DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to handle a problem with a 4-year-old boy whose parents pay no mind to what he is doing or whom he is annoying? The child is always outdoors early in the morning and also in the evening -- unsupervised. He constantly stops everyone he sees and asks a hundred questions.

He is a nice little boy, and while I feel for him, I wonder how these parents could allow him to roam with no supervision, expecting the neighborhood to entertain and care for him.

I have a 6-year-old son and I never allow him in the front yard unless I am there to watch him. I would never permit him to bother the neighbors. However, when I go out with my son, I always have to deal with the endless questions from the neighbor boy.

It's not fair that when I have time to take my son outside I have to baby-sit this neighbor child. I've asked him where his mother is and have sent him home many times, but he comes back again and again.

It's not his fault, and I hate to be mean to him. I blame his parents. Abby, what am I to do? -- UNWILLING BABY SITTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR UNWILLING: The child may simply be curious, or he may crave attention from an adult.

Instead of asking him where his mother is, check to be sure there is an adult in the home. Introduce yourself to the head of the household and express your concern. A 4-year-old is too young to be outdoors alone with no supervision -- particularly since he approaches any adult who happens to be nearby. If the mother can't watch her child, she should make arrangements for someone else to do it.

Your gesture may be met with some degree of hostility -- but for the sake of the child, you should make it.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me. I'm at my wit's end. I have a daughter, 28, I'll call Susie.

Susie steals everything she sees, mostly from the family. I'll buy things for my personal use, and when she visits my house I have to lock my bedroom door so she won't get into my bureau. She even swipes things from the kitchen. My three older children don't behave that way. They are all trustworthy.

Susie, however, keeps taking what she wants from me and her brothers and sisters. She even stole my youngest son's jeans. We have confronted her, but it does no good.

Abby, can you tell me how we can stop her from stealing from us? -- STICKY FINGERS' MOM

DEAR MOM: Susie clearly needs professional help to overcome her compulsion to steal. If your daughter doesn't respect ownership in her own family, it could lead to thievery outside the home, where the authorities may not be so tolerant.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and have a boyfriend the same age. We see each other at school and talk on the phone (I am not allowed to date yet). Many times our conversations are about nothing. Can you please help me think of some things to talk about with him? I get embarrassed by the long silences on the phone, but I don't want to hang up.

I would appreciate any help you can give me. -- CLUELESS IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR CLUELESS: Ask your boyfriend questions about himself, his family, hobbies, pets, etc. It is easy to talk about events at school that you are both familiar with, and friends you have in common.

What about a favorite television program, movie or book? Also, there are many events happening in the world every day. Read the newspaper and ask him what he thinks about something currently in the news.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child soon and are concerned about what effect secondhand smoke will have on our baby.

My mother smokes -- a lot! I know I'm probably ultrasensitive right now since I'm pregnant, but it's very hard to be around her. She smells, her house smells, her car smells.

Apart from her cigarettes she'd be a terrific grandmother. She's wonderful with her other grandchildren. We've talked about having her come to our house to visit and care for the baby, but she doesn't want to come because she can't smoke here.

Am I being too sensitive to this issue? She's not going to quit smoking. We've tried for years to get her to quit, but we have been unsuccessful.

I can't very well keep her grandchild away from her, and we'd love to have her help, but ... What do you suggest? -- ANTI-SMOKER IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ANTI-SMOKER: You are not being too sensitive. I am also an anti-smoker. In fact, I'm a "nut" on the subject!

Even the most hooked smoker can quit if he or she has an incentive. Everything has its price. Make the reward for not smoking sufficiently attractive -- and you will see a miracle occur before your eyes. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help to resolve an ongoing fight in our home. My husband reads during every meal. Whether it's a newspaper, magazine or cereal box, he props it up in front of him and reads. I find this rude and asked him to stop -- but he sees nothing wrong with it.

Even more bothersome is his giving me a summary of everything he reads. He doesn't make conversation -- he simply tells me what he reads.

Other than that, and the fact that he refuses to help me teach our young children table manners, our marriage is great. Perhaps I shouldn't complain. However, friends of mine also complain about this same fault, so your advice could help others as well.

Abby, please help me convince my husband that mealtime should be family time and the reading material should be put aside for another time. My husband will listen to you. -- KATHLEEN, SAN PEDRO, CALIF.

DEAR KATHLEEN: If this is the only flaw in an otherwise perfect husband, thank your lucky stars. Compromise. Offer to keep quiet about breakfast table reading if he will make dinnertime a family affair. He owes you one of the two, and dinnertime is preferable.

DEAR ABBY: At our card parties and after-church services, some of our friends come over and kiss us on the cheeks. My husband and I would much rather say "Hello," and put a hand on their arms or shoulders and talk.

How can a person gracefully get out of kissing acquaintances hello and goodbye? -- MARIE IN CHERRY HILL, N.J.

DEAR MARIE: It may require some fancy footwork. When your friends approach, say "Hello" as you step to the side and put your hand on their arm, giving it a gentle squeeze, or give them a quick sideways shoulder hug. Or, turn your face from the kiss as you softly say, "Sorry, I don't want to spread my germs."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My beloved aunt died more than a month ago. I found out a few days ago when I called the rest home to check on her prior to the visit I was planning. I was devastated by the news. I felt I had lost a piece of my soul. My aunt and I had been close since I was a small child.

I live several hours away from the rest home and the drive is difficult for me, but I visited her as often as I could, and we would talk for hours. My sister, who lives much closer, has been taking care of this aunt on a day-to-day basis. Many years ago, my husband and my sister had a conflict that put a rift between us. However, we had been able to put the rift aside a couple of times for family functions.

My sister made all the arrangements for my aunt's funeral, but she never even told me that our aunt had died. I had to learn of Aunty's death from a nurse long after the funeral. I know my aunt would have wanted me there.

Abby, I could never do such a thing to anyone, and I don't understand how my sister could have been so cruel as to keep this from me. Is there any justification for this? Even if my sister had a problem with my husband, our aunt loved us both, and aren't her wishes the ones that should have been respected?

I hope your answer will provide me with some understanding and help me live with the pain. -- DEVASTATED IN IOWA

DEAR DEVASTATED: Of course your aunt's wishes should have been respected. I see absolutely no justification for your sister's cruelty. If you sincerely want to resolve this injustice, ask your sister to explain her behavior. She OWES you an explanation.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single, professional woman. Last year I met a man in the laundry room of our apartment building. He seemed to be the man of my dreams. He asked me if I was married. I'm not, and he isn't either. To make a long story short, we got involved.

He has been married four times and has 10 children, seven of whom are grown and gone. He told me he wanted to be a minister, but his behavior is far from what one would expect from a minister.

He has been divorced from his last wife for eight years, but talks about her constantly. And he spends quite a bit of time with another ex-wife who is the mother of three of his children.

I have been a faithful friend. We go to the movies or out to dinner when he has time, but he has never made an effort to take me away for a weekend.

Abby, he told me he had talked to a married woman in our complex about going fishing with him. I told him I thought that was inappropriate. He also mentioned that he was considering going away to meet a 25-year-old female friend. I know he gives his phone number to every woman he meets.

How can he say he cares for me when he acts this way toward so many women? I am in love with him, but I find his behavior appalling and I'm not happy. I keep hanging on because no one else has entered my life.

Do you think this man is worth hanging onto as a potential mate? -- FRUSTRATED IN MELVILLE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This man deserves points for honesty. He has made it clear that he's not interested in a permanent relationship. As a potential mate, he is not worth hanging onto.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)