DEAR ABBY: On Wednesday, April 9, 1997, I sat on the edge of my father's bed and held his hand while he drew his last breath and quietly passed away after a brief, devastating battle with cancer. He was only 65, didn't drink or smoke, worked out on a regular basis, ate only fruits, vegetables, fish, bulgur, oatmeal and whole-grain bread. The doctors said he did everything right.

There were only two things that perhaps could have saved him -- regular physical examinations and prostate exams. My father disliked doctors (his mother died on the operating table when he was 12). However, a persistent backache drove him to the doctor in December of 1996. X-rays revealed spots in his lungs, which were found to be cancerous. His back pain was caused by the cancer eating away at his ribs until they crumbled and broke.

In February, it was discovered that cancer had also invaded his liver. These were all secondary cancers spread by a primary cancer, which was never found. The doctors suspect that the primary cancer started in his prostate. Due to the fact that his was a widespread and rapidly growing cancer, treatment consisted only of controlling the pain. It was too late for any hope of curing him. In fact, the doctors told him to consider each day his last.

My father was loved by everyone who knew him. He had a wickedly funny sense of humor, and was kind, warm and intelligent. He always assumed the best in everyone. His generosity included donating his body to a medical hospital for study. He was my best friend, and I miss him terribly. Now my mother is left alone in what should have been their retirement years. I'm mourning a series of sad "firsts" -- my birthday, then his birthday, then Father's Day without him.

Please, Abby, urge all dads to get regular checkups, including prostate exams. -- SUSAN HARWICK, SAVAGE, MINN.

DEAR SUSAN: There is no way I could do it as eloquently as you have, with your graphic letter. Susan, please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved father. I hope that the details of his untimely death will spur other men to call their physicians and make appointments for annual physicals, which should include a prostate examination for any man over the age of 50. The physical should also include a breast examination -- women are not the only ones who get breast cancer. Insist, if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who believes himself to be quite intelligent. At every opportunity, he finishes sentences for anyone trying to speak. It seems as though he wants everyone to know that he has it "all figured out" ahead of time. It is annoying to have a great story ruined as he kicks in with the punch line (or a version of it) before the storyteller can finish.

If someone says, "Oh, you've heard it before," he will respond with, "Oh, no," and laugh, covering his face with his hands, feigning embarrassment for his "blunder." (In most instances, I believe he HAS heard the story before.)

Isn't this behavior rude? It is annoying to be constantly interrupted, or to have a good story ruined. How should I handle this? -- UPSTAGED IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR UPSTAGED: The next time it happens, you would be within your rights to tell him emphatically just how you feel about being interrupted while he finishes the story for you. If more people spoke up, he might shape up and shut up.

THOUGHTS AT NIGHT: "It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think of a serious problem, and decide that I must tell the pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I AM the pope." (Pope John XXIII, quoted in Forbes magazine)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please print this letter to my stepdaughter. I would say it to her face, but my husband would pitch a fit if I did.

DEAR STEPDAUGHTER: Please grow up and take responsibility for yourself. You are in your mid-30s, but you expect us to provide you with a car, repair it, and pay your insurance. This is a major burden and a threat to our finances because if you have an accident, we are the ones who will get sued.

You come to our house to do the laundry for your family, and expect us to provide detergent, dryer sheets, water and electricity. You put more wear and tear on our washer and dryer than we do.

You expect "Daddy" to come through when you are low on money, and you always have him pay your rent deposits when you move.

Your father still owes money from before I met him, and we have to get a loan every year just to get by. Don't you realize that he has expenses other than yours? Have you ever considered that financial stress may have contributed to the heart attack he had a few years ago?

It's great for you to stay home with the kids while your husband works (I wish I could), but not if you are a burden on someone else. If your husband doesn't make enough for you to live on, perhaps you should work while your children are in school.

You have put a tremendous strain on our marriage, and it appears that you don't care. I wonder if you even care about your father's health. Well, I care about his health and our marriage, and I know full well that we deserve a life too, so please take responsibility for your own finances and let us enjoy some well-deserved happiness in our life. You are welcome to visit us, but please don't continue being a self-centered sponge. -- STEPMOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR STEPMOM: I doubt your stepdaughter will recognize herself in your letter, and even if she does, she is not likely to cut herself off from Daddy's generosity until he puts his foot down. He may not realize it, but he would be doing her a favor by insisting that she take responsibility for her own life. He won't be around forever to bail her out, so if she learns financial responsibility now rather than when she is forced to face the bill collectors, it will be much easier on her.

Encourage Dad to close his checkbook -- for his daughter's sake as well as your own.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are senior citizens, living on a fixed income. My husband has been sick for several years, so it takes every cent to make ends meet.

Friends of ours who are young and make a good living keep asking to borrow our pickup truck. This is OK with us. However, when they return it, the gas tank is always empty. The least they could do is fill the tank. My husband tells me to be patient, but what has patience got to do with it?

I don't know how much longer I can hold my tongue. What should I do? -- DISGUSTED IN DEMING, N.M.

DEAR DISGUSTED: Don't hold your tongue -- put it to good use. The next time these friends ask to borrow your pickup, tell them only on the condition that they return it with a full tank. You might even go a bit further and suggest that an occasional wash job would be appreciated.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The Alzheimer's Association and other medical sources estimate that nearly 50 percent of people over the age of 85 will suffer from Alzheimer's disease. I believe that spouses of foreign-born men and women, who are part of the 50 percent, will face the added difficulty of communicating with their wives and husbands.

As Alzheimer's disease gradually erases the memory of the patient, starting with the present and going back chronologically to his or her childhood, the use of English or other second languages disappears.

It is important for caregivers who speak only the second language to learn enough of the patient's first language so they can communicate in basic words and phrases. I didn't, and am now faced with the complication of trying to understand the wants and needs of a French-speaking wife. Within the past six months she has regressed from all English to 75 percent French, and the change increases daily. Over the past 50 years, she has often complained that she has lost her French almost entirely. She is as fluent today as she has ever been.

Last week, as my wife started to wake up one morning, I put my arms around her with our heads ear to ear. She thought I was her deceased sister. For 45 minutes she talked (in French) about when they were youngsters, and she mentioned her mother, father, brother, nuns, friends and places they had been. She was feeling such joy! Finally, she drifted back to sleep. When she awakened, she bubbled over with excitement as she told me of the wonderful time she had reminiscing with her sister. Such moments may be rare, but they are unforgettable and treasured.

I deeply regret the years I rationalized that I couldn't pronounce French properly, didn't have time to learn it, didn't need it and saw no future need for it. So, start learning that foreign language now. The younger you are when you begin, the easier and more rapidly you'll become fluent in your spouse's first language. -- RICHARD IN EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR RICHARD: That's valuable advice, regardless of the mental condition of one's spouse. However, the problem you have raised pertaining to people with Alzheimer's disease is a serious one.

Growing numbers of foreign-born seniors in major cities across the country have made it increasingly important that culturally appropriate services reflect changing demographics. Being able to communicate with the patient is crucial for a reliable diagnosis. For everyday care, families need to learn to rely on non-verbal communication -- facial expressions, touch and body language.

How to meet the needs of a diverse and frail population that speaks limited English is an issue of concern in today's caregiving community, and it will become even more so in the future. The Alzheimer's Association can provide caregivers with suggestions to improve communication. The toll-free number is (800) 272-3900.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I have never seen in your column. My great-grandson who is nearly 10 years old believes in Santa Claus. He says all the kids at school say there isn't any Santa Claus, but he knows there is. He says he can hear him downstairs when he brings his gifts, and he can also hear him coming down the chimney and on the roof.

Abby, this child will be heartbroken when he finds out the truth. My husband and I are dreading for Christmas to come. We just don't know how to handle it. Any suggestions? -- GRANDMA IN SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y.

DEAR GRANDMA: The best way to handle any problem is to tell the truth. The Santa Claus story is exciting and believable for very young children, but when they first begin to question if there really IS a Santa Claus, it's time for total honesty.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)