceased, Roger's children refer to my ex-wife as their mother, not their stepmother. I understand that, but now my children have begun calling Roger "Dad." Before the marriage, they called him by his first name. They call me "Daddy," but I am never sure whether it is me or their stepfather they are referring to when they say "Dad."

I love my children with all my heart and am very involved in their lives. I never miss their plays, recitals, games, etc. I respect and acknowledge their stepfather's position, but I feel it is confusing and improper for my children to refer to him as "Dad." Please tell me what you think. I value your opinion. -- REAL DAD IN JEW JERSEY

DEAR REAL DAD: Your children have found a way to accommodate you and their new family. While the terms may seem uncomfortably similar to you, if you asked them, I'm sure they could reassure you that they have distinct definitions of "Dad" and "Daddy." As long as you remain actively involved in their lives, you will always be their No. 1 Daddy. Treasure that, and allow Roger to have his place.

DEAR ABBY: I object to your advice to the mother who regrets how she treated her 18-year-old daughter in the past, and said she was feeling suicidal. You advised her to "pick up the telephone and tell your doctor exactly how you are feeling."

I am a family physician who gets far too many of these phone calls now. If someone wants substantial attention from a physician, an appointment should be made. Most of us have no time to give to callers, and it's not fair to promote us as a mental health hot line, particularly for chronic problems. (This woman's main problem seems to be taking responsibility for her actions; she needs to do more than emote to someone on the phone about her misery.)

It's also interesting that you suggest "medical help" can quickly fix her problem. No antidepressant relieves one of stepping up to the plate and accepting the fallout for failures in the essential challenges of life. I know we're living in an age of medicalization of behavioral issues, but beware of deceiving your readers by suggesting an easy fix!

I cannot sign this because some of my patients might think I lack compassion for them in similar circumstances, which is wrong. -- A DOCTOR IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOCTOR: I advised the suicidal woman to talk to her doctor because I assumed her doctor would be caring enough to take the call if she said the matter was urgent and personal, and because thoughts of suicide might be something she'd rather not discuss with a medical receptionist. Also, many people don't know which psychology professional to see, and they depend on their physicians to refer them. If that was a mistake, you are the only doctor who has written to tell me so.

I'm sorry you didn't sign your name. Had you done so, your schedule would probably open up sufficiently to allow you to accept phone calls from patients in emotional pain.

DEAR ABBY: We have a problem and need a tactful solution, and are hoping you can help us.

We recently installed an expensive parquet floor in our home, and we would like to keep spike heels off it. How can we tell our guests in a nice way? -- MRS. B. FROM N.C.

DEAR MRS. B.: Keep a collection of bedroom slippers in all sizes near the front door. It's subtle, non-offensive, and should solve your problem.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)