DEAR ABBY: I am a single father with primary custody of my 11-year-old daughter, "Nadine." She and I are very close. She lives with her mother on weekends. However, since her mother works out of state, on some weekends she doesn't make it home to be with Nadine.

Abby, I have a rule that my daughter cannot have her girlfriends spend the night at our home. It's because I'm afraid of being accused of misconduct with her friends. I would never behave inappropriately, but today, men must be careful that there is no possibility of suspicion. I would not feel comfortable with Nadine spending the night at the home of a friend who lived alone with her father, and I think most parents probably would feel the same way.

Am I cheating my daughter by not allowing her friends to sleep over? Am I wrong to protect myself from the possibility of accusations? Or am I being paranoid? -- 'OVERLY CAUTIOUS' OR 'RIGHT ON'? TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR RIGHT ON: In light of the social climate today, your caution probably is wise. However, explain to Nadine why you have the rule. She is old enough to understand.

Your daughter need not miss out on the girlhood ritual of sleep-overs -- she could have her friends spend the night when she is with her mother.

DEAR ABBY: As a public service, please print my letter.

If you put an ad in the lost-and-found section of the newspaper, chances are it will end up on the Internet. When it does, rest assured someone will contact you and offer to return your lost item -- if you wire money to pay for the shipping costs.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT fall for this scam! Chances are, the crooks do not have the item and never did. They see an opportunity to cheat you. They are counting on your emotional attachment to the lost item. They'll rip you off and laugh all the way to the bank.

How do I know? Our daughter lost her beloved dog. She was ripe for this scam, and fell for it.

If people get a response to their lost-and-found ad, they should "accept" the offer, obtain the name and location of where the crook will claim the money, then notify police. At the very least, the police should be asked for advice. These people must be stopped. -- VICTIM'S MOM, SUN CITY WEST, ARIZ.

DEAR VICTIM'S MOM: Thanks for the warning. It seems that we must all be on our toes these days to protect ourselves.

DEAR ABBY: I want a new bicycle, but my mother says I will have to earn it. I am too young to get a job. Can you tell me how to get some money for a new bike? -- YOUNG READER IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR YOUNG READER: You may be too young for a grown-up job, but you are not too young to earn money by doing chores and odd jobs for neighbors.

Talk to your mother about taking on some of the chores at home. For example, ask her if she will pay you for sweeping the driveway or the kitchen, or taking the trash out every day. You could also ask your neighbors to hire you for such things as raking leaves, walking their dog, sweeping their sidewalks or pulling weeds. There are always small jobs for which people would be happy to pay you.

CHUCKLE FOR TODAY:

It's sad for a girl to reach the age

Where men consider her charmless,

But it's worse for a man to attain the age

Where the girls consider him harmless.

-- Anonymous (Forbes magazine)

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have started this letter many times, not finishing it because I know the answer to the advice I seek. I am a 48-year-old woman, married to a wonderful man for 10 years.

For the last 21 years, I have been having an affair.

It started when my first marriage came apart. My lover is a handsome younger man. Over the years I divorced, he married, I remarried, he became a widower -- and we continued our affair.

To our family and friends, we are old friends. We are thrown together for all occasions and no one has ever suspected. As the old song goes, "Daytime friends, nighttime lovers."

I know this affair must end. It has to, before we hurt and disappoint our families and friends. I love him and always will. But I need to know how to end it after all these years. -- NAMELESS

DEAR NAMELESS: The first step is to tell your lover exactly what you have told me -- that you want the affair to come to an end. Ask him to help by limiting the number of social occasions when you will be thrown together. (An eligible, attractive widower must get many invitations, not to mention offers.) You are both adults, and with mutual cooperation you can eliminate the opportunities to succumb to temptation.

The alternative would be to tell your husband what has been going on all these years. That, I guarantee, would end it.

DEAR ABBY: Here is my 2 cents for "Bent Out of Shape in San Francisco." It is sad that he lost his car and tried to keep the female, but his priorities are screwed up. They should be:

1. Fix car.

2. Dump girlfriend.

Since he bought the car 30 years ago, he is about my age (50). I, too, have a classic car that I drove off the dealer's lot in 1968. I've never found a woman I would trade the car for. Classic cars are too hard to find nowadays, and the restoration costs are high.

Most of the women I've met bailed out when the going got tough, and yet my car (and motorcycle) are still there taking me to job interviews and getting me through the difficult times.

It's far better to be alone and lonely than to be married and lonely. -- PAT IN FONTANA, CALIF.

DEAR PAT: Sorry about your bad luck with females. However, far more women stick it out rather than bail out when times get tough. Fiftieth wedding anniversaries are common, and that's testimony to the ability of many females to last for the duration of a run of bad luck. Furthermore, they're a lot softer and warmer to snuggle up to than cold steel and leather on a chilly night.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago you printed the way to determine a dog's age. Would you please send me that column, or print it again? -- GLINN IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR GLINN: I'm pleased to oblige. The first year of a dog's life is equal to 15 in a human's. The second year is the equivalent of nine more years of human age, making the dog 24 years old. After that, each year equals four more years of human life. Interestingly, the smaller the dog, the longer its life. So when a pup has been with its owner for 16 years, its age would be equivalent to an 80-year-old human.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After spending yet another night alone while my husband was out having a few beers with his friends, I decided to write him the following thank-you note:

Thank you for the countless times you've gone out with your friends and left me home alone; it's made me realize I'm pretty good company.

Thank you for withholding your affection; you taught me I can live without it.

Thank you for refusing to help me do anything around the house; it's made me realize I can do just about anything myself.

Thank you for finding reasons not to spend time with me; it's made me learn to appreciate spending time alone.

Thank you for never sitting down to talk to me; the quiet time has allowed me to re-evaluate my life.

But most of all, and I mean this sincerely, thank you for giving me nine lonely years to realize with conviction that I can walk away from you and survive! -- YOUR 'IN NAME ONLY' WIFE

DEAR IN NAME ONLY: Your farewell letter gives new meaning to finding the good in every bad situation. I'm sorry your lessons had to be learned the hard way. Perhaps your letter will educate others and save them from the pain you experienced.

DEAR ABBY: On the last night of baseball's World Series, I settled in front of the television to watch this deciding game. At the bottom of the ninth inning, my wife asked me to change the channel to her favorite Sunday evening program. This is a program that comes on every week. The last game of the World Series comes on once a year.

I did not want to change the channel, and an argument ensued. I relented, but I was so angry I went for a one-hour walk to cool off while she watched her program. I returned to find my wife pouting because I didn't watch her program with her.

You, being a woman, will have a real problem deciding who should have given in. Abby, please don't suggest two televisions. Come right out with your response. -- FRANK B. JAMES, EL CAJON, CALIF.

DEAR FRANK: I had no problem at all deciding. This is not a man/woman issue. It is about common courtesy and consideration. I think your wife should have conceded.

P.S. Do you own a VCR? It could have averted a disagreement, and allowed you both to have viewed her favorite program at a later time.

DEAR ABBY: I can bear it no longer. I want to know what other people think of "clapping" in church after the choir -- or an individual -- sings. I am so weary of it.

I always thought that you sang in church to praise the Lord, not as entertainment. Most choir numbers or solos are very moving. Then to hear this rousing applause just galls me. People never used to clap in church after performances. Why have they started now?

I think it is rude rather than complimentary. A church should be a place of worship where people offer their talent to God -- not an entertainment center.

After the service ends, there is plenty of time to say you enjoyed their singing. -- P. MEYERS IN MISSOURI

DEAR P. MEYERS: A spontaneous outburst of applause in appreciation of the choir -- or soloist having delivered an exceptionally moving performance -- is understandable, although I have never witnessed it.

Discuss your concerns with your pastor and church leaders. If they find it objectionable, they can pass the word to the congregation that applause during a worship service is inappropriate.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)