DEAR ABBY: I work in a large office where people are clustered into numerous "pods." These groupings are separated only by partitions. We use speaker phones that allow us to converse without lifting the handset.

Some of the people never pick up their handsets. Instead, they yell into the speaker so the caller can hear them. They turn the volume up as loud as it will go so they can hear their party anywhere in the office. This is very disturbing to those who are trying to concentrate on their work.

Many of these same people use the speakers to retrieve long personal messages from their voice mail.

I am offended when my co-workers are too lazy to pick up their phones. Certainly, hands-free has its benefits, but where do you draw the line? Abby, what is the proper etiquette in this situation? -- FRAZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRAZZLED: No one should use the telephone in a manner that disturbs those nearby. Talk to your supervisor about the disruption and ask that a company policy be formulated and given to employees. Offer to help write the policy and to hold a training session on telephone etiquette should management deem this a good idea.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Greg" for almost a year. He is 32 and I am 27. For the last three months, Greg has been pressuring me to move in with him. Every time he brings it up, I change the subject.

He began our last conversation with me by saying, "So, when are you moving in?" I told him I can't move in with him unless we are married. He became angry and said, "Marriage is only a piece of paper."

I said it's the only right thing to do. We haven't spoken since.

At this point, I don't know what to do. Please help me. -- OLD-FASHIONED IN L.A.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: From my perspective, you have done everything right. You have made your position clear. Now stick to your guns.

Greg will either come around and decide to marry you, or he won't. If he doesn't, consider yourself lucky to have come to your senses before investing any more time with a man whose values differ so greatly from your own.

DEAR ABBY: In the scheme of things, this is not a big deal, but we would like to share with your readers a pet peeve that we jewelers have.

Sometimes customers come into our store for repairs and have trouble removing a tight ring, so they lick their fingers to facilitate its removal. This is gross!

How would you like to be handed a spittle-filled ring and then have to examine it to determine what repairs are necessary?

Jewelers have lubricants available for ring removal, and it is not necessary to share your spit -- not to mention germs -- with us.

Abby, on behalf of jewelers everywhere, we hope you print this. -- FED UP WITH SPIT IN WHITEFISH BAY, WIS.

DEAR FED UP: While this may not be the most appetizing letter I've ever received, it is a problem for jewelers that deserves to be addressed: Readers, if your ring is so tight you must lick your finger in order to remove it, it's time to have it resized, or retire it. Jewelers, place your lubricant in an obvious location where customers can't miss it. Put a sign by it, if necessary, explaining its purpose.

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day, so here's my traditional Thanksgiving column.

Take a few minutes to think about what you have to be thankful for.

How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)

If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.

How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.

Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, call someone. Go out of your way to do something nice for somebody. It's a sure cure for the blues.

Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern -- concern for fair play under the law. Your country may not be a rose garden, but it also is not a patch of weeds.

Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.

As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

O, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God bless you and yours. -- LOVE, ABBY

An afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the post-holiday blues is to do something nice for someone. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him (or her) over for dinner?

Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Many older people don't drive, and those who do don't like to go out alone after dark.)

Try it. And let me know the results.

P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my Thanksgiving prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to handle a problem with a 4-year-old boy whose parents pay no mind to what he is doing or whom he is annoying? The child is always outdoors early in the morning and also in the evening -- unsupervised. He constantly stops everyone he sees and asks a hundred questions.

He is a nice little boy, and while I feel for him, I wonder how these parents could allow him to roam with no supervision, expecting the neighborhood to entertain and care for him.

I have a 6-year-old son and I never allow him in the front yard unless I am there to watch him. I would never permit him to bother the neighbors. However, when I go out with my son, I always have to deal with the endless questions from the neighbor boy.

It's not fair that when I have time to take my son outside I have to baby-sit this neighbor child. I've asked him where his mother is and have sent him home many times, but he comes back again and again.

It's not his fault, and I hate to be mean to him. I blame his parents. Abby, what am I to do? -- UNWILLING BABY SITTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNWILLING: The child may simply be curious, or he may crave attention from an adult.

Instead of asking him where his mother is, check to be sure there is an adult in the home. Introduce yourself to the head of the household and express your concern. A 4-year-old is too young to be outdoors alone with no supervision -- particularly since he approaches any adult who happens to be nearby. If the mother can't watch her child, she should make arrangements for someone else to do it.

Your gesture may be met with some degree of hostility -- but for the sake of the child, you should make it.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me. I'm at my wit's end. I have a daughter, 28, I'll call Susie.

Susie steals everything she sees, mostly from the family. I'll buy things for my personal use, and when she visits my house I have to lock my bedroom door so she won't get into my bureau. She even swipes things from the kitchen. My three older children don't behave that way. They are all trustworthy.

Susie, however, keeps taking what she wants from me and her brothers and sisters. She even stole my youngest son's jeans. We have confronted her, but it does no good.

Abby, can you tell me how we can stop her from stealing from us? -- STICKY FINGERS' MOM

DEAR MOM: Susie clearly needs professional help to overcome her compulsion to steal. If your daughter doesn't respect ownership in her own family, it could lead to thievery outside the home, where the authorities may not be so tolerant.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and have a boyfriend the same age. We see each other at school and talk on the phone (I am not allowed to date yet). Many times our conversations are about nothing. Can you please help me think of some things to talk about with him? I get embarrassed by the long silences on the phone, but I don't want to hang up.

I would appreciate any help you can give me. -- CLUELESS IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR CLUELESS: Ask your boyfriend questions about himself, his family, hobbies, pets, etc. It is easy to talk about events at school that you are both familiar with, and friends you have in common.

What about a favorite television program, movie or book? Also, there are many events happening in the world every day. Read the newspaper and ask him what he thinks about something currently in the news.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)