DEAR ABBY: "Larry" and I married five years ago after a whirlwind, passionate courtship. He said I was his dream come true.

As I think back on those words, I become ill. Why? Because from the day we married, my life became a living nightmare. It began on our honeymoon. I talked to another man, and Larry got so angry he slammed my face into the wall and broke my nose. I should have left then, but I believed him when he said how sorry he was -- that it had been an accident and would never happen again. Besides, my parents had just paid for our wedding, and I was too ashamed to tell them what had happened.

Over the last five years, Larry has broken my wrist by throwing me down the stairs. He broke my shoulder when he pushed me out of a moving car, and he has beaten me so badly I've had to hide in the house for days to keep the people I know from seeing the bruises. I am ashamed to tell anyone. He keeps saying he is sorry and promises it won't happen again ... but it does.

We have two children. We would have had three, but Larry kicked me in the stomach when I was four months pregnant and I had a miscarriage. Maybe it was a blessing because our children have a terrible life. They're scared to death of him. I am desperate to leave, but I, too, am scared. When I tell him I want a divorce, he threatens to kill me. Is there any hope? -- LIVING A NIGHTMARE

DEAR LIVING: There is always hope. Reaching out for help is the first step, and by writing to me, you have taken that step.

It is reported that more than 4,000 women are murdered each year by their abusers. Battered women's advocates tell me that the most dangerous time for a battered woman is when she decides to leave. Statistics show that a woman who leaves her batterer is far more likely to be killed than those who stay. This is not intended to discourage leaving, however, but to emphasize the importance of a clearly conceived escape plan. Most women CAN leave safely with careful planning.

Your first step is to create a safety plan for you and your children while you are still living with Larry. If you decide to leave, this plan should also be designed so that he cannot find you.

I recently received a 50-page booklet called "Striving to Be Violence Free ... A Guidebook for Creating a Safety Plan." It is written and published by an award-winning, nonprofit agency called Perspectives Inc., in St. Louis Park, Minn.

It contains several checklists that will help you explore your options and make sound choices. Especially useful would be the chapter that addresses "creating a safety plan." This section will help you prepare for the next violent outburst; and sadly, there is always a "next time." Unfortunately, over time the violence usually becomes more frequent and severe.

Readers, if you know someone who could benefit from this guidebook, be a friend and buy it for her. (Consider having it sent to your own house to avoid a confrontation with the abuser.)

For parents, this booklet has important information for your daughters -- a section called "Warning Signs of a Potential Batterer," which is designed to help a woman examine a man's behavior BEFORE she makes a commitment to him.

To order this guidebook, send $4 to: Perspectives Inc., 3381 Gorham Ave., St. Louis Park, Minn. 55426 (Attn: Guidebook). Include your name and address clearly printed on an address label, 3-by-5 card or a sheet of paper. Allow four to five weeks for delivery.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from the 71-year-old woman who suffered from chronic pain after a car accident: Your advice to see a pain specialist about alternative methods of dealing with pain needs to be heard by all.

At 40 years of age, I was rear-ended. A year later I was in another car accident. I was diagnosed with three neck and back injuries and had surgery on both my hands for carpal tunnel syndrome. I was treated with pain medication, high blood pressure medicine, anti-depressants and muscle relaxants. I was in diapers for two years for incontinence. (Only later did I realize this was a side effect of the drugs!) The only constant in my life was pain and depression. I was under the care of doctors, but finally came to realize that I had to take charge of my life. I had to either change it or end it!

To make a long story short, I heard about hypnosis and biofeedback. I went, and after four sessions, I was pain-free! My blood pressure is now normal, I've lost 40 pounds, and I'm no longer depressed. I love being around people and enjoy living again.

I lost seven years of my life to pain. Abby, please advise your readers to never settle for living in pain. Miracles do happen, thanks to the Lord and my doctor. You may use my name. -- L. BARRAS, ST. MARTINVILLE, LA.

DEAR L. BARRAS: I'm pleased to learn that your recovery was so successful, and I'm printing your testimonial. No one should have to live in constant pain. Read on for another view:

DEAR ABBY: One of your readers recently expressed concern about becoming addicted to pain medication. I agree with your recommendation to see a pain specialist for non-pharmaceutical treatment. Unfortunately, these methods are not always effective. Many patients continue to require strong pain medication for relief.

The vast majority of people who take narcotics for pain do NOT become addicts. Although tolerance (the requirement for bigger doses) and dependence (the development of withdrawal symptoms after sudden discontinuation) are associated with addiction, they do not represent true addiction by themselves.

Addiction is a condition in which people make obtaining and using the drug the centerpiece of their existence. The use of the drug is an end point in itself. Drug addicts withdraw and become less functional when they take drugs. In contrast, chronic-pain patients become more functional when they use their drugs, and are able to join in basic social activities frequently denied them by their pain. It is well-established that chronic-pain sufferers develop tolerance and dependence while on narcotics, but these are expected side effects -- NOT SIGNS OF ADDICTION -- and are not considered indications for discontinuing the drug.

Tragically, tolerance and dependence are often mistaken for addiction, and the drugs are abruptly stopped. It is well known that pain patients sometimes take their own lives when their medications are discontinued. I have come to call this "algocide" -- suicide driven by pain.

Better understanding of true addiction, as opposed to the commonplace occurrence of tolerance and dependence, would help alleviate the daily suffering of millions of people and prevent many deaths per year due to algocide. -- MICHAEL S. GORBACK, M.D., THE CENTER FOR PAIN RELIEF, HOUSTON

DEAR DR. GORBACK: Your philosphy may be viewed by some as audacious, but it's logical and sensible. I was fascinated to learn that in the late '80s, Texas was the first state to pass intractable-pain statutes that grant physicians great latitude in prescribing medication to those who suffer from chronic pain -- and since then, more than half of the other states have enacted similar guidelines. It is also illuminating that the incidence of drug or alcohol abuse in chronic-pain patients is no higher than in the general population.

Perhaps this will put to rest the concerns of chronic-pain patients whose quality of life suffers because they fear chemical dependence.

Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 years old and in fifth grade. All my life I have been chosen last. That's my problem.

P.E. is my least favorite class in school, not because I don't like sports -- I enjoy them. But it is so humiliating always being chosen last. I dread going to school on days when I know we will have P.E.

Why can't physical education teachers use a different system? P.E. teachers must have never had to experience what I have each day in P.E. I will go into the class again tomorrow to be chosen last.

Why don't they just hang a sign on me that says, "Reject. Last one to pick gets me."

I'm sure there are other kids who feel the same way. There is one in every P.E. class. It really hurts.

My mom says not to let it bother me. She says she was always chosen last, too. I think she says that just to make me feel better.

Please don't say, "Practice the sport and you'll be great at it and everyone will want you on their team." It doesn't work that way. I'm kind of quiet, and even if you're not bad at the sport, once you've been chosen last you will be last next week, the week after, and next year, too.

I really, really, really hope you print this. I can't bear to think I have to go to P.E. tomorrow. What can I do? -- ALWAYS CHOSEN LAST, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR ALWAYS CHOSEN LAST: Perhaps there is nothing you can do, but there is plenty your P.E. teacher could do if he or she had the sensitivity and imagination.

If I had my way, I would outlaw that system of choosing up sides. It's cruel! It was used many years ago when I was a girl in Sioux City, Iowa. It was wrong then, and it's still wrong!

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me with my problem. I talk to myself. I have always done this to some extent, just like my mother did, but I'm afraid it's getting worse since my husband died six months ago.

I live alone with my little dog, but I don't feel lonely. I like people very much and have no trouble visiting with them when the opportunity presents itself.

I am 73 years old. Is talking to yourself a sign of senility? Or am I losing my mind? I'm sure I do this in stores when shopping alone (not out loud, but my lips probably move), which is embarrassing. How serious is this? -- CHATTY CATHERINE, NASHVILLE, TENN.

DEAR CHATTY CATHERINE: I wouldn't consider this a serious problem. I'll wager most people have at least an occasional chat with their most constant companion -- themselves.

A widow once wrote, "I talk to myself whenever I feel the need for intelligent conversation."

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to "Best Friends in Kennesaw, Ga.," the young woman who wanted to be "best man" in her friend's wedding.

I became engaged to a caring, loving, hard-working man who treated me like a queen. I asked my best friend of many years to be my maid of honor. She refused because my fiance and I are of different faiths and she couldn't support our marriage.

I was devastated, but a male friend stepped in and helped me through. He had always been supportive, and I was proud to have him stand up for me in my wedding because he really cared about me. Friends have no gender. "Thomas" was my "Best Man of Honor." -- H.R., MELBOURNE, FLA.

DEAR H.R.: Congratulations for making a choice that was right for you. Several readers have suggested names for wedding party members of the opposite sex. My favorite was "Bride's (or Groom's) Honor Attendant."

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)